Concert...

So I've been to a lot of concerts over the years. I'd say 15 or so over the past 6 years. I've been to pop concerts, rock concerts, rap/hip-hop concerts, but not once to a country concert, until last night that is. See I don't really consider the concert last night a complete country concert, but in some ways it was. Anyway...I hadn't been to a concert in almost a year...so it was time to make an appearance at one. I went to the New York State Fair and saw Carrie Underwood and Alan Griggs. I had never heard of Alan before...but he was really good. Carrie was awesome!! So it was a country concert...but Carrie did a couple covers of Guns 'N Roses...which was completely unexpected...but awesome! It shows a different side of her. I dragged Rich along with me to the concert...and he even said he had a good time...so that was good. So this past week and next week I'm going to be spoiled with seeing Rich 2 or 3 days a week...and then the more time I spend with him the more I miss him when he's not here...yeah I know...pathetic...but hey I don't care. I don't mind being pathetic. So anyway...moving on...Labor Day coming up on Monday obviously...and it's the Kim Dunne Labor Day Marathon Event on Lite 98.7...hehe. Yeah...I'm working Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Wednesday on Lite...so everyone gets to enjoy the sounds of Lite and Kim...hehe. What more could you want for your Labor Day? :-) Ok...guess I'm gonna go for now...Carrie and Alan pics will be posted hopefully tomorrow, but if not...it'll be on Friday...so check back for some great concert pics!

Local Train Accident

Ok...so the subject says it all...or does it? As mentioned, there was a train accident this past week...but it wasn't just any train accident. No one on the train was injured. That's the good news...the bad news...well look at the car in the pic... that's the car that was involved in the accident with the train. The question becomes, what the hell happened? No one really knows. All that is known is that 5 teens were in the car driving along...there were no gates or anything at the railroad tracks, there was only a stop sign, which I guess was partially hidden by a tree. It was about 6:30 at night...so it was getting dark but not completely yet. I don't know if the teens tried to beat the train or if they didn't know it was coming. How could you not know a train was coming? Wouldn't you hear it or see the lights, or something? I don't get it at all. One of the teens is dead as of now, and the other 4 or in local hospitals recovering, I think anyway. Haven't heard of any others dying well at the hospital. I just keep thinking that this is really weird. Now all over news is train safety this and train safety that. Yeah...well...I think they were just 16, 17, 18 year old teens that were just cruising along and thinking they were hot shit and could beat this train or something. I, along with many people I talk to, am compeletly baffled by what happened, and that's probably not good. I work in the news...I should know what happened. But bottom line...I don't...maybe the police can enlighten us at some point...

This Week

So it's been a weird week I guess. I had a horrible migraine yesterday which caused me to come home early from work and not go in at all today. So hopefully I'm back up to par by tomorrow. I think also knowing I still have a week in a half before I can see Rich again is starting to take it's toll. I guess especially when I don't feel good you get those moments when you just wish you could be lying in their arms doing nothing. That doesn't happen often enough these days. Anyway, I found this thing online from a friend...kind of "how you know you're in love" thing...I know I'm in love...but the things are so true!! 1) The idea of being away from them for more than a moment makes you sad...even if they're across the room you want to be holding them. 2) You'd bend over backwords just to see them smile. 3) You feel your heart race everytime their name comes up in your e-mail, IM or phone. 4) You'd wait a lifetime and honestly wait for the perfect moment to be with them. 5) You'd go through hell and back because you knew they were worth all the fights and tears in the end. 6) The idea of being with anyone else, looking at someone else doesn't cross your mind, you'd rather be with that one person. 7) There always on your mind and if you don't say goodnight or happen to talk for a day you spend the whole night thinking something's wrong. 8) You'd give up the one thing you know is right in this world if it meant they were happy even if it was with someone else. 9) You can honestly see forever with them and no one else. 10) The words I love you don't feel like they're enough to express what they mean to you. 11) You smile inside and out when you see them even if its been only 4 minutes since you last saw them. 12) You could stay up all night watching them sleep because your scared if you close your eyes they might turn out to have only been a dream. 13) Knowing your the reason they're sad breaks up inside even if it's just because they miss you...you want to do anything in your power to fix it. 14) You fall in love with them over and over everytime you kiss, hug, talk, smile at each other, or just reminded one another you care. 15) Even on the worst day of your life no matter how bad your days been, hearing their voice warms you up inside and might not make things all better but just for a moment you're happy again. 16) You drop your walls and let someone in even though if they hurt you it might kill you, you're willing to take that chance. 17) Everytime they kiss your neck or touch you in anyway you get chills down your back and a warm sensation takes over. 18) You'd sleep on a hard floor when you could be in a bed just because you want to be near them. 19) You know each others not perfect and love one another for their flaws as much as their perks. 20)Last but not least because even when they're not around, you know they're thinking about you and doing the same things you are for them for you :-) These things are so true!! Anyone in love or falling in love knows exactly where I'm coming from!!

