Thursday, December 17, 2009

Something...

There's something about this time of year that is so peaceful - so surreal - so wonderful!

It's been a stressful year, I'm not quite sure about a few things, and I'm struggling with a few other things, and feel like I'm running on empty. Then you have parties or get together with family, friends, and loved ones and you remember just why you're here. At least I do. With the Girl Scout council being just 5 months old it has been a very stressful transition and micro-managing and learning for everyone. Everyone thinks their way is best and it gets to be very difficult to focus on the reason you're here. It's for the girls. They get a safe environment away from the other pressures of school and boys and peer pressure. It's focusing on that and some of the amazing stories that I hear about everyday that keep me going. That and the time we, as co-workers, get to get together. It's hard being spread across 26 counties now - you can't connect with people as easily, so when our office gets together it's great. We had a Christmas party today and ordered food in and played some games - it was really amazing.

Now I'm hoping that the week we're off between Christmas and New Years gives us all a chance to rejuvenate and take a step back from everything we're going through to make us all stronger for the New Year.

There's just something peaceful about this time of year that makes me not care about the little things as much. I focus on the things that matter like being with my family and being thankful that it has been another wonderful year and that we're all healthy and there to celebrate it together. There's things more important then what gift to get or what cookies to bake...it's the time with your family that can't be replaced. Treasure it. Remember it. And never forget it!

Monday, November 09, 2009

It's that time of year

With Christmas a short 46 days away, I always spend some time thinking about the meaning of Christmas and sometimes wishing those that I love could be around to celebrate with us. It never ceases to amaze me as I watch people start to gather in the stores to buy those electronics and games or fight over that last toy left on the shelf. What are we teaching our children to expect tons of things on Christmas? And that's all it is...things...stuff that quite often will end up broken or stuffed in a corner somewhere. I think about those that have nothing and would give anything to be able to give their child something, even clothes for them to wear. Why aren't we helping them instead of spoiling children (or adults for that matter)? They would love a nice warm meal on Christmas or a place to stay that's out of the snow and cold, something we always take for granted.

Why aren't we teaching children the real meaning of Christmas? Take some time out this holiday season to really think about your life and what values you hope your children will grow up with. Teach them to help out this holiday season, whether it's ringing the bell for the Salvation Army Red Kettle campaign, or volunteering at a food bank or soup kitchen for a few days ... these are things that make a real difference and your children will thank you for as they get older. It's never too early to instill in your children the act of generosity. There are people that are a lot less fortunate and could use your help! Remember that this holiday season and lend a hand!

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Gearing up for the biggest event of my life...

So what do you think of when you see that title? Not yet marriage or a child...so what could it be? Well the best event in the country of course! Boilermaker Sunday is fast approaching...it's a 15K run throughout the great streets of our city. No, I'm not taking part in the 15K run because I really don't want to die yet. I am however, for the first time, participating in some Boilermaker festivities. Their are a ton of opportunities to take part in the Boilermaker every year. This year, I am walking, with my parents, in the 3-mile walk. I tell people 3 miles and they say that that's no big deal...but for me, it is. I've never walked 3-miles before. That is until this week. Two days this week I walked on the treadmill for 3 miles so I'm ready and prepared for it! The walk takes place on Saturday and I think I'm ready to do it! I'm sure I'll be sore the next day as right now my legs and back are killing me from the two days of 3-mile walking, but I'm ready and excited!

On Sunday I'm taking part in another way. Last year my dad and I were up at like 6 a.m. to go watch the racers. This year, for the third non-consecutive year, I am working at the station for the Boilermaker Music Marathon...two hours of commercial-free music for the runners. It's great music too! Music we don't play normally, but it's upbeat and I love working during it because it'll get me going. I just hope I'm not in a huge amount of pain by the time I have to get up to work.

So my weekend is jam-packed full of fun stuff. The great thing is my weekend gets going at 5 p.m. today as I took tomorrow off and am spending the day at Enchanted Forest/Water Safari. I'm actually getting excited about spending the day there and getting to go on some water rides. Aww...fun times! Let the weekend begin *looks at clock* ok...4 hours to go...then let the weekend begin!

Monday, July 06, 2009

Hoping for a change of heart...

It's a Monday. That should be enough said...Monday's are typically not good days. Yet, usually I can get motivated enough on a Monday to accomplish something. Anything would do. Granted I did accomplish a couple press releases and getting ready for my meeting tomorrow...but I'm just down in the dumps.

Now it could be the fact that I had to come back after a 3-day weekend...noone likes that. It could be the fact that I desperately need a vacation and it's still a month and a half away. But it's none of that...I know exactly what it is. It's the fact that after a long weekend with him I'm back home...alone...and miserable. Lately it seems that sometimes it hurts more to be with him and then have to leave then it does to just talk online. That I can deal with...it's the leaving part that is becoming almost too hard to handle. At least for the summer I know the next time I'll get to spend time with him...but then what? We're both too busy and wrapped up in whatever to make it happen as often as it should...often going months on end without spending any quality time together.

Why do they say absence makes the heart grow fonder? It sucks...bottom line. Maybe because it's been 3 and a half years, but it sucks. In hindsight I wonder if I knew how hard it would be if things would have been different for me. I just wonder why...

I'm an independent woman for crying out loud...I don't need a guy to make me happy, right? Well apparently that's BS also. I look back at high school and college when all my friends had guys and I was quite content being on my own. I didn't need anyone. I was focused on my schooling and my career. Building myself up in my career has always been my number one priority.

Then he came along. Swept me off my feet (not literally...although that would have been interesting). It wasn't bad at first because we did get to see each other more because he was working more up here so I knew I would see him and we went out occassionally. Plus I was still building myself up in my career, and it still came first. Until recently it never really bothered me that we didn't see each other that much. Maybe now because I'm settled in my career, and quite HAPPY about where I am for the first time in a long time. I guess now I want the relationship to progress like my career did but now we seem to be stuck in the same place we have been for over a year. I guess with neither of us willing to relocate now things are going to remain this way for awhile.

I'm just not sure how much more my heart can take. It feels like it's in pieces...

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Trying to figure things out

I haven't been in the greatest of moods lately, and to top it off I hurt my shoulder on Sunday so now I'm in an even worse mood. I'm trying to make it through each day, which for some reason is always harder then the previous day. I'm looking forward to my August vacation, because lets face it, I need it. I need time away from both my jobs, and I'm happy to be spending it in Virgina, a great place to spend a week. Maybe I need a vacation to be able to figure things out. We're also looking at taking a cruise early next year, so I'm excited about going on my first cruise. I'm happy I get to take paid vacations now. Makes it a lot easier to take a vacation.

So anyway, yeah, haven't been in a great mood. I'm making it through work, then I go home, eat dinner, sometimes walk with my mom, and sit in front of the TV. So I've been trying to change that. My sister and I are going to My Sister's Keeper (a free showing) tomorrow night and the next week my mom and I are going to Drums Along the Mohawk in Rome. I'm tired of sitting around not doing anything because I have noone to do it with, so I'm going to start taking things into my own hands...even if it means doing things with my family. They're usually up for it anyway.

So I took my walk today during lunch and it was a gorgeous walk...had to be in the 70's with a slight breeze. I listen to my mp3 player to get me pumped and moving and a song that I forgot about but love came on. Have you heard SheDaisy's "Don't Worry 'Bout A Thing?" It was very fitting and I even smiled during the song. So I let that song be a part of my day today...maybe not after today, but I'm going to try to not worry about a thing for the rest of today. If you haven't heard the song, lyrics are below, and you should really listen to it sometime...great song to put you in a better mood!

Ever been misunderstood, misused, or misled
Ever knocked on the sky
and had it fall on your head
well, don't worry 'bout it, don't worry
Ever lost your luggage, your marbles,
your house
Or found yourself in bed with Uncle Sam or Mickey Mouse
Ever been accused of murder on Music Row
Or caught in morning traffic when you
really gotta go - Oh no!

Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing

Ever sat yourself down when the
seat is all wet
Or see your "ex" sucking face with
a little brunette
Don't worry 'bout it, no don't worry
Ever lost your religion, ever lost your
best friend
Or found your last record in the bargain bin
Or been stuck in a divorce like crazy glue
Or scraped someone else's gum off the
bottom of your show - Boo hoo!

Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Somestimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing

Don't worry, don't worry

We all got a little junk in the trunk
And when you're feelin' good as sunk
Remember, everything will be just fine
If I laugh at yours then you'll laugh at mine

Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing

Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'botu a thing

Don't worry, don't worry

Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Everything happens for a reason...

So much is going on lately. So much that is making me soooooo tired day in and day out. My mind is overloaded with things I'm thinking about, yet it never prevents me from falling asleep because I'm soooooo tired.

My grandfather's been in the hospital for a few weeks now. They thought they would lose him but he's hanging on. My mom and aunt flew out yesterday to be with him and look at some nursing homes that offer rehab programs. He was apparently bit by a tick and he has some type of disease (can't remember the name of it - and no it's not lyme) and it's caused nerological damage and complete loss of vision. He is legally blind anyway but could see shadows and things...now he can't see anything. As I keep telling everyone he's a fighter and stubborn as hell and he'll live for another 10 years. So my mom says he looks good, which is good.

When all this started, I know it's awful to say, but I wasn't upset. I keep thinking back to the times we used to spend together. Before my grandmother passed away we had a great time. They lived in Utica with us, right down the street from our elementary school. Sometimes we used to walk to their apartment from the school. We'd spend the night at their place and our grandmother would teach us cool art things and our grandfather would read to us or take us outside for a walk. I was only 12 when she passed away and it devastated me. We were so young that that was the worst thing that could ever happen. I think the hardest part is she wouldn't even let her grandchildren see her in the hospital before she passed away. She didn't want us seeing her like that. And then she was gone. The funeral is the worst thing I ever went through. For months I spent time in my room writing in my journal just trying to get the feelings out. When he remarried I was happy for him. He needed someone to spend the rest of his life with, and she's a great woman. He moved to Maryland to live in her house. After that, he pretty much alienated everyone on his side of the family. Never visited, never called. We see him once every 5 or 6 years probably. We saw him last year and he just has to find a way to insult everyone of his granddaughters and even his daughters...nothing is ever good enough for him. So when we were leaving, my mom blew up at him which really upset her. She felt like she let her mom down by yelling at her father because she was raised to never raise your voice at your parents. They made up a few weeks later by talking on the phone and now here she is, out with him. I wish I had a grandfather that was a little more involved. If my grandmother was still around she would be so proud about the way her granddaughters grew up. He doesn't care. Nothing is ever good enough. He cared a little more when she was around. I know when he does finally pass away we'll all be sad, because he is family and we do love him, but at the same time he's never been there for us. He was hardly ever there for his daughters. Maybe all this happend as a way for God to tell us that he's not going to be around forever and we need to forgive and forget and come together as a family.

For once the bright spot in my life is work. I'm loving work and can't wait to start working for the new council. Work is the one thing I can guarentee will take my mind off of everything else I'm struggling with lately. I have constant battles in my head about certain issues, and I just wonder if it'll ever change. I just want to be normal...have a normal relationship, have a normal family, just be normal, is that too much to ask?

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Hurt feelings and stuff...

So to say the least I'm not in a good mood. I'm making do and trying to figure things out. I've always been an independent person. I know what I want and I go after what I want. I've been working since I was 15, and since I started in the full-time world a few years ago, I have not been without a job, despite the fact that I was rejected for a few full-time openings and let go from one place, the same day I got another job. I've worked hard to be an independent woman with hopes and dreams, and I think I'm fulfilling them now. I'm learning a lot and growing and turning into the person I hope to continue to be. I'm also an emotional person and maybe I take too many things to heart, but it's the person I am. I hate when people don't think I'm doing my best. Sure everyone makes mistakes and I can accept that, I've made my fair share of mistakes. But when I don't think I've made a mistake, and am accused of making a mistake...well let's just say I can be a stubborn person...

I guess to get to the point, I've been hurt. Not the physical kind, but the emotional kind. It's a hurt I didn't see coming. It's a hurt that will pass with time. It's a hurt that I'm sorry can't fix. It's a hurt that shouldn't have happened. Communication is key, and when you don't, or you say things without thinking, it leads to a hurt that can't be taken back and could have been avoided. When I trust someone, I trust them with my whole heart, and this has left a spot on that trust. The spot too will fade. I love you with all my heart. The heart just needs a little healing now.

So I know that everything in my life has happend for a reason. What explains this best is a song from Carrie Underwood called "Lessons Learned"

There's some things that I regret
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change life has thrown me,
I'm thankful for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
Bit it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change life has thrown me,
I'm thankful for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
'Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall rom my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change life has thrown me,
I'm thankful for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.

I'm sure a lot of you could relate to these lyrics. And the lyrics came back into my head today and it seemed to fit my mood so thought I would post them up here.

I'm ready to move on from this hurt. Gone but not forgotten for now. It'll be ok...

Friday, May 29, 2009

Weird medical issues?

So lately I've been having some issues which I believe to be connected to my health. It's really weird. I was with my dad at an installation he was being installed at and I almost passed out. It's the weirdest feeling ever. My heart started racing, my ears started to ring, I started to sweat, my head was pounding, I started to get weak, my vision went white and I almost passed out. It was when I was standing at the beginning of the ceremony and then every time I stood after that it would start to come back. Now those of you that know me know I don't like being the center of attention so it would have been awful to go down, but I'm sure I was that close.

The reasoning behind it remains a mystery. I am prone to panic attacks when I get stressed and/or nervous, but I didn't feel stressed or nervous. I was my normal self, taking pictures for my dad, enjoying an evening with my family. Now for the past few days (since that day) I seem to be getting dizzy more often and have no idea why. I'm hoping it's not something serious. I have a clean bill of health for my heart, but it could be my blood pressure or blood sugar or something like that...who knows.

All I know is it's making me pretty nervous, especially if this begins to happen more regularly. Maybe the panic attacks I got as a teenager are getting worse. That would not be good. Any thoughts and/or suggestions? Anyone ever experience similar situations or symptoms?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Looking forward to a new adventure

Let's face it...sometimes your life just gets into a rut, right? You know what I'm talking about. The day to day activities are just that...the same thing from day to day. During the week it's quite simple, I wake up (way too early I might add!), I exercise, I get ready for work, I go to work, I get out of work and go home, sometimes exercise, eat dinner, and then sit in my chair on the computer until I go to bed and wake up the next morning to do it all over again. Now sometimes there is a little variety in my routine. Maybe I'll go out to dinner on a night, or something, but typically it's my regular routine. Sound exciting? Wait until you hear about the excitement of the weekends...I get up (get to sleep a little later!), exercise, go to church (on Sundays), go to work (on Saturdays), come home and sit in the chair on the computer. Exciting? Yeah, not so much.

I get tired of doing the same old thing from day to day. I'm only 24 years old, I should have a life and I should be living the life. I guess I'm not really sure how I do that. I've been working since age 15, and typically on weekends I had to be up at 4:30 in the morning to get to work, so I never had the opportunity to stay out late. Also I never had a whole lot of friends...just my little group, and now they are all busy either working or spending time with their signficant others (which I don't get to do all that often), and so I'm stuck in my routine.

So yes I am looking forward to my new job (which is not starting as of June 1 like originally planned). I think the variety in the job will help me get out of this rut I'm in. There is a lot more traveling involved with the position, and I like to travel, so that will be good. I also noticed I have missed the going out part of the job I had as a reporter, and the covering breaking news. The rush I got when I did that live spot on the radio about the guy arrested for attacking and raping a Utica girl was such a rush. Although the story was sad and disturbing, I got to tell the story and watch as it unfolded. Same thing with covering the breaking news of the women's body found behind a firehouse...there's something about breaking news that just gets your adrenaline flowing. Any reporter knows what I'm talking about. So being able to travel and go see different areas of the state (and Pennsylvania) and going to different events, I think it's going to be a good thing.

Although I'm happy and exciting about starting a new chapter of my life, some things never change when it comes to the routine...and for now we'll deal with that. What the future holds for me, only God knows, but for now I'll enjoy the journey.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Needle in a Haystack

You ever get that feeling like you're searching for a needle in a haystack? No matter what you will never find what you're looking for? Sometimes I feel like that. I'm scrambling around just trying to figure out where my life is heading or where I am supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing. Everything happens for a reason. I know that. God puts you where you are supposed to be at that time. With everything I've gone through, I've always landed on my feet.

