Ramblings of a journalist/DJ

Well its been a long time since I've written one of these, so I kinda just thought an update was needed. That's the general reason for this. I'm keeping way too busy working, and have kicked off another job search. I thought this was over after I got a full time job at the Telegram, but ask everyone around you and they will agree that I am extremely stressed and in need of time off yet again because I work twice as much as I'm home. It's insane. Probably most of it is because we are short a reporter and Eric (my fellow reporter) and me are stretching ourselves thin trying to cover all night meetings and events along with other important Herkimer County news. In addition to that, I'm working typically 6 days a week at the station since I'm the overnight voicetracker and I keep wondering if it's worth it. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the radio station, I have determined that's where my real passion lies. But I feel underappreciated in some sense. I know you're not in radio for the money, and that's fine, I don't do it for the money, but making minimum wage to me is insane! People working at fast food restaurants make more then me...tell me that's not wrong. That's been bothering me lately, maybe it's just because I'm there so much more now. I work a full day at the paper and have to go in to voicetrack the overnight. For the most part I'm just trying to keep my foot in the door at the station in case something happens to open up. So I'm stressed most of the time, tired all the time, and kinda snippy at most people most of the time. I've learned to keep my mouth shut lately 'cause if I don't I snap at people because I get irritated and upset for sometimes no reason at all. Maybe it's the fact that I have no way to unwind or no one to really turn to for comfort. I don't know what it could be...other then the fact that I am working way too much. I keep hearing 'you're young you can do it.' Well...to all those that will say that...I challenge you to work all day and only spend 3 or 4 hours, if that, at home, not including sleeping time. I just keep wondering why the hell I do it. I'm not happy anymore. I used to love to write. Now, I don't get to write for fun anymore because by the time I get home I've spent all day writing and I don't want to do it when I get home. I miss writing for fun. I unwind when I write...but at work it's full of stress and pressure having to come up with at least two stories a day, and if you don't you get a freaking disappointed look by the editor and you wanna say, 'why the hell don't you try to come up with a story when no one calls you back.' I've been talking to the reporter who left a couple months after I started and she sited the same thing as one reason she left. She told me to give it time and if I still feel like I need to leave, then do so. Well if they don't hire another reporter soon, I'm seriously thinking about it, hence the job search. Anyway, that's the reason I haven't checked in for more than a month...I'm way too busy working, but on the same note I'm trying to keep myself busy in some sense to keep my mind off other things (not going there)...anyway, these are the senseless ramblings of me...hopefully I'll start to check in more often.

tired

The last thing I think of when I go to bed at night is what the next day holds. Good, bad, and otherwise. Usually I know it's going to be full of stress and longing to be somewhere else. This past week I have gotten into doing the editing side of things and have really started to like it. I miss the writing and covering things, so I'm glad to do that again. But a week of doing it isn't all that bad. However, sometimes I just wish things could be different. I could have enough time for me and the ones I love. I'm beginning to ask myself the question 'Why am I doing this to myself?' The answer to that is far from easy. I just want to feel needed and loved sometimes. I know there are people that care about me and want me to succeed, however I still have the feeling of longing and depression waiting for something, anything to help me feel a little bit better about myself. I love being able to laugh and smile and be happy. It doesn't happy often during the week. Maybe it's from the stress of each workday, maybe it's from people not caring enough about me, I don't know. I still feel the heat and the intensity of each passing day. I smile as the sun beats down on my face, I look up at the sky when the sun is covered by clouds and the rain starts to come down, I watch the flowers bloom under the spring weather. I take in everything and enjoy every second of it. You never know when it could be cut short. I'm a person who needs the physical, emotional and mental closeness of people to be able to make it through each day. Typically I go day to day doing just the motions. Just once I would like to have a week where I didn't have only 2 hours to spend at home, besides sleeping time. I'd like to feel like I'm worth something to someone. I'd like to not have so many things crammed into one week and lastly I'd like to figure out if what I'm doing right now is right for me. Not when it comes to work, but on a more personal level. Should I be dealing with all this stress that comes along with what I really want? Why is it so hard to just be happy? I'm just so tired of the games and the stress that comes along with every time I have to say good-bye. Tired of every time I don't get to do something I want and every time I get mad because I can't be where I want to be. Tired of the hours spent longing and crying. Tired of trying to fake myself into thinking I'm happy but then turning around and figuring out just how miserable I really am. Is there really happiness associated with anything? I'm beginning to wonder if true happiness really exists. I don't know if I'll ever actually really find out...