Wowzers...

So my life is anything but easy right now :-( I pull at least one double a week usually...and not knowing about the full time job is starting to kind of make me all hyper and nervous and all that shit. I know I can't expect to get it...I don't have much experience...but if I don't...even though I expect that...I still would feel a sense of disappointment about it. As my mom stated...the worst that can happen is you keep doing what you've been doing. But that's the point...I'm tired of doing that! Tuesday and Wednesday of this past week I pulled 6 1/2 and 7 hour days working the news...yeah maybe those aren't even full time hours...but it was so freaking hot and the events were outside...I got home and was exhausted and hot and just wanted to be doing something else. I don't know if I could do news full time. I need something full time so I could drop 2 of the jobs and feel a sense of normalcy again. Then I also might get to see Rich once in awhile. As time goes on...it's been getting harder and harder to make it through a full week without seeing him...maybe it's just because this past week was so long and took a lot out of me. I would've loved to be able to just come home and relax with him...it seems to be the only time I get to relax. When I'm at home...I get bored so I have to be doing something...I generally am doing laundry or cleaning the house, or cleaning my room...or lately I'll exercise just to take my mind off of things. I don't think I ever realized it could be this hard...and often I wonder if it's worth it. I don't want that to come out the wrong way...I love him...I'm positive of that...and I would try to do anything to make it work...it just gets so irritating that we both have to work so much and don't even have time for each other. Or with that note...the gas money to see each other during the week...I realistically can not afford it...and that sucks...but nothing we can do about that...so all I can think of right now is to take it week by week...I don't know anymore...I really don't...

Yeah...another overnight...

You see...I can't not post an entry when I do my overnights...guess I get that bored. I've also determined that when I'm tired...such as when I have to do an overnight...I get very emotional and "clingy" in a sense. I guess it's just the fact that I'm able to do more thinking when I'm alone at the station. And me doing thinking...never a good thing. What do I think about? I can't exactly devulge that type of information...or I'd have to kill you. But you could probably guess what it involves. Moving on...this weekend has really sucked. Not because I've had two overnights...that sucks too, but I have seriously felt like complete shit since Friday...and I'm not exactly sure why. I don't know...maybe I'm skirting around a bug or something. I also think I was dehydrated from not drinking enough water. The heat could have been taking a toll on me lately too and I could have had heat exhausation...which makes me feel light headed and ache all over...so I don't know. The only thing I do know is I'm feeling 100 times better then I did on Friday. Still have a slight headache which just wants to hold on, but I feel better other then that. This is also the first time I actually considered calling my boss and telling him I couldn't go work. Even though it is an overnight and I hate those, I would have felt bad...so I'm glad I was able to make it for them both...plus an extra 6 hours isn't too bad when the pay day rolls around. I'm back to WIBX this week. Kind of depressing in a way because I've been spoiled working during the day and having my nights off. I've been able to watch some shows that I haven't been able to in awhile. However, I have missed working on IBX. I've also felt kind of bad. They've been shorthanded lately because I've been putting in all my time over at Lite. Covering some of the meetings gets really long and tiring, but then I have those other meetings that are kind of exciting and different and I get to meet new people. So now I know that if I don't get the full time position on Lite...it's not going to be the end of the world. I still don't mind working on IBX. I just would love having something full time which would give me my nights off and maybe not make me so freaking stressed. Anyway...the fun filled overnight continues...is it time to go home yet?

Yeah...It Doesn't Get Easier...

I'm happy. I don't get to say that too often...but lately I really have been happy. Not always...but tonight I'm happy, and I'm on an overnight shift. Yeah, exactly my point...who is happy working midnight to 6am? My boss was in a bind and he asked me to work both of the overnights this weekend. How can I say no? I mean I am up for a full time job there...so I can't exactly refuse to do it, without thinking it could jeopardize them considering me. So I'm here, and did I mention I'm happy? I just spent a day or so with Rich and Terry...so yeah, I can't help but be happy. At the same time I'm not. I got home around 6 so I could take a nap before coming into work. I layed there with my eyes open for probably about 15 minutes. I just wanted to be laying in his arms. I don't get enough of that. But I wasn't going to let that bring me down...it did at the time, but now I just look forward to seeing him later on today. You know I've heard from people that have to go through long distance relationships that as time goes on it gets easier to be without the person you love, but to that I have to say...I don't think so. Not for me anyway. I get to talk to him every day and that just makes me miss him more and want him more. As corny as it sounds, it's true. And as far as I can tell...he feels the same way. So I'm sitting here still suffering from a headache...listening to music...just kind of browsing the Internet and hoping the night will go by quickly because then I get to see him. Ok, am I going overboard here? God I can't help it. There's something addicting about being with him, not to mention I love him. I know there's not much else we can do right now as far as seeing each other more often. I do what I can, he does what he can...and that's it. So...I'm happy...but I'm also here to say it doesn't get any easier. Check in with me in about 3 days...I won't be so happy anymore.

