RANT: Aren't Children Innocent?

I get so irritated when I read news stories where innocent children are involved. So did you see the one where two children were thrown off a hotel balcony by their father before he too jumped to his death? What the hell? If you want to commit suicide, why do you have to bring your children with you? The children were 4 and 8. They didn't know what was going on. Their lives were taken away from them for some stupid reason. I feel the same way when I read about sexual predators and abusers who prey on children via the Internet or anyway really. Child porn site numbers are up online and it's very disheartening to know that statistic. Our children our innocent human beings!! Some sicko is out there looking for "fresh meat" to rape and abuse. They are children. They should be running around outside. They should be living carefree lives. No one, especially a child, should have to live their life looking over their shoulder because they think something is going to happen to them. Remember those days when you could send your children to the park by themselves and know they would come home? Remember when you could trust next door neighbors to watch your children for a few hours while you went grocery shopping? Now you can't take your eyes of your child because there could be someone right around the corner ready to grab them. I just watched a 60 minutes show this past week about a guy who raped and abused over 40 children before he was finally caught because of one brave girl who refused to be his victim. The scumbag got over 400 years in jail for it. I would have said execute his ass. They are innocent children! What I hear nowadays with the way teenagers have started to dress is that "their asking for it." Now come on...is that at all realistic? I don't think any teenager out there is asking to be raped or abused by anyone! With the development of the Internet and sites such as MySpace, more and more sexual predators are out there trying to lure that 12 year old to meet them somewhere. The sad thing is, many of the children will meet these people because they think they are friends. Parents...SPEAK UP!! You need to sit down and talk to your kids about it. You might think they aren't going to listen...but they will hear your voice in the back of their head when they think about meeting someone they met online. Then I watch CSI episodes (yes I'm a CSI addict) and I can't stand to watch some of the episodes about children. I know it is only a TV show, but I also know that many of the ideas they have for shows come from real live situations that have happened throughout the country. Kids are beaten and abused and killed...I just don't know how someone could hurt a child. I don't think I ever will understand that. Granted I don't have any children of my own...and I'm not sure I don't want children of my own...I can't help but smile when I watch them. They are also so happy. They don't have a care in the world. Who would want to take that away from them? I can't help but think about the time when I local girl went missing. Sara Ann Wood...she was found dead in the woods and it sent shock waves throughout the entire area. To think something like that could happen here. That was before a lot of the publicity on the Internet and stuff like that came out. I remember my parents not letting me leave the house at all unless they were with me. I couldn't go to friends houses, I couldn't go to the mall by myself, everyone was terrified. I think it was a wake up call that...children aren't safe. There are people out there who will do everything in their power to make sure children aren't safe. It's sick people! But let me open your eyes to something...IT'S A SICK WORLD!! That's all I'm gonna say...

Just Some Poems

Today has been a hard day for me. I don't completely know why. All I know is it's been raining all day and now we have started some thunderstorms. I don't like thunderstorms...they scare the crap out of me, so it makes me think about Rich being here to comfort me. Which just makes me miss him even more. Sometimes it's better to be working because I am able to take my mind off of him...today he's been the only thing on my mind. When that happens I have to do something...so today I wrote some poems...check them out...let me know what you think! Three Simple Words Three words, together Are all I can find To tell you the way I feel, And so I say them, As I have before But still ... I want to tell you more. So I give you a kiss And hold you tight To go with my words, so few, And try to express the way I feel In a different way for you. Three words, that's all, No more can I find To tell you the way I feel. And, so, I say them Again, once more, Forgetting I've told you before. Then you give me a kiss, And look into my eyes. That's when you tell me, too, These words, Three words We both know will do: "I love you!" Love Love is something special, Love is something dear. Love is a little sadness, When the one you love isn't near. Love is understanding, Love is pure and true. Love is tears of sorrow When the one you love leaves you. Love does not have color, Love does not have race. Love does not have beauty Or a pretty made-up face. Love is something simple, Love is something blind. Love is something important That's truly one of a kind. You're On My Mind I sit here on this rainy day, Nothing to do, nothing to say. You're on my mind All the time. Soft and delicate is your kiss. Being with you is what I miss, Your hands, gentle and sweet. I'm thankful for the day we got to meet. You're on my mind All the time. We fit together, so soft and snug. I miss your loving arms, your strong hug. You're the only one that I love. You're my angel from above. I love you with all my heart and soul. I'll be yours forever, yours to hold. You're on my mind All the time.