Life...

So I just figured I have a little bit of time to kill before I have to head out for the day...so here I am updating my blog. First...exciting news came out this past week. Carrie Underwood is coming back to the New York State Fair. It's actually very rare that an artist comes two years in a row. I don't think I remember a time when that actually happened. So...I'm planning on going again this year...and this time Rich actually said he'd go with me...I don't even have to drag him along. The concerts in August and tickets go on sale the end of June. I'm more then excited...lol. I don't know why but I'm just a fan of Carrie. *shrugs* it is what it is I suppose :) That was the good news for the week. This week and next week I am playing the part of "Editor" at the Telegram since our editors are each off for a week, starting this week and continuing next week. I'm nervous about it...it seems like a lot of work. I know it's good experience but I love to write and I won't be able to do much writing when I'm playing the Editor role. I'm sure after I do it more I'll get better at it, but right now I'm just a little nervous about the whole thing. I hope I don't screw up too much. Oh well, new things are always nerve racking at first. I'll keep you posted after I complete my first week of it. I'm an emotional person. Anyone that knows me probably already knows that. People who know me also know that I don't talk about my feelings very much. It's part of the "Middle Child Syndrome" I think. I would just get lost in the shuffle and soon realized that it wasn't worth trying to talk to anyone about what I was feeling. I shut down when I get upset. I curl up in my bed and sometimes just let it all out. Maybe it's not the most effective way, but from what I've been through, people just don't listen to me so it's not worth showing them that side of me. Sometimes I try. I'll talk to my older sis once in awhile, but she's always been someone I can talk to about anything from the family to guys to jobs. I don't get to talk to her as much anymore because she does live in Boston and her job and boyfriend keep her busy. I guess my point to all of this is that I am not a very vocal person when it comes to my feelings. And because of that all of my relationships seem to be twice as hard at times. :( It's just so easy to be able to be with the ones I love. Not so easy to share things...I'm working on that, and have gotten better at it...but the ones who need to know how I feel will...that's all that matters right now. And now I have to get ready to go out with Amanda and Anthony...a couple friends, so I'll keep ya posted :)

A Sunday night

So I'm sitting here at 8 p.m. on Sunday with blue streaks in my hair and not much else to do. Curious? I figured. Well it's been a long time since I've done highlights and my roots were really grown in and I wanted to get it done again so my "hairdresser" my mom did the streaks for me. She's not really a hairdresser. Just plays the part when I want to do my highlights. I don't pay hundreds of dollars to get my done. I buy the herbal esscenses highlights, which works really well. I always get compliments from hairdressers who think it's professionally done, so I'll take it. Problem is I sit here for a half hour before I get to take a shower and I get bored. Anyway, it's Mother's Day and my mom had a good day I think...she got some things she wanted and then we had roast turkey in the crock pot, mashed potatoes, gravy and veggies. One thing about such a great meal is the clean-up...hate doing that part, but it's the price you have to pay for having a great meal. You also get some great leftovers, some of which I'll be taking to work tomorrow for lunch. Can't complain about that. I've also attracted another fun cold, for some reason the colds enjoy me. This is my second one in a few months, and even for me that's a lot. So was on the air for 6 hours yesterday with this fun cold, most people told me that I sounded good despite it, so that's good. Then I had to voicetrack for 10 1/2 hours and it took me nearly 4 to actually do it because I kept having coughing fits and had to take a break to regain my voice and soothe my throat again. What fun is that? Umm...yeah...none. I made it though and am feeling much better today. Still some throat and nose issues, but it could be worse. Friday my head felt like it was going to explode. I had lots of things I had wanted to do on Friday but it got put on the back burner. I went to work, got out early because I had to work Friday night, came home by noon and was passed out on the couch for 3 or so hours. Went out to eat with my parents then went back into work. Speaking of work...ugh...I'm so tired of these gas prices and having to travel so much with them this bad. In addition to that I'm so worn out being short a reporter and so much crap falling on my shoulders. Believe it or not I've started yet another job search. Don't know if anything's going to come of it but I would love to find something closer to home so I don't have to travel that much, and night things are just not easy for me anymore. That's one of the main reasons I left WIBX, that and wanting something full time. I'm tired of covering things at night. Plus I don't even break even in my paycheck with the amount I spend on gas, they pay NOTHING to workers who bust their ass keeping the paper going. Ok...gonna stop there 'cause I'm getting myself upset. Hmm...what else to say? I miss Rich...don't I always say that? That should tell me something...but it doesn't. I just wish we both didn't have to work so much so we could actually spend some "quality" time together. Wishful thinking I know...I'm 22...you know how many more years of working I have ahead of me? Maybe I should just win the lottery now and get it over with, or better yet just die...not as fun but would keep me from having to deal of this torture called full-time employment. By the way, it's May 13...that means exactly 4 months before my birthday, so you better start shopping for me...it's gonna take that long for you to find something that I'm going to like :) Anyway, I don't know if it's almost showertime, but I have nothing else to say and now I've depressed myself so I'm going to go cuddle up with my blankie and mope, that's always good for a Sunday.