RANT: Andrea Yates

Ok...I have to do this. I've been keeping my rants to a minimum...but this has to be said. The verdict for Andrea Yates came out today. For those that don't know, Andrea Yates is a Texas woman that drowned her 5 children. The first trial she was convicted and sentenced to life in jail but then a technicality gave her another trial, one which conluded yesterday with a verdict that I wholeheartedly disagree with. She was found not guilty by reason of insanity. She will be in a mental institution for her life, unless her case is reviewed and she is released. What the hell is that? She should be killed... Well I guess you know my point of view on the whole thing...but I do have a reason behind why I feel this way. From the day I heard about this woman drowning her 5 children in a bathtub I became very irritated and frustrated and several thoughts ran through my head. Why would you have children at all if you were going to kill them? Children are innocent beings...they never hurt her I'm sure. She claimed she did it because she was suffering post partum depression from her last baby. She also claimed that her husband forced her to keep having children. Maybe all this is true...but she wasn't completely insane when she killed her children. The nail in the coffin came when I found out that her oldest son found out what she was doing and he went running away from her. She chased him around the front yard to catch him and kill him. She knew exactly what she was doing when she chased him. Now this lady that doesn't deserve to live could get out of this mental institution if the doctors determine she is "well" again. She should either be sitting her ass in jail for the rest of her life or be on death row. So now you know how I feel about this verdict that was released today. Words can't really describe how upset I was when I heard this on the news. Nothing I can do about it though...just hope that she is committed for the rest of her life!!

The Day

Well this post comes only after having one of the best days I think I could have hoped for. The only problem is...it's over...and it ended too quickly. I got to spend the day with Rich and Terry, which I thought was pretty special to begin with. Although, it was also one of the first days I've spent almost an entire day with Terry...and yeah she can be a handful, but at the same time a loveable handful...sometimes. As we were driving around at the end of the day not able to come up with another thing to do, I couldn't help but start to think...and for me thinking leads to more thinking and emotions start to kick up and I realize that it's going to be another week before I get to see him again. I know relationships are a lot of hard work. I knew this at the age of 15...but at the age of 15 I wasn't working 3 jobs. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love what I do. How many people can say that they work at the number 1 rated radio station in the area? People listen to them every day and count on them to keep them entertained. I love it. If you knew me when I was in junior high, you would never have thought I would be able to entertain anyone on the radio, or anywhere. I was this shy little thing who just walked around and did what people told her to. I broke out of that when I went to school for Radio/TV. Now I couldn't imagine another thing to do. People say, "you can't live on that amount of money." Well yeah...but it's not about the money...it's about the passion. Anyone in radio knows where I'm coming from when I say that. So as I mentioned relationships are hard work. Long distance relationships...even harder. I don't know if you can call it a "long distance relationship" I mean I do get to see him every saturday...and he lives an hour or so away...but for me it's absolutely heart breaking (I guess that's the right word) knowing that I can't see him for another week. I get to talk to him every day online...but it's never the same. You can't share the same amount of joy or pain over the Internet as you can face to face. Sometimes I just want to be able to lay in his arms and watch a movie...that can't happen too often. We're both too busy for that. Then as I was thinking (never a good sign) more thoughts started in...I know there is a sense of responsibility that comes with being in a relationship with a guy who has a child. I'm not complaining...Terry has become very special to me. Yeah sure she wears me down everytime, but as long as she's happy and having fun...that's all that matters...she is a kid. But at the same time...it's very hard. I mean you don't get a lot of "alone time" or "down time" when there is a kid involved. That's just frustrating sometimes. You have to be careful what you do and be careful what you say. But at the same time...I don't always mind. I love spending time with Terry too. So as all these thoughts sort of collided...I got a little upset. I think being so tired also kind of makes me emotional. I knew I would be better in the morning...I always am after I get in a good cry. It's the one way I know how to release my feelings and frustrations. Bottom line is I was just happy to be able to spend a day with Rich and Terry...I wish something like that could happen more often...but we both know realistically that won't happen. But damn it I have to work tomorrow which also kind of sucks...that story for another time I'm sure...I need to go to bed and just dream...it's all I have right now...