I've always been a religious person. Been going to church my entire life. Your life is mapped out when you're a kid. You go to school. You participate in extracurricular activities. You go to church. Your parents pretty much take control and lead you through life, pretty much until you graduate from high school. Granted when you're in high school you get some freedom. You get to date, you can have summer jobs or jobs in general, you get to go out with your friends. But there's also a certain aspect of expectation placed on you to live up to your parents standards. You still follow their rules and have to listen to them or you won't be dating or going out with friends. Every teenager wants that freedom. They want to get away from that "expectation" and the "control" that parents have. I was never that type of kid. Rarely went out late at night, rarely dated (if you went to my school you'd know why!). I was a homebody. I liked being surrounded by my family and liked going out with my parents when they went shopping or out to dinner. Both my sisters didn't want to be seen with my parents when they got older, different personalities I guess.

But then you graduate high school, now what? Now your parents have let the reigns go. Now YOU decide what you want to do. I know I still felt pressure from my parents to continue schooling and go to college. I don't think I HAD to by any means. My parents would have supported my decision to not go to college, but they knew I could do more. My grades would only get me into a community college, but there I blossomed and after 2 years got accepted as a transfer at my original first choice college, which, for me, was a huge accomplishment. In my opinion, a female in the working field today, needs to have that bachelor's degree to compete with any men going for a certain position. It shows what you've accomplished and that you're a hard worker and able to compete in today's workforce. Then you graduate college...now what? There's no roadmap layed out like when you were a child. Now you're on your own. Parents will guide you and offer input if you ask, but essentially you're an adult. It's time to make decisions.

Getting my first full-time job was a huge accomplishment for me. Working there for a year gave me some graet experience. The day I was laid off I felt like my world was crumbling around me. But as I mention, everything happens for a reason. The shortest unemployment in history ended the same day it happened as I received a "part-time with benefits" job. That would at least keep me working until I found another job. When I thought everything around me was crumbling, it was God holding my hand, leading me to the next place I was supposed to be.

Most recently it was God standing by me as I first received the job at the Girl Scouts and a few weeks ago when I re-interviewed and received my first choice job in the new Girl Scout council.

Yeah, everything happens for a reason, now looking forward, I'm very excited about what the future will bring in both my working career and my life. Sometimes it's hard searching for that needle in a haystack, but in the end, the journey is well worth it.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Missing the days of camp...

Did you ever go to camp as a child? If not I think you missed out on something pretty amazing. I went to camp for a week every summer from about 5th grade to 9th grade (when I got too busy and started working during my summers). It always gave me something to look forward to every summer. So what brought on this reminscing about camp?

Yesterday at church it was "Camping Sunday." They brought in someone from my old camp to tell stories, sing campfire songs, and make s'mores with the kids. See the camp I went to every year was a Christian Camp, called Pathfinder Lodge. It's right outside Cooperstown, NY, and it was amazing. The days we went were interesting in the beginning...plain old log cabins with bunk beds, dirty bathrooms, no showers, but it was ok. It was part of the adventure of camping. If we wanted to shower we had to "Polar Bear" it, which meant getting up at like 6 in the morning and going down to the lake (which was VERY VERY VERY cold) that early in the morning, and we bathed in our bathing suits. By the time I went for my last year of camping, they had showers and were beginning to build new "cabins" which now look like suites. Totally insulated and away from the elements. I should go back and see how many of those have replaced the actual cabins. So during Camping Sunday I started to think about the friends I made and wish I had kept in contact with. I also sang and did the motions to every camping song they sang (it's a wonder how fast it all comes back). The campfires were awesome. Every night you got to gather around a campfire and sing the songs you learned, they told a story and ended the campfire in prayer, before the counselors led you back to the cabins. It was such a wonderful feeling to be surrounded by all these people that felt the same way as you and didn't care who you were. You were all there to have a good time and connect as Christians.

Of course there was swimming and arts and crafts at camp. They often played soccer, volleyball, and took you out on the boats. They had a camp shop to buy items and a snack shop. There was often some free time in the day where you could pretty much do what you wanted, so you'd hang out in the water or go do some arts and crafts. Also during the week they would label a few days, like "Backwords Day". That was my favorite, you dressed backwords, some people walked backwords, and the best part was eating your dessert first (it was backwords day after all!) You even had to sing for your mail during the week. That was pretty embarrasing, but in hindsight, very funny.

You know you think as a kid how great it would be to grow up and be able to do things you can't as a kid. I remember hearing people tell me that you whould enjoy being a kid as long as possible, and I guess I never understood that until looking back on what I've done throughout my life. I was anxious to get my first job at 14, and I did, but I can honestly say I finally realize...they were right. You should enjoy being a kid. You have the rest of your life to be an adult. I'll be working for the rest of my life. For now I love what I'm doing but my little trip down memory lane has taught me to appreciate everything in life. You don't know how much longer you'll be able to do it or hold onto it. Everything in life is precious, don't take it for granted.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

It can really be done!!

Those of you that have ever fought with your weight can probably relate. Sitting in front of the television eating snack after snack, going out to grab fast food because it's easy, drinking soda morning, noon, and night. I used to do all that. Not that I don't feel the urge to splurge once in awhile but I come back to the fact that it's just not worth it.

My mom and I have been members of Weight Watchers for 7 months now. We went in skeptical about if this would even work. We'd both tried our own "diets" and could never make it work. We'd drop a couple pounds here or there but nothing substantial or long-term. Well get this, between the two of us we have lost 81 pounds. That's pretty amazing, right? I think the hardest part was walking through those doors. I had vowed to myself back in September that if I got this job at the Girl Scouts I would go to Weight Watchers and start to take care of myself. I think it was God's way of saying "you're worth it." Before all of this I didn't feel like I was. I wasn't happy in the job I was in, I wasn't happy about working nights all the time, and I was unhappy about the way I looked, so it was time for a change. We went to our first meeting in the beginning of October and have been going every Thursday since. The great thing about Weight Watchers is it's not just a diet where you lose weight and then go off the program food or whatever and put it back on. I hear so much about people going back to their old habits. This is about breaking those habits and creating a new way of life for you. You eat regular foods and you're allowed to have cookies and ice cream, you just have to write it down and use your points for it.

I'm gradually changing my way of living. I don't crave sweets as much and I used to have a Mountain Dew everyday. I've looked at the Mountain Dew now and it has like over 300 calories in a bottle I drank everyday, it's not worth it! I don't eat fast food. I'll go to Subway now and get a sub. I do still go out to dinner occassionally but am a little more aware of what I order there or cut down the portion size. I must be doing something right since I've dropped 39 pounds so far. Weight Watchers sets a goal for you to reach while on the program. Once you reach the goal you become a lifetime Weight Watchers member. I still have another 41 pounds to go, but I'm getting there! It's a week-by-week battle. I now exercise every single morning, and go to the gym on Saturday mornings. I've also gotten into the habit of exercising 3 or 4 nights a week as well. When I have a setback (like the trip to Vegas) I get right back on track the next week. I'm beginning to learn that it's just not worth it to splurge on sweets. I'd much rather be healthy. Exercising makes me feel better and I feel better about myself and buying new clothes (in smaller sizes!!)

So when I hear people complain about slipping back into their old routines or complain about not being able to lose weight, I point out that it can be done. My mom and I are living proof of that. When we both get down to our goal weights, we've decided to write a book describing our accomplishments and the hard work and energy that went into it. We both deserve it, and finally we see that!

Monday, May 04, 2009

Loving it

I'm finally happy. Happy about almost everything!

The call came in Friday evening. I got my first choice job with the new Girl Scout council. As of June 1 I will be the Media Manager, which focuses more on what I'm interested in then my current job does. Currently I do everything communications related, whether it be press releases, covering events the council holds, writing grants, designing and writing publications, etc. Now I will be communicating with media from throughout the 26 counties our council will serve. I'll be writing press releases, securing coverage for our council events, covering council events, and so on. 60% of the time I will be traveling throughout the council jurisdiction, which I'm really excited about. I like to travel and get out and meet people, so it'll be great to have this opportunity. My homebase will still be in the New Hartford office since I was told you get to choose the office you want to work out of. It's great! The stress from all of this has finally come to an end since I actually know where I'll be a month from now. As it got down to the point where you didn't know where you were going to be in 2 or 3 months, everyone around here was on edge, but as soon as I got the call I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders. This is where I'm supposed to be and I'm excited about this new challenge and this new opportunity. Did I mention I get like a $6,000 raise? Yeah...sweet, right?