The First Week

So my first week of working 3 jobs is kind of officially over. I know you say it's Friday...but usually (if all goes as planned) I get Friday's off...which is good. I don't always get them off though...but when I do, I take advantage of it. Slept until 11 today...lol...yeah that's taking advantage of it!! Although this weekend on Saturday I have to put 3 hours in for WIBX and 7 hours for Lite. Then Sunday, 4 hours for Lite and 3 hours at the nursing home. Then Monday, Memorial Day, I have to put in 5 hours for Lite and a few for WIBX. Then Tuesday through Thursday doing more reporting for WIBX. I know when the money starts coming in I might be able to see that it's worthwhile...but now I'm just tired and wondering if I'll be able to keep doing this. So I've been asked by a few people...when do you have time to see your boyfriend? Uh...I don't? We spent last weekend together because I knew it would be awhile before we got to do that again. He's working a lot too, so it just boils down to making the most of the time we do get to see each other. Plus it's kind of hard with gas prices the way they are and us not living that close to each other. So it's raining out now...kind of fits my mood today. I'm drinking my coffee and letting my mind wander to places that it probably shouldn't. My parents are out of town for the holiday weekend so therefore I have to deal with my little sister all by myself. She's 18, but she acts like she's still 12. Drives me completely nuts. Like my family's been doing lately. My mom worries about my jobs, my boyfriend, my life...and I just want to tell her to leave me alone. I know she's a mom and it's her job...but it's irritating. I know she cares about me and is only looking out for me, but I'm 21 and it is my life. She's not able to change it. My dad is a little more acceptable about everything that my mom worries about. You think it would be the other way around because I'm "daddy's little girl." He seems to trust me and think I'll make the right decisions. My mom and I have drifted apart lately. I don't tell her as much as I used to. In some way I think I'm trying to grow up and live my life and she's still trying to hold me back. Maybe I just need to get out and get my own apartment and then maybe we'll grow closer because we aren't living together 24/7. I know I grew closer to my older sister when she moved away to college. Now it's more like we're friends who can talk about anything, then sisters. I love that feeling. It's someone I can always count on to be there for me when I need to talk. Anyway these are just a few things that have been on my mind lately. I don't know when another post will be coming because I am going to be so damn busy this coming week. But maybe a time will open up when I'll be able to let you know how the fun filled holiday weekend went! Catch ya on the flip side! :)

Love Will Come Back

There's a new song out by Chicago. It's been running through my head for a few days and I know why. It's called "Love Will Come Back." It's a great tune...and it really just kind of fits me right now. You'll see what I mean in a little bit. I don’t love you anymore We’ve all heard those words before Somebody takes your heart and then Leaves you the pieces I've been out of the whole "dating cycle" for a couple of years. It's not that I didn't want someone...trust me, there were times I just needed that shoulder to cry on or just wanted to be laying in someone's arms with nothing else to care about. It's the fact that I had so much shit going on. I was working non-stop and school was still a priority for me. Then of course there was the last relationship. He tried to change who I was. I was young and stupid and of course gullable. Until I found out the truth, and that was it. I wasn't going to let someone take my heart again...not unless I was sure. I wasn't going to go through it again. Thus...the trouble with trust. Sure, I went on dates with people in those two years...but I don't think I went out a second time with any of them. Then someone came along who could change all that. Lying shattered on the floor They say that when you close a door Another one is waiting there For you to open... if you believe! It's when I wasn't looking or caring if I had someone there...that I found it. Was it part of some plan? Probably...it was obviously time for me to start to move on. I'm not saying I dwelled on the break up for two years, but I wasn't ready to deal with anything. I wanted time alone...wanted to think...wanted to cry. Earlier this year I looked back on it and I got so angry...not upset. I think that was my cue that I was ready to put it all behind me. Yes...you might think I'm stupid for thinking about it for two years...but love is always hard to get over. For me anyway...I moved on, and that anger has suddenly turned to acceptance. There was a reason I went through that. I learned a hell of a lot about love and relationships. Love will come back Hit you when you least expect it Fill in the cracks Of a broken heart you thought That you could never mend You, you can start again! Suddenly...I find myself in love and happy. You ask me when these feelings started again and I can't answer that. All I know is...I'm happy. It's been awhile since I've been this happy. I talk to friends who are out "looking" for someone, and I give this piece of advice, "don't." It'll find you. When it's meant to be...it's meant to be. I know that can sound corny and cliche...but to me it's completely true. Love hit me when I least expected it to. Oh, when you think you’ve lost the only way All you really need Is a little faith Faith...I knew that everything was going to happen for a reason. I meet the wrong people to get to the right. And along this road we call life...we learn a lot of things. Love is one of them. You have to learn to love...and I'm far better off now... Just let love return to you You can start again!