Is It The End Yet?

Ok...I'm tired...tired of work, tired of home, tired of family, I'm just tired. 3 jobs have really started to take its toll. Granted I haven't been working at the nursing home very much lately...which is perfectly fine with me. But I have been filling in middays and a few afternoons on Lite...and working nights on IBX. Granted, they can't use me on IBX when I do middays on Lite for a week...but still it's starting to make me really tired. I guess I started to think about this a lot when I came home yesterday after working 9 hours and I was completely worn down. I mean I could hardly keep my eyes open and my body was running on empty. Brings me to the full time job... Had my interview a week ago. I don't know how it went really...I just know I was really nervous before it...but right now...what happens...happens. If it's not the right time for me to get a full time gig in radio...then it's not the right time. I know I've only been doing this for almost 3 years...it wouldn't surprise me if I didn't get the job. I think I could do the job...but we'll just see. But getting the full time would drop the other 2 for the time being. Did I mention that I'm tired? :-(

Just Thinking

I know it's been a little while since I've posted...I've been busy. In the middle of another 13 day working stretch. There has however been some exciting developments in looking for a full time job. The midday person on Lite decided to leave and therefore that leaves a full time opening...one of which I have applyed for. I don't know what kind of chance I have in getting it...but either way it's great experience for me to go through the interview process and see what it's like anyway. I have an interview set up for Tuesday and to say I'm a little nervous would be an understatment. I have to meet with 3 people. The first 2 shouldn't be a problem because I know them and think I'll be more comfortable with them. The 3rd one is out consultant who I've never met and according to my boss is going to ask some tough questions. I always get nervous before interviews. I keep running through my head what possible questions they could ask me and all that fun stuff. All I can say is we'll see...and I'll be keeping you posted on here. In the meantime I'm doing a lot of fill ins for middays and afternoons this month...good experience anyway. Moving on now...I've been so busy at work that I haven't had much time to see Rich...and that's probably the worst part. The time we do get to be together goes by way too fast and then one of us has to leave...and it's the worst feeling in the world. I was up for a day in half or so last week spending time with him and his daughter...then I had to come back to go to work. I knew I was going to see him a little later that day when he came up for work...which was great...but knowing that I wasn't going to see his daughter for awhile...that's become hard too. The thing that carries me through the week most of the time is knowing Saturday comes around and I get to see Rich. All I can say is it's hard to have a relationship when you don't get to see the person that much...I know many of you probably can relate. But I love him...and that's all that matters! :-)

Here I am...

So here I am on a Sunday after a nice litle nap sitting here and thinking, which is always a scary thought. I was spoiled and had Friday and Saturday off this past week. So because of that I shouldn't be complaining about having to work today. It wasn't a bad day...just tiring. We had a remote going on so that kept me busy for a little while. But boy was I exhausted. I know getting home at 1:30 in the morning might have had something to do with that...but I still got 6 or so hours of sleep. I've noticed a trend lately. I get much tired easier then I used to. I take more naps then I used to also. I guess that's welcome to the real world right there. Of course many people in the real world don't work 3 jobs and don't have to work 6 or 7 days a week. I got to see many of my family members and relatives and friends this weekend with my sister's high school graduation. Many of them all said the same thing, "Don't overwork yourself or burn yourself out." I normally reassured them that I was ok, but I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to get off my lazy ass to go into work anymore. Is that sad or what? I mean I've only been doing this for 6 or so weeks, and I'm already at that point. I ran into one of my old professors last week and she said I looked great and she was happy she got to watch me grow over the last 2 years that she's known me. But she said the same thing to me. Don't overwork yourself. She said "In a field like this, you can burn out really quickly if you don't take time away from it all." She was referring to the reporting end of things. I'm not covering those late breaking types of stories though that would probably be more likely to receive burn out. So I was at work today and feeling like lately the world has been moving past at warp speed. I sleep, work, and sometimes eat, then I do it all over again. So my insanity level is at it's highest, and I saw this in one of our show prep's in the studio and I laughed and thought I would share it. I think I might try some of these sometimes...lol How To Keep A Healthy Level of Insanity At The Office: At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a blow dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they wants fries with that. Put your grabage can on your desk and label it "in." As often as possible, skip rather then walk. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. Specify in fast food drive-thrus that your order is "to go." Sing along at the opera. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. Drape mosquito netting over your cubicle and play a tape of jungle sounds all day. Insist that your co-workers addrss you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim. When leaving the zoo, run towards the parking lot, screaming "They're loose! They're loose!" Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go." Regardless of their actual name, call your boss LeRoy. So do you think you could use one of those at your office or anywhere really? Make people think that the workplace has really drove you over the deep end. lol..yeah sounds good to me. But anyway, having 2 days off was nice, but in a way i wish i hadn't...because now I know what it feels like to almost have a "weekend" and I want that again. So no school anymore means no homework, but being out of school means working your ass off to try to find a full time job so you can quit all the part time jobs...yeah, nothing comes easy, especially in this field. Finding a job isn't all that easy in the broadcasting field. I keep telling people I'm looking...and I am...but I don't have much time to do that either. When I'm home I want to relax and do nothing for sometime, but no one seems to understand that. Well to everyone that doesn't understand where I'm coming from...just bite me...it's been a long day...