The celebrations are coming this weekend! My parents are taking me out to dinner on Saturday to celebrate. I'm hoping to be able to save up for a computer and a car, so I should be able to do that now that I'll be making more. I'm excited. I feel bad though since some of our co-workers aren't moving on...it's hard to be excited for myself but also know that they didn't get positions. It's hard.

I know I said I'm finally happy about almost everything in my life, but my work sometimes is all I have. I don't get to see my friends too much because they're busy working too (have to make a living somehow), and I don't get to see my boyfriend much because he doesn't live around here, but for once in my life it doesn't matter much. I'm happy, and right now...nothing can change that!

Friday, April 24, 2009

One of those days

Have you ever had one of those days where when you wake up you just know nothings going to go right? It's one of those days where you wonder what the point of even trying is? You just know that you'll screw up whatever you do and have to redo it so you're better off sitting there twiddling your thumbs? Yeah...it's one of those days.

Two pieces of chocolate cake did not agree with me yesterday and I woke up with a pounding headache. However after doing horrible at my weigh in yesterday I knew that I needed to exercise and had convinced myself that I was going to get up and do so, so I did. The running on the treadmill agravated my head and in the shower this morning I was just ready to curl up in the bottom of the shower and let the water hit me. I've done that before when I have an awful headache, and it seems to help. I felt a little better after the shower but I sat in the chair this morning and dozed off for about 10 minutes. I'm lucky I woke up to come to work. I can barely keep my eyes open today. And I can barely look at the computer screen today as my head is just saying "you don't want to do anything, do you?" I'm looking at the clock and am happy that there's only 2 hours left in the day. I hope to go home and exercise again (laughs...riiiiight) and maybe eat lunch (not sure if I'll eat or just curl up on the couch) and then I'll lay down for a nap. I need it today. I have to get up at 4:30 in the morning tomorrow to work at 6, that's an early shift! I don't do that often, and there's a reason for it! The good part is I can actually enjoy the day outside because I'm not working the whole day. I hope to go for a nice long walk since it'll be in the mid to upper 80's! Gonna drag Rich with me to go for a walk. Perfect day for it.

All I need to do right now is shake this headache. I always know that too much chocolate (especially dark chocolate) gives me a headache but I'm a freaking sucker for chocolate so I eat it anyway. You think I'd learn. I always tell myself that you can do without, but it never works that way. I wish I could remember how I feel right now and that would be the biggest incentive to staying away from chocolate. So here I go to kill 2 more hours of time...any suggestions?

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Vegas Baby!!

Coming back from a vacation is always a challenge. At least I seem to think so. Vacations are necessary in order to relax and rejuvinate, but eventually they all must come to an end and you have to get back to the "real world" I guess. This was one of the biggest vacations I have ever taken, and the best and most memorable. I love all my vacations I have been able to take and I carry memories with me forever, but this one was just so huge and one of the most costly. Was it worth it? Hell yeah! So here's my Vegas vacation in a nutshell. If you're thinking about going to Vegas, it comes highly recommended!

We hit the ground running in Vegas. Plane landed around 2 p.m., and with the 3 hour time difference, it was like 5 p.m. our time, which made for a long day since we were in the air at 6:20 that morning. We had to wait awhile for our pre-booked shuttle from the airport to the hotel, but we checked into the hotel around 3:30 p.m. We changed and got ready for an afternoon/night out on the town. We eventually found the bus and paid our $3 to take the bus to the strip (we stayed in a downtown hotel - cheaper and not as noisy at night). Then we went to the Caesars Forum Shops where we wandered around and found the Apple store so Rich could check that out. Then we went to the Fall of Atlantis Show which was very cool. We ate shortly after at the Cheesecake Factory. When we went back outside it was dark, which was great because it made for some great nighttime photos. You know how you see great nighttime photos of Vegas online? Well being there in person is 100 times better! I was like a kid at Christmas. I couldn't stop looking at everything. We wandered around for a bit and made our way to the Flamingo Hotel and Casino. There we found the Wildlife Habitat, which was cool. They had flamingos, different types of fish, ducks, lots of cool areas to wander and explore. After that we decided to do one last thing for the evening and that was to see the Bellagio Fountains. They are absolutely amazing! Nothing beats seeing those. It is totally and completely incredible! Nothing else I have ever seen compares to that.

The next day started out early. I think we weren't completely used to the time change yet, despite not going to bed until 10:30, which was like 1:30 a.m. our time. We got up at 6:30 a.m., took showers and went for our free breakfast at the hotel. Then it was time to explore again. The weather was calling for Temps in the 90s so it was time to lather up with sunscreen, grabbed our cameras, and out the door. This time we bought the 24-hour bus pas for $7, well worth it, let me tell you, you don't want to walk the entire time! We headed to the furthest end of the strip away from our hotel and got off at the Luxor Hotel. That's an amazing hotel to see from the outside. It's lined with egyptian items. We continued our way down, checking out the Excalibur Hotel and the New York New York Hotel. We then made our way to the MGM Grand, where there is a lion habitat. The lions were cool to see. The next stop was a must, the M&M World! 4 stories of M&M Goodness! Needless to say I bought some stuff from there and brought home stuff for the family (we actually went twice to the M&M World! - It was THAT good!) Following that we were both getting kind of tired and very hot, so we decided to stop at our final place for the day and that was the Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat at the Mirage Hotel. This was what I was most excited about while visiting. I collect dolphin items so it was off we went to that. $15 to get in, but while worth it! I watched the dolphins play and swim for probably a good 45 minutes and got tons of pictures! Then we headed into the Secret Garden place. They took our pictures, which we later bought. They had lions, llamas, ducks, tigers, tons of cool animals in the secret garden. Most were trying to seek shade because they were hot. On the way out we stopped in the gift shop and I got a stuffed dolphin and a souvenir to go in my collection. Once we made it back to the hotel we immediately threw on our bathing suits and headed to the pool. Great day to lay out by the pool and cool down. We then showered and had dinner in the hotel before heading back out to go to our big show, Penn & Teller! It was a good show, funny, and Rich got their autographs so I think he was excited about that. That had to be his favorite part of the trip for sure.

For Monday, our last full day there, we began our day a little later, about 9:30 a.m., got used to the time change just in time to go back home the next day. We ate our free breakfast again and bought our 24-hour pass again. We started off at a huge gift shop and bought sovenirs for the family and friends. Then we visited Circus Circus Hotel. By about 11 in the morning it was already around 95 degrees so we were very hot. We climbed on the bus and I got off at the Fashion Show Mall while Rich headed to a ham radio shop out there. I promptly got a cold Starbucks drink and made my way to the Caesars Forum Shops where I sat in the air conditioning for awhile just people watching. Then I finally decided I was hot and miserable so I headed back to the hotel and told Rich I'd meet him there. I took a nice nap :) He didn't get back until around 3 so we relaxed for a bit before heading back out and going to dinner at Outback Steakhouse. We then made our way back down the strip to the Venetian, which is cool with the gondola rides and the Mirage, which starting at 8 p.m. every hour has a volcano show where a real volcano eruptes. That was amazing as well! After that it was time to head back to the hotel. We dropped off our purchases and changed before heading down to right below our hotel for the Fremont Street Experience. Cool lights, shows, and tons of people were down there. We hung out for awhile before heading back up to pack up our stuff. We were in bed around 11 p.m. and up at 2:30 a.m. We had to catch our shuttle to the airport at 3:30 a.m. We were sitting at our gate by 4:30 and our flight took off at 6:30. We were home safe and sound at 4 p.m. (our time)

We squeezed so much into those three days that if you go it is recommended to take a week to do everything. We hope to go back as we didn't do everything we had wanted to. Wish I had more time to do some gambling. It's always nice to be home, but vacations are necessary to stay sane with working ALL the time! Highly recommended with 5 stars!!

Monday, April 06, 2009

Dreary Monday

I hate days like this. It's a day you just want to be curled up in bed with the one you love watching TV or movies all day. I hate it especially on a Monday because it's hard enough getting up to go back to work, and the rain just makes me want to go crawl back under my covers. It's supposed to be a nasty week here, rain today, snow tomorrow and Wednesday, but Thursday there is supposed to be sunshine, which would be good. No walking this week I guess, unless by some miracle the forecast changes.