Is it worth it?

That question just keeps coming to my mind. I'm getting stressed and worked up about the littlest things. I'd tell people not to take it personally...but sometimes I wish some people would care a little more about what I want. It doesn't matter...it never matters. I'm the middle child, I should be used to not getting what I want. I used to always get lost in the shuffle and as I get older I begin to wonder if anything's really changed when it comes to that. Maybe it's all a matter of me needing to do something for myself for once. I always try to please everyone else, maybe I should start to say screw everyone else. I'll go into hiding for awhile and make people seek me out if they want anything from me. I'm so used to trying to please everyone, well I think that has to change. I can't physically, emotionally or mentally take that anymore. I'll go to work, come home and go to work again before bed, nothing else. It's not worth it anymore. That's the end of the story...

No title necessary for this one

Have you ever had one of those days? You know the day I'm talking about...you keep waiting for something good to come out of the day and things just get worse and worse and soon you wonder if things could get any worse. Well I'm here to tell you things can always get worse. The bright spot in my day was getting an unexpected carnation which cheered me up for a little bit. It came from an unexpected source...tomorrow Lite 98.7 is recognizing working women, so I got a carnation. At least for a little bit I felt appreciated by someone. It's nearly 8 p.m. and I just sit here like a bump on a log and like a pathetic person hoping something good will come out of the day. It's like waiting for snow in August in my opinion. Lately I seem to be having more bad days then good. I get irritated with my Editor at work who always expects me to go out and get pictures he needs...damn get someone else to do it sometimes, I have work to do in the office at times too. To top it off I've been suffering a freaking headache for two straight days now. I'm wondering if it's either a sinus or stress headache. I know when I get really stressed I get a headache and it won't go away until some sort of relief comes. That ain't gonna happen anytime soon...I don't only stress about work...there's always family and...well...other things too. I don't want to talk about it anymore, I'll just get irritated again. I think I need time away from EVERYTHING. I need to do something for me, but by the time I get out of work I never feel like doing something for myself or by myself. I usually unwind by sitting on my computer and chatting...but looky here...no one's here...so I feel lost and don't know what to do with myself. I think I better stop now before I get upset...so until next time...if I make it there...

Why the hell is it so hard to get what I want?

So this week has been long and I have been very tired. The only thing I was looking forward to was the weekend...well I still look forward to the dance night Friday night...now I don't give two shits about the weekend. So why the hell is it so hard for me to get what I want lately? So is it really worth it? I'm beginning to wonder...

So what is there really to say?