How about a vacation?

So I've only been an actual "working girl" for a month now. I'm just plain worn out already. I just finished my 15 day working stretch yesterday...I get today off then it's back to it tomorrow...but at least this week I get Friday and Saturday off. I'm getting to the point where my panic attacks are ready to come back. For those of you that don't know, it was probably a couple years ago that I started having panic attacks when I was working at the nursing home because of all the drama and shit that went on there. They were nothing that posed a risk to myself really, my heart would just start racing, my vision would become blurred, my breath would become shortened. Whenever that happened I would go somewhere quiet and just stop everything. It normally only happened while I was at work, but a few times I had a couple at home. It was all because of one of the co-workers that I used to have. She was friends with my supervisor so nothing would have been done. So I went over my supervisors head and talked to our boss about it. Things started to change after that, and not long after things changed for good when my co-worker quit. Moral of the story, I'm realizing that I'm starting to get to that point where I'm having a hard time dealing. There's not that drama and stuff going on like there used to be, but I'm not able to sleep at night, I cry at almost any argument I get in with my family, I'm cranky more often then I used to be. I'm afraid I really will burn out if I don't start to learn to say No when people ask me to work. Mainly at this I mean the nursing home. She's nice to me whenever she needs me to work, and I'm stupid enough to say yes. I need the money...that's what I keep thinking. Yeah...I may need the money, but I my health is kind of important too. So relaxing is on top of my agenda now, but it's so damn hard. I have so much shit I need to get done...and so little time. I just want to disappear at some point. Have you ever felt that way? So I just need to look into some type of vacation to do nothing but relax and sleep. Doesn't that sound good? If only that would ever happen. I can't afford to take a vacation either...makes it kind of difficult...but I'm hoping by the end of the summer I'll have enough to do something or go somewhere. I would even just settle for taking time off from work and staying home to sleep in and do nothing. But anyway...I've made an executive decision. As scary as that sounds...I'm going to start to take some time for myself. After pushing myself for the past 15 days I know if I keep this up I'll have to deal with those damn panic attakcs again and that is really the last thing that I need right now. I have enough on my plate as it is. But one saying keeps running through my mind. "God doesn't put more on your plate then you can handle." So I can handle it, I just have to prioritize a little more I think. It's been a wake up call to me when I felt a panic attack coming on a couple days ago...now the goal is to find a way to deal with everything without burning out or over working myself again. I'll keep you posted...

Does Love Exist?

So I pose a simple yet not so simple question to everyone who either is in love now or has been in love at some point: Does love actually exist? I've heard a lot of different people. I look around and see couples holding hands and happy. You can tell when they are in love. I've been told recently that I "have the glow of love." There's just times I can't stop smiling and that certain person is on my mind all day every day. So maybe I should start out with an easier question: What is love? If you've ever been in love you know the feeling you get. It's that feeling in the bottom of your stomach and never getting enough of a person. Love is something very special. Then I look at other people. They claimed they were in "love." If people are in "love" then why do they hurt each other? People cheat on people all the time. Divorces happen every day. If you look at the statistics it makes it hard to believe in love. Some people say Love can't die. The truth is...it can. Love is that special feeling that you are able to share with another person. It doesn't always last forever...nothing lasts forever. I am able to look at my parents and all of my relatives and know that love is real and love is there. The proof is in the fact that they are still all together. My parents for 27 years...I'm one of the lucky ones who gets to see that and know that love is for real. You don't always find it the first time...but in my opinion of course love exists. I don't think the world would go around without it. But I still pose the question to you...Does love actually exist?