This is another week closer to the trip to Vegas. Can't wait, especially when it's nasty like this, it's in the 70's in Vegas, and we're stuck in the 30's and 40's so yeah as you can imagine, I can't wait! Only 12 days left, two weeks essentially and to say I'm excited is an understatement. I think I'm not even most excited about seeing Vegas. I'm most excited about going with Rich. We don't get to see each other much. Although after the trip things will go back the way they were which doesn't make me entirely happy but I don't know what else to do about that. I just wish it were easier and I didn't get as emotional as I do about it, but it is who I am and when I'm upset, you know. Not something easy for me to hide.

Ok, well no point in getting upset about it now, 12 days until Vegas! After the trip (which I'm sure will go WAY too fast) then I can go back to being upset about the way things are *shrugs* it is what it is I keep telling myself.

Busy day at work today so guess I should get going on work stuff.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Children's Miracle Network

Have you ever known a family who has a sick child? What about a family that has to travel to get care for that sick child? An hour of travel time could mean the difference between life and death. That's one of the many reasons I support the Children's Miracle Network.

Yesterday and today there has been a CMN radioathon on Lite, and it really is one of my favorite times of the year. The stories they put to music are heartbreaking. Can you imagine a doctor or nurse telling you they don't know if you're child is going to live? They live because of the community's support of Children's Miracle Network. I encourage everyone to support their local children's miracle network. Even if you don't have children or grandchildren in the area, someone else somewhere else is supporting the Children's Miracle Network where your child or grandchild lives and making sure they get care if they ever need it, so you can do the same for children locally. It could mean the difference between life and death for a child. Or imagine a child born 8 weeks early weighing just 2 pounds, your donation could help that child grow and have a chance to see the world.

Just a little bit can go a long way! So I encourage you to support the local Children's Miracle Network!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

25 days until the trip of a lifetime!!

Ok so maybe it's not that great, but I need a vacation so I'll take anything I can get right now. 25 days seems like forever, but in reality it'll be here before I know it. I can't believe March will be over next week. Where did February and March go? It's flown by. So yes Las Vegas is only 25 days away. I'm looking forward to the visit, the sightseeing, spending time with my boyfriend (that probably tops it all) and even the flight. I'm getting excited just thinking about it. I'm not a flyer. I don't like heights or flying, but it's exciting!! Just to get away from here, if nothing else.

I'm kind of funny when it comes to vacations. I'm a planner (just ask my boyfriend) I'm crazy when it comes to planning things. I've already started a list of things I need to pack and started a list of things we need to do while out there and started to break it down by days. I'm just so excited about everything! I can't wait.

So I'm sure I will occassionaly update you as the time comes closer.

I lost another 2 pounds last week, so up to 32.6 pounds. Some people can't believe I've lost that much...others mention it and say I inspire them, while that's good, but to do it you really have to want to do it. I'm hoping by my Vegas trip I'm close to 40 pounds...see I take it week by week, or set short-term goals that are reachable, you can't think of everything you have to lose because then you'll just get frustrated. If I thought at the beginning that I needed to lose 80 pounds (which is what I wanted to lose) then it would just seem so far off, and not reachable. I've also run into people who tell me to keep the clothes I grow out of. My question is why? So many people say they want to have fat clothes and skinny clothes. I don't want to give myself any reason to go back up to that weight. I feel better about myself. It's getting easier for me, and I love the compliments I get from people. I said no to chocolate cake last week, and the cupcakes here at work don't look good to me this week, so it's getting easier. I even tried on a dress, YES A DRESS! I don't do dresses, but it didn't look awful on me. I might actually buy a dress at somepoint! I'm loving it! So I'm doing well. Between my mom and me we've lost a total of 66 pounds! Can you believe it? We're doing great! :)

But the bottom line is, I need my vacation! LOL

Friday, March 13, 2009

Cookies, Cake, Candy

It's everywhere! You can't escape it! It chases you down and makes you eat it!

Ok maybe it's not that bad, but as a person who loves sweets, it is awfully hard to say no to all the temptations around. That's why I wonder if when I get down to my goal weight (only 48 pounds to go!) I will be able to stay there. They say it takes about a year to completely change your eating habits. My problem is...if it's there, I eat it. Had halfmoons this week, a canoli, two slices of cake...I'm a sucker. I have to get back on track for next week. I'm really trying, but it is SOOOOO hard lately. People also talk about emotional eating, and I Can see that. If you're stressed, you eat, if you're sad, you eat, if you're tired, you eat...I think that's how I got where I did because I am an emotional eater. It's time to shake that habit. Sweets make me feel better for some reason. Maybe if I could eliminate some of these bad emotions I'm having it would help too. That's hard to do though. Stress is an inevitable for me, sadness is too right now unfortunately, tiredness I've gotten used to going to bed if I'm tired...not going to grab an ice cream or something.

I've been proud of my 30 pound loss so far, so I can't slip up now. After all that hard work I'm moving forward. I will reach my goal (hopefully) by the end of this year! It'll be hard, but I can't live like I used to. I wasn't happy with myself. I'm feeling better and loving it. Now if only some other things in my life would change for the better, it would be a wonderful feeling!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Stress rears its ugly head

I guess the title pretty much says it all. I have been beyond stressed lately. So much to do at work, never getting to hang out with my friends, hardly ever seeing my boyfriend all adds up to one stressed woman.

I went to the doctors last week. It was just a physical, but I had them look at my wrist since I sprained that about 3 weeks ago. I also mentioned to them that I have been getting chest pains. Chest pains are usually not good...so I have a stress test set for next week. I really don't think it's heart related, which is what a stress test looks for. I'm young and relatively healthy, so I think it's all in conjunction with the stress I've been under lately. I also exercise on a daily basis now and think that may have started it too. I used to get panic attacks when I was really stressed or really upset, but that seemed to stop after I left the job I had at that time. I hope those aren't starting up again. These don't feel like panic attacks, just chest pains. So we'll just have to wait and see what happens with the stress test I guess.

As I mentioned, work is beyond hectic. Every time I think I'm getting caught up more things come to me and people want them ASAP and it's hard to prioritize. I'm good on deadlines and I do things that need to be done, but when it's all at once I have to do the ones that are most pressing first. We are working on two publications at once now and I think that's causing a lot of the stress too. One of them is almost done, but everything seems to be neverending. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel though as my vacation is (hopefully) going to be set for April soon. I need time away from everything!

So I hope you like the new look of my blog and the new title! I will be checking in again soon!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Do I have a life?

That question runs through my head at least once a week. What do I do on a daily basis? I get up, exercise, go to work, go home, sit and watch TV, and then go to bed. What do I do on the weekends? Get up, exercise, go to work, go home and usually watch TV or play on my computer, and then go to bed. Notice a difference? I don't.

I started working when I was 15 years old. Not a glamourous job of course, but part-time hours. I haven't had a break in school or work for the 10 years I have been doing it. I know I'm only 24 and have a whole lot more work in front of me, but I'm young and vibrant and should be out having more fun. There are the occasional days I go out to lunch with a friend. But my friends work too and our schedules are so hard to coordinate. I guess I should be counting my blessings now, with the economy the way it is, that I even still have a job. There would be thousands of people in line to take my job. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. Or jobs I should say. It's just that I look at myself and I never really got to have fun. There was hanging out with friends in high school and college, but it was never much. Well they were partying on a Friday night, I was in bed because I had to get up at 4:30 in the morning to work at 6 or had to pull an overnight shift at the radio station. I feel kinda jipped out of some of the fun that young adults are supposed to have. I was always the responsible one that wouldn't go out and party. I never really wanted to. It doesn't appeal to me to go get drunk for no reason and then feel awful the next day. Who would want that? But at the same time, I feel like I should have at least gone out.

I never had a boyfriend in high school, pretty much because I was so shy. The guy friends I had were just that, guy friends, and most I had known since I was little. The guys I liked I would have never thought about talking to. It was always just me and my circle of friends. Not a lot of friends, but we were happy and we went out occassionally, but in the end I always had to work.