So What's Next?

So I'm a college graduate. To some it seems like no big deal...but to me, I never thought I'd be able to say that. School was never an easy thing for me. I wasn't like my older sister who was 4th in her high school class. I struggled through Math and Science...failed tests left and right...I hated it. Of course college is always different. You take more classes that you actually want to. Still...I went through a time in high school when I had no idea what I wanted to do and though that I didn't want to go to college. This feeling I have now though...I look back and wonder what I was thinking then. I never thought I could love something so much. Working in radio has become my passion. I don't picture myself doing anything else. I didn't think I could love something so much. So I've had questions from many people. What's next? Well I have 3 part time jobs...yeah I said 3. It's going to be a very busy next couple of months around here. I'll be stressed...I'll be irritable...I can see that coming up. I'll also be missing Rich because I won't be seeing him as much. I'm excited about working more and making some money...but at the same time I don't know if I'm ready to be working every day. You might hear about that more in later posts. I still need something full time though. So that becomes my next question... What's next?

One Day

4 years ago I entered college really not knowing what to expect. My world was pretty sheltered I think. I had my close group of friends from high school. I didn't know how I could start all over at a new place and make friends all over again. It was quite easy in a place like Herkimer County Community College. The Radio/TV program was full of people. The professors were welcoming, the classmates always talked to each other and helped each other out with video and audio projects. I made a group of friends that far surpassed the high school group (many of whom I no longer spoke to anyway.) We often hung out in the professors offices between classes, it was a real laid back environment. We learned but at the same time we had fun with the hands on portion of it. I knew nothing would come close to that experience. I was right. Utica College was an experience in itself. Just not in the same way that HCCC was. I have a great group of friends from UC as well. It's not as large as it was at HCCC, but the journalism group (much like the Radio/TV group) became friends too. We all know each other and had fun in the same classes. So 4 years ago did I expect to be sitting here today actually happy with where I am? Not really. I thought I would be terrified at the thought of graduating and having to face the real world. But...I've been in the real world doing what I want to do for 2 1/2 years. Yeah...I'm still a beginner and I'm still learning things every day...but I'm doing it. I don't have the full time opening I want yet...but I have 2 part time gigs that right now are starting to look great to me. I'm actually excited about starting as a reporter on WIBX. It sounds like it's going to be exciting, and continuing on Lite is also great. I've learned so much there and have improved dramatically. Lite gave me my first "big break" in a sense. I just love it. I think it's great I get to use my skills from both HCCC and UC. I'm doing the broadcasting end and I'm doing the journalism end. I'm happy with where I am right now...and I think that's all that matters! And it's all down to this...one day until "I are a college gradjumawit" :) Can you believe it? I can't...

The new Bob Vila?

So I've been termed the new Bob Vila. Yeah it's been renovation time around the Dunne house for like the past couple of years...and it all comes down to the next couple of days. It's kind of an open house thing at our house on Sunday. The excuse for it is it's my graduation...and I'm not complaining because I could sure use the money. So it's my graduation party and it's an open house at the same time. Anyway, long story short, I took some pictures of me painting the bathroom yesterday and sent them to Rich and he coined me the new Bob Vila. So now I'm asking you if you think I am...lol. Some pics are below...trust me they aren't that great.

Just General Thoughts...