Overnight Issues

So I was stuck at the station this weekend doing two (count them...TWO) overnights. The first one was ok and went pretty smoothly. I was training someone so I had company for a little bit. It always helps when you have someone to talk to and you're not all alone in the building. Well I wasn't all alone anyway. Just down the hall my boyfriend was sleeping (lucky him, right?) Now on my second overnight of the weekend, he is yet again down the hall sleeping but I'm all alone in the studio. This is the last place I want to be right now. I am TIRED...I want to go home cuddle up in my bed with my kitty and my blanket and just be able to go off peacefully to dreamland. I have a few more hours before that is going to happen. When I get really tired I get cranky and emotional...it's just the way I have always been. You don't even want to talk to me in person right now because I would probably bite your head off. So anyway, I'm sitting here...with not enough caffeine in my obviously because I want to go to sleep. Although my hands are shaking a little so I don't know if I have two much caffeine or not enough. Plus I don't feel good. I ache all over from being tired. And to top it all off I can't help but cry. I know it's stupid...but I said I get emotional when I'm tired. So here I am crying like an idiot and trying to talk on the radio...it's a good thing that no one listens on an overnight anyway. And for once I don't give a damn what I sound like. I'm not focused on anything except making it through and getting out of here and home in one piece. Then a few other things run through my mind...making me think about other things. It's a viscious cycle...and it keeps repeating itself it seems. Yeah, I think I talk a lot when I'm tired too. Anyway, I need to stay wake someone...drinking caffeine!! Until next time...as long as there is a next time...

Thoughts Neverending...

So my mind has been taking some detours lately to unchartered locations. Yeah a lot of thinking has been done. I still don't think it has quite hit me that in the fall I won't be going back to school. It has hit me that I have been working my ass off and I think it's starting to take its toll. As my sister said...3 jobs is 2 too many. I'm beginning to see that. I like what I'm doing as far as that is concerned...but I think I see some burn out right around the corner. I've already had a couple break downs and I think I would prefer not to have that happen again. So I've decided that I just need to start finding time to relax. The past couple of days I have been plagued with just not feeling that great...so I need to learn to spend time on myself. I guess kind of pampering myself in some sense. I've only been working all these jobs for 3 weeks but I think I'm ready for a vacation already. I think things will get easier for me. Covering events every night of the week takes a lot out of me. Probably because they are kind of boring in a sense but I think that I will get used to it as time goes on. I never pictured myself as a reporter. When I went to college for the first time it never crossed my mind that I would ever be able to interview people or write stories about events or news. Am I sorry it went this way? No...not sorry...just surprised. Anyway...going off on tangents again. Just some general thoughts that keep running through my mind. I have several concerns right now that are plaguing me. I'm just hoping in due time the concerns will start to fade. In the meantime...relaxation is the key!! lol...that's my goal anyway. Anyway...I'll keep you posted on what becomes of the jobs and how stressed and burned out I will be. Until next time, signing out...

One of those days...

So have you ever had one of those days that you know you should be in a good mood but instead you can't help but be in a bad mood? Yeah--yesterday was that day for me. I was with Rich the entire day so I should have been ecstatic to just be able to see him and be with him...but instead, I just couldn't help but have concerns and such plague me. Maybe the working thing is catching up to me...that could be my excuse for being so emotional yesterday...but it's probably not true. I know exactly what was on my mind...of course I knew, it is my mind...but as of now I'm not sharing it with anyone. I have a few concerns and problems that I need to try to work through on my own. What are they related to? Well...that question isn't going to be answered either. I couldn't help it, yesterday from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep I would just have moments where I just had to cry. You know sometimes you do just need a good cry. Although being with Rich yesterday I did a pretty good job of hiding it, and he was able to take my mind off of what I was thinking for a little while. And then the nighttime rolled around and I got him concerned, which wasn't my goal by any means. Although I wish I could have stayed with him all night...it might have been a good thing I had to come home. I was able to do some serious thinking...and came to the conclusion that I miss him. lol...so it might have been good to come home by myself, but in the long run, I still wanted to be with him. It's a crazy mixed up vicious cycle that we go through every week when we don't get to see each other. What makes this cycle inevitable? Well...our work schedules for the most part. I'm in the middle of a 15 day stretch of working. That's more then 2 weeks straight...you realize that? I have most days off which is nice I can kind of relax and catch up on sleep...and of course miss Rich more :) But yeah...the main reason for this post was to just ask if you've ever had one of those days where everything should be fine and perfect and ideal but it just isn't? Yeah--it's not fun...especially when you wish the problem wasn't an actual problem...

RANT: Aren't Children Innocent?