So what's bringing on this thought? I'm thinking about how in 3 years we will have our 10 year reunion from high school. Can you believe it? 10 years! I'm interested to see where everyone is and what everyone is doing. I've kept in touch with many people via Myspace and Facebook. I wonder if they're doing what they want to with their lives? I am...I really am. I worked my ass off in college to graduate and loved college! Made some amazing friends in college. The entire time though I of course had to work, and I worked my ass off there too. Going from the radio station to the newspaper and radio station, to the radio station, and now to the Girl Scouts and the radio station. I admit I'm extremely lucky to be in a field I graduated in. Nowadays that is rare if not impossible.

Am I happy? Yeah...could I be more happy? I think so. The work part of my life is amazing right now. Doing what I love in both of my jobs. I have worked my way up to this position. My life is far from complete though. There are areas that just seem to be missing, one of those is my friends. Sometimes you just need to hang out, destress and relax a little. I just wish it were that easy...

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Valentine's Day is on the horizon

So Valentine's Day is only a little over a week away. Are you dreading it because your'e single, or are you hoping you're man will finally say those three words that every girl loves to hear? I came across some articles that I think are great and wanted to share. Maybe they'll help you gain a little perspective or insight into your guy, or help you get over those single blues this time of year. Check it out.

18 Reasons to Love Being Single

Dateless on Valentine's Day? There's no reason to gag yourself with a box of chocolates. In case you need a reminder, here are several reasons why being unattached totally rocks.

1. You'll never waste a Saturday at a car show.

2. When it comes to movies such as Scarface, Star Wars, and Band of Brothers, ignorance really is bliss.

3. You have total freedom to adopt an adorable stray kitten and name it Fluffkins.

4. Power anthems like Beyonce's "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" are more fun when you really mean the lyrics.

5. It's totally fine to give the cute bartender/waiter/barista a napkin with your phone number and the message "call me!"

6. No one will ask you to don a jersey and root for a sports team that doesn't have a shot in hell of winning a game this season.

7. You don't need to ask permission to gon on a last-minute trip to Vegas with your girlfriends - or anywhere, for that matter.

8. Both sides of the bed belong to you.

9. You can devote hours to primping before a big night out - complete with a blow-out and manicure - without some dude constantly asking when you'll be ready.

10. Although you don't have a BF, you do have a collection of crushes, a.k.a The Bagel Guy, Running Man, Sexy Irish Bartender, and Mr. Good Hair.

11. When you aren't part of a duo, it's much easier to find the time to pursue your own interests, like training for a marathon or writing a screenplay.

12. The City and Gossip Girl are even more enjoyable when you don't have to flip to SportsCenter during the commercial break.

13. There's no need to stress about impressing a guy's mother, sister, boss, or any other VIP in his life.

14. With more time to work out and less temptation to chow down on guy-friendly junk food, you're more likely to squeeze into the skinniest of skinny jeans.

15. TiVo understands you - not someone with an addiction to Family Guy.

16. Without a guy on your arm, it's much easier to get into clubs without paying a cover charge. Not to mention scoring free drinks.

17. No one is keeping track of how much money you spend on shoes.

18. You never know who you'll have sex with next.

The Single Girl's Valentine's Day

Who says V-day is for couples? Defy Cupid by indulging in these sassy solo pursuits, inspired by e-mails from other single girls!

Just because you're single doesn't mean you're alone! Round up some unattached chicks and hit the bars, a restaurant, the local karaoke joint, the bowling lanes, whatever. Revel in your ability to have an amazing time, no men needed. - Katriona, 30

Whether it's George Clooney or Johnny Depp, spend the night with your ultimate celeb crush. Rent a handful of his movies and treat yourself to an eye-candy marathon. - Jillian, 22

Organize a Secret Admirers gifting sesh, a la Secret Santa: You and a group of friends draw names and then deliver items like chocolate, flowers, and teddy bears to each other. That way everyone can have a Valentine... - Mary, 23

Since you aren't spending your dough on some dude, might as well spend it on yourself. Give yourself some credit for how amazing you are and treat yourself to something special like a mani-pedi, a new necklance, or a blow-out at the salon. - Aubrey, 27

Ask a guy friend out for a platonic date and split a meat at a tasty restaurant. Make a game out of your dinner discussion by looking around the restaurant at all the couples (there will be a ton!) and guessing which ones will actually last, based on their body language. - Karen, 24

Be a rebel and convince your co-worker bestie to play hookie with you. Instead of sitting in meetings or watching other chicks get flowers delivered to their cubes, you and your pal can go shopping, take a day trip somewhere fun (like skiing!), or catch a new flick like Confessions of a Shopaholic or Bride Wars, sans the crowded theater. - Julie, 25

Party at your place! Invited friends over for wine, appetizers, gossiping, and good times. To mix it up, make it a theme party, like suggesting everyone wear all pink (or black, if you caught the "Singles Awareness Day" bug) and create an iPod playlist with songs like "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and "Holding Out for a Hero." - Lauren, 21

What Makes Men Fall in Love

There's into you, and then there's head-over-heels gaga. These little things tip a man over that edge.

It's a baffling question: Is there some specific moment or event that makes a guy suddenly decide "Yes, I think I love her"? Well, the answer isn't clear-cut, but there are some general principles. "Men have certain innate needs that must be met before they truly feel connected to you," says Paul Dobransky, MD, author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love. "When a guy realizes, consciously or not, that you're ideal on all these levels, that's when he'll commit."

Boiled down, guys have four primal relationship desires that are sometiems sated by the tiniest of moves by you. Here, experts explain with examples so you can put these insights to use when your guy is at the brink.

The Desire: To Protect

Believe it or not, the so-called stoic sex is hardwired to nurture. Sheltering you from harm makes him feel studly, which makes him feel good. "Not that you should act helpless, but letting him see your vulnerable side will bring him closer because it unlocks his instincts to take care of you," says David Givens, PhD, author of Love Signals. So give him chances to take charge, and thank him after he does. When a guy associates you with feeling like Superman, of course he'll want to couple up. These little things can draw out his hero side.

Give him a job. Ask him to fix or build you something. Performing concrete tasks is a way of bonding that enhances his sense of success.

Ask his opinion. Whether it's about your 401(k) options or the best travel sites, it telegraphs that you value his brain as much as you do his brawn.

Wear soft materials. Delicate textures like rayon, silk, and fur trigger an intense response in men. These fabrics accentuate your softer, feminine nature, which heightens his amorous instincts.

Don his clothes. It shows that you've chosen him over other guys - sexy.

The Desire: Freedom

Even emotionally healthy men want assurance that their identities will stay put after they've become half a happy couple. "By making it clear that you don't expect your guy to change, he'll feel like you truly understand him but don't threaten his sense of self," says Dan Neuharth, PhD, author of Secrets You Keep from Yourself. "That leaves him feeling on sturdy enough ground to commit." The following moves let him know you're no ball and chain.

Blow him off. Men hate the idea of being tied down socially, so turn down occasional plans. He'll not only feel easier - and open up more - around you, but he'll also start to wonder what you're doing and pursue you more.

Share your own fears. Guys often hold back because they think most chicks are baby-hungry ring-hunters. So if you feel nervous about committing, let him know. He'll be reassured that you're navigating new waters too, not trying to trap him.

Reinvent yourself. Little changes in your appearance now and then - say, hair up in a ponytail one day, down the next, etc. - remind him that you've got zillions of facets to your personality too. Read: no rut risks.

Respect his privacy. A physical space that's totally his is a huge symbol of independence to a man. Signal that you respect that by, say, staying out of desk drawers and not peeking at his caller ID when his phone rings.

The Desire: To Shine

Maybe he's cocky, but he's still insecure. Trust us, guys need to know that they're respected and appreciated. "When being around you increases a guy's esteem, both internally and in the eyes of others, he'll naturally want to be attached to you," says Dr. Dobransky. Here, things that show your high value and nudge him toward love.

Make him happier. Laugh when one of you loses balance during sex. Go to stupid movies. Drag him out when he's crabby. If you can keep things light, even during stressful times, you'll become indispensable.

Be a social butterfly. Guys are good at left-brain stuff, like sales and sports, but can get awkward when it comes to social graces. Take the lead and charm the people you meet and he'll be extra grateful to have you. But he may take credit for making those new friends...whatever.

Play mind games. Activities that require mental prowess - like Scrabble, puzzles, and chess - can prod his passion. It sounds nuts, but proof of your problem-solving abilities subconsciously shows him you're a desirable choice for carrying on his genes.

