The Day

Well this post comes only after having one of the best days I think I could have hoped for. The only problem is...it's over...and it ended too quickly. I got to spend the day with Rich and Terry, which I thought was pretty special to begin with. Although, it was also one of the first days I've spent almost an entire day with Terry...and yeah she can be a handful, but at the same time a loveable handful...sometimes. As we were driving around at the end of the day not able to come up with another thing to do, I couldn't help but start to think...and for me thinking leads to more thinking and emotions start to kick up and I realize that it's going to be another week before I get to see him again. I know relationships are a lot of hard work. I knew this at the age of 15...but at the age of 15 I wasn't working 3 jobs. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love what I do. How many people can say that they work at the number 1 rated radio station in the area? People listen to them every day and count on them to keep them entertained. I love it. If you knew me when I was in junior high, you would never have thought I would be able to entertain anyone on the radio, or anywhere. I was this shy little thing who just walked around and did what people told her to. I broke out of that when I went to school for Radio/TV. Now I couldn't imagine another thing to do. People say, "you can't live on that amount of money." Well yeah...but it's not about the money...it's about the passion. Anyone in radio knows where I'm coming from when I say that. So as I mentioned relationships are hard work. Long distance relationships...even harder. I don't know if you can call it a "long distance relationship" I mean I do get to see him every saturday...and he lives an hour or so away...but for me it's absolutely heart breaking (I guess that's the right word) knowing that I can't see him for another week. I get to talk to him every day online...but it's never the same. You can't share the same amount of joy or pain over the Internet as you can face to face. Sometimes I just want to be able to lay in his arms and watch a movie...that can't happen too often. We're both too busy for that. Then as I was thinking (never a good sign) more thoughts started in...I know there is a sense of responsibility that comes with being in a relationship with a guy who has a child. I'm not complaining...Terry has become very special to me. Yeah sure she wears me down everytime, but as long as she's happy and having fun...that's all that matters...she is a kid. But at the same time...it's very hard. I mean you don't get a lot of "alone time" or "down time" when there is a kid involved. That's just frustrating sometimes. You have to be careful what you do and be careful what you say. But at the same time...I don't always mind. I love spending time with Terry too. So as all these thoughts sort of collided...I got a little upset. I think being so tired also kind of makes me emotional. I knew I would be better in the morning...I always am after I get in a good cry. It's the one way I know how to release my feelings and frustrations. Bottom line is I was just happy to be able to spend a day with Rich and Terry...I wish something like that could happen more often...but we both know realistically that won't happen. But damn it I have to work tomorrow which also kind of sucks...that story for another time I'm sure...I need to go to bed and just dream...it's all I have right now...