I get so irritated when I read news stories where innocent children are involved. So did you see the one where two children were thrown off a hotel balcony by their father before he too jumped to his death? What the hell? If you want to commit suicide, why do you have to bring your children with you? The children were 4 and 8. They didn't know what was going on. Their lives were taken away from them for some stupid reason. I feel the same way when I read about sexual predators and abusers who prey on children via the Internet or anyway really. Child porn site numbers are up online and it's very disheartening to know that statistic. Our children our innocent human beings!! Some sicko is out there looking for "fresh meat" to rape and abuse. They are children. They should be running around outside. They should be living carefree lives. No one, especially a child, should have to live their life looking over their shoulder because they think something is going to happen to them. Remember those days when you could send your children to the park by themselves and know they would come home? Remember when you could trust next door neighbors to watch your children for a few hours while you went grocery shopping? Now you can't take your eyes of your child because there could be someone right around the corner ready to grab them. I just watched a 60 minutes show this past week about a guy who raped and abused over 40 children before he was finally caught because of one brave girl who refused to be his victim. The scumbag got over 400 years in jail for it. I would have said execute his ass. They are innocent children! What I hear nowadays with the way teenagers have started to dress is that "their asking for it." Now come on...is that at all realistic? I don't think any teenager out there is asking to be raped or abused by anyone! With the development of the Internet and sites such as MySpace, more and more sexual predators are out there trying to lure that 12 year old to meet them somewhere. The sad thing is, many of the children will meet these people because they think they are friends. Parents...SPEAK UP!! You need to sit down and talk to your kids about it. You might think they aren't going to listen...but they will hear your voice in the back of their head when they think about meeting someone they met online. Then I watch CSI episodes (yes I'm a CSI addict) and I can't stand to watch some of the episodes about children. I know it is only a TV show, but I also know that many of the ideas they have for shows come from real live situations that have happened throughout the country. Kids are beaten and abused and killed...I just don't know how someone could hurt a child. I don't think I ever will understand that. Granted I don't have any children of my own...and I'm not sure I don't want children of my own...I can't help but smile when I watch them. They are also so happy. They don't have a care in the world. Who would want to take that away from them? I can't help but think about the time when I local girl went missing. Sara Ann Wood...she was found dead in the woods and it sent shock waves throughout the entire area. To think something like that could happen here. That was before a lot of the publicity on the Internet and stuff like that came out. I remember my parents not letting me leave the house at all unless they were with me. I couldn't go to friends houses, I couldn't go to the mall by myself, everyone was terrified. I think it was a wake up call that...children aren't safe. There are people out there who will do everything in their power to make sure children aren't safe. It's sick people! But let me open your eyes to something...IT'S A SICK WORLD!! That's all I'm gonna say...

Just Some Poems

Today has been a hard day for me. I don't completely know why. All I know is it's been raining all day and now we have started some thunderstorms. I don't like thunderstorms...they scare the crap out of me, so it makes me think about Rich being here to comfort me. Which just makes me miss him even more. Sometimes it's better to be working because I am able to take my mind off of him...today he's been the only thing on my mind. When that happens I have to do something...so today I wrote some poems...check them out...let me know what you think! Three Simple Words Three words, together Are all I can find To tell you the way I feel, And so I say them, As I have before But still ... I want to tell you more. So I give you a kiss And hold you tight To go with my words, so few, And try to express the way I feel In a different way for you. Three words, that's all, No more can I find To tell you the way I feel. And, so, I say them Again, once more, Forgetting I've told you before. Then you give me a kiss, And look into my eyes. That's when you tell me, too, These words, Three words We both know will do: "I love you!" Love Love is something special, Love is something dear. Love is a little sadness, When the one you love isn't near. Love is understanding, Love is pure and true. Love is tears of sorrow When the one you love leaves you. Love does not have color, Love does not have race. Love does not have beauty Or a pretty made-up face. Love is something simple, Love is something blind. Love is something important That's truly one of a kind. You're On My Mind I sit here on this rainy day, Nothing to do, nothing to say. You're on my mind All the time. Soft and delicate is your kiss. Being with you is what I miss, Your hands, gentle and sweet. I'm thankful for the day we got to meet. You're on my mind All the time. We fit together, so soft and snug. I miss your loving arms, your strong hug. You're the only one that I love. You're my angel from above. I love you with all my heart and soul. I'll be yours forever, yours to hold. You're on my mind All the time.