Act like the grand prize. Seeing you through other people's eyes reminds him how special you are. Invite him to an event where you'll excel (whether it's karaoke or a fun run), or have him stand between you and another man you think is getting too close at a bar.

The Desire: Comfort

"Falling in love is a process of developing attachment, which happens when oxytocin floods the brain," says Alan Hirsch, MD, neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. You can unleash those love hormones by making him feel like you two just "fit." When he's so comfortable with you that he stops thinking about your relationship and simply enjoys it, he'll find himself nudged into love territory. Take these tips.

Let him see you primp. Grooming in front of him enhances intimacy because it's something other guys don't get to witness. Just keep it goddesslike (applying lipstick or powder), not gross (bleaching your moustache).

Cook together. Bring around food spikes oxytocin levels in males. The more often you prep dinner a deux, the more he'll associate you with the good feelings he gets from eating it.

Stock your pad. When buying groceries you don't have a preference on, get a brand he uses. He'll subconsciously feel at home at your place. Sleep with him. Catnap near him or let yourself doze off in his arms so he sees you in your most trusting, completely relaxed state.

What Yanks Him Back from the Brink

Some factors can derail a guy who's about to fall.

1) They Get a New Opportunity. A promotion often means spending more hours at work or taking a schedule-chewing class. Instead of balancing that with their love lives, guys tend to prioritize their careers and believe that a solid relationship will endure the delay. So if something big is brewing, he may hold himself back.

You Never Fight. Sure, guys hate arguing, but it's worse if you don't react negatively at all when he's screwed up. A guy will worry that (a) you're doing to lash out later, (b) you're a doormat, or (c) you're not into him enough to care. Any of these will make him rethink your budding relationship.

Pure Panic. Many men worry that if they commit, they'll have to give something up - friends, dart night, something. So when a guy realizes he's fallen for you, he may freak out and pull away for a while. If you can weather his big-baby behavior without reacting in a way that confirms those fears, he should snap out of it.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Tired

Have you ever been tired? Not normal tired, but tired tired. The kind of tired that makes you forget what you were doing from one minute to the next? The kind of tired that makes you a little more irritable and snap at people if they rub you the wrong way? The kind of tired that although you're sitting with your eyes open, you're really not hearing a thing around you? The kind of tired where everything you say will be taken the wrong way because of the tone of your voice, or the implications behind it? The kind of tired where you just want to be left alone?

That's me today. I'm tired. When I get this way I wonder if anything will get done. I sit in my little area hoping beyond hope that noone comes over to bother me today. I've already been taken the wrong way. I stare at the computer screen just hoping something will jump out at me and wake me up. I'm careful what I say or how I say it because I KNOW that it will be taken wrong. I just know. I even sit here wondering what to say. It's one of those days. *sigh* Just one of those days.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Dating Guide: 40 Things You Can Learn About a Guy in 10 Minutes

I found this article online today and sometimes an article just kinda jumps out at me. So if you're new in a relationship or just want to find out some things, take a look at the below article...hopefully it'll halp ya.

Dating Guide: 40 Things You Can Learn About a Guy in 10 Minutes

By: Stephanie Booth for Cosmopolitan

If you're curious about the new dude in your life but know better than to grill him with 20 questions, you're gonna love our sneaky read-him tips.

You don't have to date a guy for six months to get the lowdown on who he really is. With the right clues, you can size him up in 10 minutes. "A man's actions - especially the ones you see in unguarded moments when he's not going out of his way to try to impress you (or doesn't realize you're watching) - can speak volumes about his character and personality traits," says Rita Benasutti, PhD, a psychotherapist who specializes in couples' issues. To help you decode a guy you've just started seeing, Cosmo called on a team of experts to tell you how to assess his actions and tap into his boyfriend potential, pronto.

His Favorite Sport

"Solo sportsment, like runners and swimmers, 1 savor their independence and relish spending a lot of time alone," says relationship-skills coach Steve Nakamoto, author of "Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching a Man." Men who are fans of mainstream team sports, like football, basketball, and baseball, 2 tend to be competitive - on the field and in all aspects of their life - and they like to hang with their entourage. As for the guy who's just not into sports at all, 3 "he's an independent thinker, usually on the sensitive side."

How Long He's Been Hanging With His Friends

A guy who has been friends with the same posse since he was 10 years old can certainly claim 4 loyalty as one of his strong suits. But "you better like what you see, because he's probably not great with change," says dating coach Liz H. Kelly, author of "Smart Man Hunting." "And be patient, because it will take awhile for you to win his trust." If your date has buddies from all areas of his life - i.e., college, the gym, work - don't be afraid to drag him to your cousin's wedding. 5 "He has no problem schmoozing strangers and adapts to new situations easily."

Credit vs. Cash

A guy who likes to flash his plastic 6 craves status. "He may be ambitious and confident. He'll reach his financial goals," says Rob Ronin, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and registered financial consultant. "If he always pays in cash, 7 he's self-sufficient and independent," which might make him a difficult due to corner. And if his wallet is dry? 8 Here's a guy who's dependent on others to take care of him.

His Bad Habits

Gambling men 9 are risk-takers, which can make them a lot of fun. "But their over-the-top optimism that they'll come out ahead makes it difficult for them to face reality," says Mitchell Parks, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Vanderbilt University, in Nashville. "Hard-core smokers 10 tend to be anxious," says Dr. Parks, so it can be hard to pin them down for couple-time. And if he's a boozer, 11 he could be hiding his insecurity behind his buzz.

His Communication Style

When your date opts to e-mail you - rather than call - 12 he could be a hard nut to crack. "The fact that he chooses a communication method that allows him to edit what he says signals that he might not want to show his true self," says Jeff Bryson, PhD, professor of psychology at San Diego State University. An IM addict 13 craves your nonstop attention and needs that instant assurance that you're there for him. And the phone fan? 14 He might be a little old-fashioned and likes to do things by the book. But, according to Bryson, "he's not afraid of intimacy."

The Clothes You Wear That He Prefers

If your fave T-shirt and jeans or a cute little sundress do more for him than your slinky black number, 15 you're dating an earthy, laid-back guy who likes equally laid-back, low-maintenance chicks. A man who's wowed by a woman who likes to get dolled up in high-end designer duds 16 places a high priority on prestige. "He'll probably make a lot of money, but it also might play too important a role in his life," says Los Angeles clinical psychologist Nancy Irwin, PsyD. And a guy who wants a Carmen Electra-sensual girl on his arm 17 is looking for an ego boost. "He places a lot of value on being admired and envied."

How He Deals With Traffic

If he constantly weaves in and out of cars, tailgates slowpokes, and glares at other drivers, 18 "it's pretty clear that he has a problem with aggression," says Leon James, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii and author of "Road Rage and Aggressive Driving." While a forceful personality might take him far in the workplace, it could be difficult to deal with this argumentative guy in a relationship. If he's able to exude Zen-like calm when stuck in gridlock, 19 "he's likely to have more self-control."

What He Orders in a Restaurant

A meat-and-potatoes type guy 20 is usually steady and dependable, says image coach Dianne Daniels, author of "Polish and Presence: 31 Days to a New Image." "But he's also a little unadventurous." If your date goes for exotic dishes, 21 "you're with someone who makes spontaneity a priority and could easily get bored with the status quo."

Neat Freak for Messy Man

A guy who puts his dirty socks in the hamber is one thing; a guy who color-codes them in his drawer is something else. 22 "This man is way too fastidious to have fun," explains Daniels, "and he'll expect you to be just as neat." A mildly messy man 23 is looser and more open-minded. But if the inside of his shower has never seen a scrub brush, 24 he may be immature or just plain lazy.

Favorite TV Shows

Take note if he parks himself in front of one sitcom after another. 25 "Here's a guy who uses humor to defuse stress," says TV producer Hedda Muskat, author of "Dating Confidential: A Single's Guid to a Fun, Flirtatious and Possibly Meaningful Social Life." This can be a good thing, because he won't hold a grudge against you or lose his cool. But it also might be hard to get into a serious conversation with him, which can be frustrating. "The more you try to discuss something important, the more evasive he will become," says Muskat. A couch sleuth who's fascinated by CSI-type shows, on the other hand, 26 is analytical and thoughtful. "He prides himself on his problem-solving abilities and will be there for you when you need support," says Muskat.