I know I haven't updated in awhile. Been kinda busy doing something called work. I know...very depressing I must say. Also been dealing with something called snow...ugh...it's April already, we should be done with this!! Anyway...been a lot going on here. A local police officer was gunned down in the line of duty last week and I've covered press conferences and done stories on it. This is the second local officer to be killed in the line of duty in a little over a year and I had to cover both of them and it is so hard to stay impartial and write like a journalist is supposed to. Then with everything happening at Virginia Tech, I've been following up on that and finding out local links to that. It's been busy, which is good, but tiring and it all eventually takes a toll on me, mentally and emotionally anyway. Lately I feel mentally drained. Nothing seems to matter anymore. Emotionally I just don't know that I can keep dealing with some of this. It's so sad and it's the responsbility of a journalist to remain impartial and report on the facts without any emotion creeping in. I've talked to some ex-journalists who said they got out of the field because of what I'm describing. They say they mentally burned out because of things like this. I don't want to do that because I seriously love what I'm doing. As for the station...I'm not even going to go into that right now. Do I still like it? Of course...I just have some things I need to think about when it comes to that. I guess that's all for now...I have some thinking to do...

So yeah...

So I'm sitting here at 7:51 a.m. wondering why the hell I'm up so early. It's not as odd as it use to be. I get up at 5 every morning so it's rare for me to sleep past 7 or 8 on the weekends anymore. But I didn't go to bed until almost 2 a.m...you do the math. Let me add that my nose is running, my throat hurts, my head is throbbing even my ears are beginning to hurt...yesterday all this started and I thought it was allergies because the pollen count is very high and it was 55 or so outside. But today...I'm convinced I am subject to another fun spring cold. I can barely talk, which is going to make on-air work this week very fun for me. You see, one of the few jobs where losing your voice or having a cold would seriously affect you. I just took some cold medicine and some tylenol for my head...I have a box of tissues to my right and a cup of nice hot coffee to my left. After the coffee is done I'm going to take a nice warm shower and try to get ready for the day since I have to head out to Little Falls around noon to cover an event for the paper. Sleeping was a disaster for me last night. There were spurts when I got nice and comfy and slept very well, but most of the time I woke up every half hour to either drink water or move around because my nose was running. I hate sleeping when I have a cold...I never actually sleep. In turn that makes me very grumpy and irritable and just not in a great mood. I'm not in a horrible mood yet though. I got to wake up next to Rich which in itself can put anyone in a good mood...lol. Also I'm looking forward to my parents coming home today. They went out of town for the weekend to go to a youth convention for church. You might think I'm crazy for wanting them to come home, but as much as they can annoy me at times, the house is very quiet without them home. So what's coming up for me this week? Hopefully another good week like last week. Won't be as good because I don't get to see Rich everyday...but he's working up here Monday and Friday so I'll probably get to see him a couple days. uh oh...coffee's almost gone, guess that means it's shower time then time for another cup of coffee...wish I could stay home all day, curl up in a ball on the couch and sleep. That's probably what I need to feel better. But hopefully I'm not at this event too long today and I can come home and do just that. *crosses fingers* Anyway...I'll try to keep you updated on the progress of this cold and see how well my immune system does at fighting it away...it's kinda doing a crappy job now. Until next time...

Ugh...