The First Week

So my first week of working 3 jobs is kind of officially over. I know you say it's Friday...but usually (if all goes as planned) I get Friday's off...which is good. I don't always get them off though...but when I do, I take advantage of it. Slept until 11 today...lol...yeah that's taking advantage of it!! Although this weekend on Saturday I have to put 3 hours in for WIBX and 7 hours for Lite. Then Sunday, 4 hours for Lite and 3 hours at the nursing home. Then Monday, Memorial Day, I have to put in 5 hours for Lite and a few for WIBX. Then Tuesday through Thursday doing more reporting for WIBX. I know when the money starts coming in I might be able to see that it's worthwhile...but now I'm just tired and wondering if I'll be able to keep doing this. So I've been asked by a few people...when do you have time to see your boyfriend? Uh...I don't? We spent last weekend together because I knew it would be awhile before we got to do that again. He's working a lot too, so it just boils down to making the most of the time we do get to see each other. Plus it's kind of hard with gas prices the way they are and us not living that close to each other. So it's raining out now...kind of fits my mood today. I'm drinking my coffee and letting my mind wander to places that it probably shouldn't. My parents are out of town for the holiday weekend so therefore I have to deal with my little sister all by myself. She's 18, but she acts like she's still 12. Drives me completely nuts. Like my family's been doing lately. My mom worries about my jobs, my boyfriend, my life...and I just want to tell her to leave me alone. I know she's a mom and it's her job...but it's irritating. I know she cares about me and is only looking out for me, but I'm 21 and it is my life. She's not able to change it. My dad is a little more acceptable about everything that my mom worries about. You think it would be the other way around because I'm "daddy's little girl." He seems to trust me and think I'll make the right decisions. My mom and I have drifted apart lately. I don't tell her as much as I used to. In some way I think I'm trying to grow up and live my life and she's still trying to hold me back. Maybe I just need to get out and get my own apartment and then maybe we'll grow closer because we aren't living together 24/7. I know I grew closer to my older sister when she moved away to college. Now it's more like we're friends who can talk about anything, then sisters. I love that feeling. It's someone I can always count on to be there for me when I need to talk. Anyway these are just a few things that have been on my mind lately. I don't know when another post will be coming because I am going to be so damn busy this coming week. But maybe a time will open up when I'll be able to let you know how the fun filled holiday weekend went! Catch ya on the flip side! :)

Love Will Come Back

There's a new song out by Chicago. It's been running through my head for a few days and I know why. It's called "Love Will Come Back." It's a great tune...and it really just kind of fits me right now. You'll see what I mean in a little bit. I don’t love you anymore We’ve all heard those words before Somebody takes your heart and then Leaves you the pieces I've been out of the whole "dating cycle" for a couple of years. It's not that I didn't want someone...trust me, there were times I just needed that shoulder to cry on or just wanted to be laying in someone's arms with nothing else to care about. It's the fact that I had so much shit going on. I was working non-stop and school was still a priority for me. Then of course there was the last relationship. He tried to change who I was. I was young and stupid and of course gullable. Until I found out the truth, and that was it. I wasn't going to let someone take my heart again...not unless I was sure. I wasn't going to go through it again. Thus...the trouble with trust. Sure, I went on dates with people in those two years...but I don't think I went out a second time with any of them. Then someone came along who could change all that. Lying shattered on the floor They say that when you close a door Another one is waiting there For you to open... if you believe! It's when I wasn't looking or caring if I had someone there...that I found it. Was it part of some plan? Probably...it was obviously time for me to start to move on. I'm not saying I dwelled on the break up for two years, but I wasn't ready to deal with anything. I wanted time alone...wanted to think...wanted to cry. Earlier this year I looked back on it and I got so angry...not upset. I think that was my cue that I was ready to put it all behind me. Yes...you might think I'm stupid for thinking about it for two years...but love is always hard to get over. For me anyway...I moved on, and that anger has suddenly turned to acceptance. There was a reason I went through that. I learned a hell of a lot about love and relationships. Love will come back Hit you when you least expect it Fill in the cracks Of a broken heart you thought That you could never mend You, you can start again! Suddenly...I find myself in love and happy. You ask me when these feelings started again and I can't answer that. All I know is...I'm happy. It's been awhile since I've been this happy. I talk to friends who are out "looking" for someone, and I give this piece of advice, "don't." It'll find you. When it's meant to be...it's meant to be. I know that can sound corny and cliche...but to me it's completely true. Love hit me when I least expected it to. Oh, when you think you’ve lost the only way All you really need Is a little faith Faith...I knew that everything was going to happen for a reason. I meet the wrong people to get to the right. And along this road we call life...we learn a lot of things. Love is one of them. You have to learn to love...and I'm far better off now... Just let love return to you You can start again!