His Birth Order

"The oldest child 27 is usually a responsible, take-charge kind of guy," says Nancy Fagan, author of "Desirable Men." If your babe is the baby of his brood, 28 "he's likely to be creative and a little rebellious." As for a middle man: 29 "He's a sensitive soul who needs loads of attention."

How He Approaches PDAs

When you're out in public and he's all over you like a rash, 30 "he's either trying to show you off or marking his territory, both of which are signs of insecurity," says Nakamoto. A guy who's allergic to body contact in public is 31 unsure about his feelings for you or your feelings for him. "PDAs are statements of togetherness," says Nakamoto. "If he has doubts, he'll keep his distance physically."

Whether He Always Drives or Wants You To

"A guy who doesn't automatically assume driving rights 32 is likely to let you steer the relationship at least some of the time," says Kelly. A man who hogs the wheel - even in your car - 33 is sweetly old-fashioned at best and, at worst, could be a control freak.

The Guy's Grooming MO

A guy who checks out his reflection in every store window you pass is obviously vain. But, interestingly, 34 it's also a sign of a dude who's intent on succeeding. "Presentation is everything to this kind of man," says Sheenah Hankin, PhD, author of "Complete Confidence." "He sees it as a measure of his self respect and success." 35 The low-key, less conceited guy might be less ambitious, "but he's easier to connect with emotionally because he's not as superficial," says Hankin. "What counts on the inside matters more to him."

If He Looks You in the Eye

"A man who doesn't make eye contact during conversation 36 may not be trustworthy," says speech coach Diane DiResta, author of "Knockout Presentations." "Meanwhile, if his eyes bore into yours as he's talking, 37 he might be trying to intimidate you." But a smoldering gaze - you know what that looks like - 38 means he's immensely fond of you.

His Speaking Style

If your man moves his mouth a mile a minute 39 you're with a spontaneous, high-energy guy who may be a little too self-absorbed. "Fast talkers get so wrapped up in making a good impression that they don't pay attention to their audience," says DiResta. Slow talkers 40 typically play it safe. "The way they deliberate every word before it comes out of their mouth is indicative of how they approach life: They look before they leap." So although you shouldn't expect a lot of surprises, at least you'll know he means what he says.

Things You'll Only Learn With Time

Your speedy profiling skills won't reveal these tidbits from psychotherapist Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of "Calling in 'The One'".

How loyal he'll be: Wait and see if you're shown the same allegiance as his buds are.

If he's a man of his word: Will he really keep those promises he made to you early on?

His little quirks: Time reveals the small details that really make a person tick.

If his parent's split haunts him: His broken home may have issued him some big-time emotional baggage.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Easier said than done

I've struggled with weight my entire life. Well my sisters had no problem eating fast food everyday and downing soda, every time I did, it showed. That's not to say I didn't eat fast food and all the chocolate I wanted, and not to mention the soda I drank. I take after my mom. I blame a lot of it on my jobs I had. I was stressed and I was upset and not happy with life, and therefore I ate. It always makes you feel better to eat, right? So I made a vow to myself. If I got this job (the one at the Girl Scouts) I would join Weight Watchers and start getting my act together. I got the job and less than a month later, my mom and I joined Weight Watchers. I'm still doing well, but I've been slipping lately with my eating, so I started tracking everything I'm eating again.

It's been 3 months and I've lost 21 pounds well my mom's lost 25 pounds, and we're still going. Last week was a bad week for me...you see my problem is I like food too much, especially sweets. My mom can't have chocolate and isn't a huge sweet eater, she just overate on things, so it's not as hard for her. If there's something in the house, I want it. I'm working on that. I compare it with quitting smoking. Not that I ever smoked, but you have to change your habits...completely. And you can't go back or it'll shoot back up again.

I've made a commitment to myself from this point forward. I'm tracking what I'm eating, I'm cutting back what I'm eating and going cold turkey (no more sweets for me!), and I'm going to start exercising twice a day, with an occassional break here or there so I don't kill myself by exercising everyday. I'm bound and determined that it's going to work. I'm happy with my job, happy with my family, happy with my friends, now it's time to take care of me so I become happy with myself. It will work and I will continue my quest towards my goal weight (only 59 pounds to go!)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Is there something in the air?

I don't know if it's happening to you, but it seems that everyone I know is breaking up. Couples that seemed perfectly happy together are no more. And it's people that have been together for many years. I started wondering if it's the economic troubles that are playing a role. Maybe people realize they would never be able to support a couple and it's over *snaps fingers* just like that.

It got me thinking the other day how lucky I am. Lucky to have found someone who seems to really love me. He does everything in his power to make me happy. I can be very hard on him sometimes, although sometimes I think it's allowed because he doesn't always take my feelings into account. It's not easy being so far away all the time, but we've made it work for almost 3 years now. It's also not easy dating someone who has children. I've never ventured into that world before. He wants me to be the "mother-figure" in his daughters life. I want to be her friend. Someone she can trust as she gets older and feel that she can talk to about anything. I know it also comes with "mother-like responsibilities" but I don't want to take on that role. Well it's not really that I don't want to...it's more like I don't think it's fair to her mom.

I often think about my future. With realignment coming up June 1 and having to apply for a job again, interview and *cross my fingers* get a job within the new council, I can't help but think about my future. I wish I had money to move out of my parents house. There's so many things I still want to do with my life and so many more career paths I want to follow. God has a plan for everyone and wherever I end up is where I'm supposed to be.

You never know what is going to happen with your life but with so many people I know suddenly breaking up, it's a time to reflect at where I am at the moment. I have a job, I have a family that loves me and helps me with whatever I need, I have an amazing boyfriend who is loving and supportive, I have a place to live. It may not be an extremely glamourous life since my life basically revolves around work, but it's my life, and it's a life I love.

So where will I be next year? I don't know...but half the fun is finding out.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Valentine's Day is coming up...

So the stores have started to pack Valentine's Day items in place of the Christmas ones which are now marked at 70% off. As soon as the Christmas ones go, hearts, candy, and red and pink is all you see down the aisles of the stores. I follow the crowd in buying a little bit of candy and of course Valentine's Day cards for my family and friends. The hype over the holiday however, makes my stomach churn, and not in a good way.

Flowers, candy, cards...it's all merchandise. Love...now that is all that should matter. Valentine's Day is definitely a retailers holiday, made up by candy and flower companies and Hallmark.

I've never been a fan of Valentine's Day. A lot of it has to do with the fact that for most of my life I never had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day, so it made me kind of sad in some way because it was like you were supposed to have someone to call your Valentine. Even though my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years now, I still haven't spent a Valentine's Day with him, because it was during the week and neither of us could do that. This year it's on a Saturday and we're falling into the cliche world of Valentine's Day because I want to spend it with him.

Why spend one day a year showing someone how much you love them? Why does there have to be a special day for it? After being in a long-term relationship I think I appreciate Valentine's Day a little more. The romance in a relationship dies down as time goes on. There just doesn't seem to be enough time from either of us to make time for romance. I think we made an effort in the beginning but as you become more comfortable with each other it doesn't seem as big of a deal to make time for that.

So although I think Valentine's Day is a commercial holiday meant to raise money following the after-Christmas buying season, I am planning on participating this year because I think we need to spend some romantic time together.

I have an article here that came from the U.S. Census Bureau, infoplease.com, New York Daily News, Hallmark research, Retail Industry Leaders Association that I think is kinda neat, so I'm gonna share it with you:

A number of reasons to love Valentine's Day

From candy and flowers to jewelry and greetings cards, love is in the air on Valentine's Day. Check out these numbers to find out some sweet details about Feb. 14.

14: Date in February about 270 A.D. when St. Valentine, a Roman clergyman was executed for secretly marrying couples. Some say that's why our Valentine's Day is celebrated on Feb. 14.

1,198: Number of locations that sell chocolate and cocoa products in the United States.

53: Percent of men who have Googled, MySpaced, Facebooked or done other online research about a potential date or significant other. Percentage of women who have done online research? 54.

180 million: Number of cards exchanged annually on Valentine's Day (exclusing packaged kids' cards).

21,135: Number of florists in the United States.

44: Percent of couples who celebrate Valentine's Day by going out on a date.

54: Percent of women who have lied to get out of a bad date.

81: Percent of men who have mementos from their exes.

26: Pounds of candy consumed by Americans, per capita.