So I was told by someone that I haven't posted a new blog entry lately...so I should end it here right? lol...ok...I do have a few things on my mind guess I can make something up. As of next week I'll have been working full time for 2 months. That's 8 weeks of Monday through Friday 7-4 (or around there depending on what events I have at night.) So what has it been like? Tiring and trying at times but for the most part I've enjoyed it. I am also now the official overnight voicetracker at Lite...which I think is going to be good and bad to some extent. Good because I'm at the station everyday keeping my prescence up and I'm on the air everyday, which is the true test to see if I'm ready for something full time in radio. Bad though for a few reasons...when I have night meetings it's a really long day for me...I work 7-1, then have to go to the station to do the voicetracking, then come home and eat and go to whatever event I have...so I'm on the run until about 9 or 9:30 at night. It's a long day. When I work a typical 7-4 day I never feel like going back into the station after sitting at home for awhile, but there's no pressure then, I can go in as late as I want and as long as it's done it doesn't matter. Plus I love it...guess that's the bottom line :) Lately my parents have really been getting on my nerves. Usually I get along with my mom and dad just fine...but my mom always seems to find a way to get upset at me or to blame something on me. My sister's flunking out of college but something about that must be my fault...did I mention I hate being a middle child? Even after my older sister left and I became the oldest in the house...something was always blamed on me. I don't know...I just usually try to ignore it all and go about my daily business and ignore all the drama surrounding me at home. My weeks are long and drama packed lately which kind of makes me not as happy as I should be...which a few people have pointed out to me lately. Bottom line...I need a vacation. LOL. Guess that's not the real bottom line. I'm just taking it week by week right now and making it through. I keep very busy which is good because it takes my mind off other things sometimes. But anyway...here's my new post...happy now? :-)

So here we are...

So here it's March 11 and daylight savings time started 3 weeks early much to my dismay. For one I stay until midnight at the station anyway...so losing an hour of sleep is never easy for me. But this time it was even worse and I was exhausted in the morning. So came home from church and took a 2 1/2 hour nap which doesn't happen very often anymore but I was out which is what I needed I guess. So anyway, this post is going to kinda go all over the place 'cause a lot of things on my mind lately. So bare with me and enjoy I guess...lol. First a note to everyone looking to go to a movie. Definitely go see Wild Hogs!! The funniest movie I have seen in a hell of a long time!! I haven't been to a movie in a long time for a couple reasons. One...I never seem to have time. And Two...not many movies are worth $8 a person to see. But Rich and I spent the weekend together so we decided to go to a movie and we were both happy to find that Wild Hogs was definitely worth the money!! Moving on to subject number two. As I mentioned before I got to spend the weekend with Rich. *sigh* makes me spoiled when I get to do that. Not that I'm complaining about it. But then he has to get up early to go pick up his daughter and then get back home to go to work, it sucks. Of course it always sucks when he has to leave, but when I've gotten to spend a weekend with him outside of work it becomes even harder. I do get to see him Wednesday of this week though because he'll be up here working on Lite so at least I don't have to go a full week without getting to see him. And even better...Thursday is our anniversary :) hehe...yeah a year...who would have thought right? Enough said on that... Next wanted to share a poem since it's been awhile since I've done that. This one is from a few years ago. I wrote it for a church homecoming and came across it a few days ago, so let me know what you think and enjoy!! :)