So it's really the end. Took my last final on Monday, now I sit and wait for grades. Rumor has it...they'll be available as of the 12th. I hope that's true. I have family coming in this weekend and I can't wait! I'm so excited to see my aunt and uncle. I don't get to see them that much, so I seriously can not wait! lol...I know I'm excited...I can't help it. Then I can't wait for my party on Sunday after graduation. Don't know how many people will be there because it is mother's day. I already know a few that won't be able to be there...a few of them I really wish would be there...kind of makes me sad that they won't be...*shrugs shoulders* but hey...I guess you do what you gotta do. So my allergies this year...yeah that's a whole other story. I'm just sick of them...they are like 100 times worse then years past. I only bring this up now because they are bothering me now...and hey these are my thoughts for the day. Another thought that is on my mind everyday is my boyfriend, Rich. I spent a day with him and his daughter earlier this week, and it just went by way too fast. His daughter's full of energy and wears me down. lol...you try chasing a 4 year old...lol...it's harder then you would think. But she's still adorable...can't fight that part of it. Rich - oh he's not too bad either ;) I never get to spend enough time with him. I hate the feeling of knowing I have to leave. I guess that's why I'm a little down about him not being able to come to my graduation party...I know he has to work and that's that...but I also know it's going to be another day that I'm going to be missing him and not seeing him. I just can't help it...my thoughts always seem to go back to him. Now that I don't have school to concentrate on and I don't start working for a couple weeks...I'm at that point where I think of him all the time, and miss him even more. It's just a viscious cycle of never ending thoughts...you ever been there?

What is wrong with me?

Such an easy question to ask, but such a hard question to answer. I'm sure that all of you can relate to being stressed at one point. I hit my limit last week...and this week has been very mellow for the most part. Today I had a final presentation for one of my classes and it was very laid back and relaxed. Then I came home and had a Smirnoff...that really relaxed me. Now I'm hanging on by a thread. lol...CSI and Without A Trace are both new tonight...have to watch those of course. Graduation is in 10 days. Do you think it's hit yet? Kind of...the real world is looming right there. I have two part time jobs for when I get out. One is going to be nights during the week...the other is going to be weekends, so I know stress will be coming from that at some point. You know what I think is kind of scaring me? The fact that I have no idea what I'm going to be doing in say 5 years. I know I need to find something full time...and fast. I need benefits...I need to pay bills...I have those needs too. So should I be more excited about graduation? I probably should...but I can't help but focus on what has to happen after graduation. Ok--that's not what's really bothering me when I said What's wrong with me? You know, at the start of every relationship there is a feeling of insecurity I guess. Whether it's a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, or a friendship, or whatever. There's always the "what if" factor. I can't help it, it always runs through my mind. I guess that's why it takes awhile to earn my trust. Being 21 now, I have focused so strongly on school for so long that I missed what it was like to be held or that feeling of looking in someone's eyes and just seeing it there. Now I just can't seem to get enough. You ever have one of those relationships? If you've lived close together then you probably never have...but I think this is one that I dove headfirst into. Good or bad? Hasn't been bad yet...I've loved every minute of it (except when we're not together.) There's just that feeling of knowing that someone else feels the same way about you as you do about them. Am I crazy? Oh probably...and is there anything wrong with me? Well ask anyone around me and they'd have an answer :) But I still look at what I have coming around the corner after graduation...I think I'm pretty damn lucky. I have a couple jobs lined up that will get me started. I've got a guy right now who is there for me. And of course I'm happy...what more could I ask for right now? So what is wrong with me? Got an answer? Would love to hear it...

Finally Figured It All Out...

So as some of you know the past couple of days I've been in a not so good mood. So I was laying in bed last night and it clicked. I'm graduating. Well of course I knew this before, I mean I've only been saying it for the last 2 years. Then I got upset again. I laid down and was trying to figure out why I was so depressed. I thought it was just because I really missed my boyfriend and everything...and I do :) But that wasn't it. I couldn't help what I was feeling though, I couldn't stop the tears that started to come to my eyes. I didn't know why the hell I was so upset. Then I knew. June is always a hard month for me. It's the anniversary of my grandmother's death. This year it is going to be 10 or 11 maybe even 12 years since she passed away. So you think 'yeah, what's this got to do with anything?' I know I'm graduating in May not June. But you know what? I know how proud she would be of me. If I go on, then the tears might start again...so I'm just going to end this with a poem that I wrote today. It helped me kind of cheer up a little. So let's hope by graduation I can finally be myself again. You'd Be So Proud You'd be so proud of the woman I've become. You'd be so proud of everything I've done. You'd be so proud I can see you smiling down. You'd be so proud of everything around. Oh I know you'd be so proud that I'm following my dream. Oh you'd be so proud that I made it through somehow. I know you're watching me on my special day and you are still so proud. I think I know exactly what you'd say "I am so proud of you."