Home

Home is where the fire glows

and keeps us warm at night

Home is where the friends we've made

help us feel alright

Home is where a candle burns

whenever you're away

Home is knowing you'll return

and never lose your way

Home is where the day's misfortunes

find unwelcome hosts

Home is where we learn to value

each other's feelings most

Home is where the heart beats slowly

putting us at ease

Home is where the children wanting

always first say please

Home is wehre the siblings play

and learn to share and give

Home is where the parents learn

the new role they must live

Home is where the budget stands

and fights inflation's pace

Home is where the paycheck finds

its destined resting place

Home is where our children mimic

all we do and say

Home is where we can't get angry

when we don't get our way

Home is where romances finds it

sometimes has to wait

Home is knowing other times

don't always come so late

Home is where we run for shelter

when we need it most

Home is where the air's conditioned

by the Holy Ghost

Home is like a bank account

with Internet paid each day

Home is where an early withdrawal

penalty is paid

Home is where the Lord is watching

giving us much light

Home is where Love rules supreme

forgiving when we fight

Home is where the good and bad

are shared with equal will

Home is where there's so much to give

we always get our fill

Home is where you and I

will learn and Lovve and Give

Home is where our love will last

much longer than we live

Home is not just a place with walls

where everything should fit

Home is a torch we pass along

for our children to keep lit

New Month...Not so New Point of View

So my guess is that 99.9% of people reading this have a myspace account, am I right? When did you start your myspace? Was it when the site first got off the ground? Or were you like me and only heard about it because some of your friends or co-workers started to use it and then jumped on the band wagon? Or maybe you just joined because you were bored one day. Either way, you jumped on the myspace trend. Are you measured in real life by how many friends you have on myspace? If you're not a teenager, then probably it doesn't make a difference how many friends you have on your myspace. Some of you might not know this, but many teenagers are rated "cool" and "uncool" by peers by how many friends they have on their myspace. The more friends, the "cooler" you must be. What kind of message does this send to kids? On the same line of things, kids can delete their "friends" off of myspace if they have an argument, can you delete friends in real life? Real life confrontations consist of talking things out and figuring out what can be done to improve or repair an existing friendship. Friendships are not easy, they take work by all individuals involved. Children are getting the idea that it's ok to just delete a life-long friendship because hey they have 100 more friends on myspace...well isn't that just ducky to know? I've had my share of confrontations with friends, most of the time we've worked through them and at least remained friends...a few broken ones here or there because of stupid things, but even those people that I stopped talking to for many years are still my "friends" on myspace. We even talk now. That's my reason for using myspace. I have existing real life friends on there, along with friends I went to school with and we lost touch, along with co-workers (past and present), and some family members. I won't delete friends and I won't just add anyone that sends me a friend request. I screen them...you might think this makes me paranoid...but I'd rather be paranoid then end up like some teens. Takes me to my next subject. Sexual predators know exactly where to go. Myspace. Myspace has implemented this new system where most everyone under the age of 18 has their profiles automatically made private...unless you or a "friend" of the person. Sure, it may seem like Myspace is doing its job of preventing sexual predators from gaining access to our children, what I have to say is...yeah right!! The teens add these predators as their friend after they get a friend request because after all "it's cool to have a lot of friends on myspace." Bingo...now whoever it is has full access to this teen's profile and they talk and they gain the persons trust and hey..."let's meet somewhere to get to know each other." Obviously I was a teenager once and I know the feeling some teens need to be accepted. They want a boyfriend/girlfriend, they want to feel that love, they want someone to understand and accept them, maybe they are a middle child, like me, and went through middle child syndrome and just wanted to get away from it all for a little bit. Difference with me...we never had myspace. So teens go and meet this "perfect person" and then you hear it on the news...another child either molested/kidnapped/killed because of it. That's when I shake my head and wonder what this world has come to. I won't lie. I've gone out with people I've met over the Internet. I've only done it twice. The first time I brought a friend with me. It was just weird that first time...I was probably a sophomore in high school at the time. The second time I went alone and had an ok time...but it just was awkward and not right. The second one was a nice guy and we still stay in touch and are even friends on myspace...but after that I figured out I really needed to meet someone in real life first and get to know that person that way. But sometimes, if you're as shy as me, meeting people online is much easier because you can really talk and get to know each other. I honestly don't think I'd do it again though. In my opinion, relationships are much more fulfilling and have more substance if you meet someone in person and if you can surpass that first month or so of awkwardness, you can open up a little more and relax and it's just easier. Don't get me wrong either, some people meet their "soul-mates" (if there is such a thing) on the internet and end up marrying them and many actually stay together. Good for them...but when it comes to our children, shouldn't we be protecting them? Let me tell you a story...I was over at my aunts house last week and we were talking about myspace. One of my aunt's friends daughters used myspace and her parents weren't that thrilled about it, so they decided to block the site at the house. Good idea, right? Well...her daughter came home one day and told her mom that she got to use myspace at school...well obviously her mom was fumed. I was always under the impression, myspace was blocked at schools. I know this happejust ned awhile ago according to my aunt, so maybe they hadn't blocked it yet, but this is something that parents should have the absolute right of restricting to their kids. If my 13-year-old daughter (no I don't actually have one--it's just an example) came home one day and said all her friends were using myspace and she wanted to also, I would sit her down and explain why she couldn't and the consequences of using it. Parents don't seem to have the right amount of time to sit down with their children and talk to them about what could happen if they did certain things. I realize peer preasure is a much bigger influence then parents, but they might actually remember what you said at one point and respect what you said because believe it or not...kids want to have their parents proud of them... Let me know if you agree with my point of view and stay tuned for more rants coming soon...

Umm...yeah...sure...

Ok...so I haven't exactly been checking in lately. I have been totally and completely out of it the past few weeks. I've been exhausted still trying to get used to the new job. Almost done with my 3rd week of the job...and it's been kinda stressful to say the least. First I'll start out by saying last week was rough. We have over 3 feet of snow on the ground which caused me to miss work Wednesday of last week. I couldn't even get out of the driveway, I stayed home and shoveled 5 or 6 times that day and killed my back...so I wasn't happy. Now this week has just dragged on and on. I don't know what it is, but I have had a very short string of patience lately. Everything irritates me and I hate that. Then I shut down...or cry myself to sleep. I just hope it gets better in the next few weeks. Don't know what else to say other then that. I'm getting into the swing of things and having at least one by-line a day usually. So I'll be ok...just have to get used to how things work and stop getting so upset all the time. It'll happen I'm sure...anyway, until next time...

My First Day

So I started my job today at the Herkimer Evening Telegram. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The only thing that I'm not used to is getting up at 5 in the morning. That made me kinda tired today. But I got there at 7 in the morning and started by writing up some community events and such. Then I started on 2 stories that I would have a byline on. Made some phone calls and left some messages. That's the problem with reporting...if you don't get ahold of someone you have to leave messages and it's in their hands when they'll call you back. The morning went by really fast. We had a meeting around 11 and decided who was covering what night meetings. They still aren't set in stone though. I took my lunch around 12 and then the afternoon started to drag. No one was calling me back, I take that back...I did get one call back and did an interview for a story. So I talked to 2 people and did 2 interviews, one for each of my stories. Tried to get ahold of 2 other people...one who was on vacation until next Monday, tthe other who I left a message on their machine and they never called me back. So the afternoon dragged...until about 3 when I started keying in some more community events and such just so I had something to do. I think the worst part of the day was when I had to drive home. It had been snowing all day and the wind was blowing like crazy. It was 20 below with the windchill almost all day. I had to travel from Herkimer back to Utica...took me 15 minutes longer then usual...which actually in reality wasn't that bad. I made it, and once I got home I was just relieved to have made it back. Figures I start working when the snow decides to make an apperance. Lucky me. I'll just take my time and not kill myself trying to get to and from work. So came home, talked to Rich for a little bit, ate dinner and fun stuff like that. Rich had to leave for work around 6...and I literally collapsed. Slept until 7:30 or so. Getting used to this 5 o'clock in the morning thing is gonna take a little while. I'll probably be in bed in an hour or so. Gonna sleep well I think for another day at work tomorrow. I'm gonna try to go to the gym tomorrow I think...but it really depends on how I feel and how the roads are and such. Anyway...I was bored without Rich here to talk to...so thought I'd give an update on the first day of my full time working career. Soon you'll see my byline!! It'll be exciting!! lol...anyway, be back in a few days probably. Have a great week!

One More Week

So I officially have one more week until I start working full time. I'm excited for a few reasons. One I know I'll have a steady income coming in. Two I won't be bored during the day anymore, which lately I have been because I have nothing to do. Like tonight I was granted the night off, might be nice...but I've been bored all day...what am I gonna do tonight but be bored? I'm also nervous about doing something new. But the guy I've been talking to seems nice, so that's half the battle I guess. Anyway...one week to go...that's it...

Just some things

I've been bored the past few days...not doing much but sitting around...and if you know me, you know I hate doing that. I'm sure I'll miss it once I start this job and am never home anymore. But I've been so bored I wanted to share some new poems with you. Let me know what you think...and be honest!! Love Is A Touch Love is a touch, a gentle embrace A smile, a laugh, a simple grace Love is soft skin upon your own Love is never being alone Love is patient, Love is pure Love is one thing I know for sure Love keeps us close, my friends and I Love never ends, though we may die Love is a tear, shed without hate Love is a heartbeat, felt too late Love is a feather from an angel's wing Love is the means by which we sing Love is wind, Love is rain It is truth, faith, hope and pain Love is blind, Love has no bound Love is silence, Love is sound Love is you, Love is me Love is one small word - we Love is my blind faith in you Love is a word best felt by two Thinking About You I can't stop thinking about you Wondering if you think of me too I can't stop thinking of your lips How soft they are between mine I can't stop imagining your hands As they caress my every hair and limb I can't stop thinking of your face How I love it and it thanks me in return I can't stop thinking of your voice As sexy as the body it possesses I can't stop feeling your touch all over me My temperature rises and emotions explode I can't stop thinking of how much I want you How much I need you No matter what I do I can't stop thinking about you Longing I long tofeel the warmth of your skin You hand, reaching for mine I get lost in the tenderness of your touch Your caress ignites my senses, and softly whispers, I Love You. I long to see the glow in your eyes, Your stare, connecting with mine. I get lost in the boundless depths of your soul Your gaze frees my spirit, and softly whispers, I Love You. I long to taste the sweetness of your kiss, Your lips, gently brushing mine. I get lost in the intensity of your emotions Your passion captures my heart, and softly whispers, I Love You.

Landed It

So I didn't post about my job interviews like I had promised. Sorry about that...been pretty busy. The Herkimer Interview went well. I had to do a writing test, which I thought was pretty easy. The OD Interview was the one that I loved. They are starting to go more high-tech and have been having reporters shoot some footage and learn to edit it using Avid. Things I all did in H-Triple-C...and would love to put my Radio/TV experience with my Journalism experience. Two days after my interview at Herkimer I got a call from the guy I met with...he offered me the position. So I had some thinking to do. I talked to the guy from the OD and he told me to take the position at the Herkimer Evening Telegram and get the experience behind me, and he would stay in touch with me about possible positions with the OD. So even if it's 6 months down the line...maybe eventually I'll work at the OD. So I took the position in Herkimer. As of Feb. 5 I will be a full-time reporter. Never thought I would be doing the reporting full time. Should be interesting. I'm kind of nervous and anxious, but after a few weeks I'm sure I'll be more comfortable with my position. I just hope I love doing it full-time. We'll see. So tomorrow I'm heading on into the station to give my notice to WIBX and to talk to my boss for Lite. I already told him I got the position, so he wanted to talk to me more about it. Bottom line...I'm excited to be finally doing something full time, but at the same time this new chapter of my life brings some concerns and more stress...things I won't go into this time...maybe later. We'll see what happens and I'll keep you posted.

Full Time

So I've been looking for a full time job as most of you know. Radio is not the easiest business to get anything full time in...so I went to the Reporting end of things. Working at WIBX has really opened me up to the possibility of doing that full time. I applied to 3 different newspapers for full time positions hoping that something would come out. Out of the 3, I got 2 calls and therefore have 2 interviews lined up for Monday and Tuesday of this week. I'm excited but nervous. I just hope something can come out of it so I can start doing this full time thing and making enough to pay my bills. Problem is it would take time away from being able to go see Rich. I know, not the end of the world, but I just miss being able to be with him. After 2 days of being able to be with him...it hurts when I can't. I would have to cut back at the station...but for a full time job I'm willing to do that. I'll probably be posting both tomorrow and Tuesday to let you know how the interviews go. Anyway, that's it for this time...catch ya on the flip side...

Winter Finally?

Wow...so for the past couple of weeks we in Central New York and up and down the East coast have been having 50 or 60 degree weather...which is record breaking weather. It's January...and normally we have had tons of snow by now...we had a green Christmas and New Years, barely making an inch here or an inch there before melting. Instead, it seems that Colorado and those places to the West have been getting the snow we should be having. Enter in...yesterday. The forecast was calling for 2 to 7 inches in our area, and places North and South anywhere from 10 to 18 inches. Well I think we only got a couple inches around here. But it looks so peaceful when it snows!! That's the only good thing about snow and winter in my opinion. I've been spoiled with the weather we've been having...now it's in the 20's with snow on the ground and snow still coming down. But again, it's supposed to be in the 40's this weekend...so I have a feeling most of it is going to melt anyway. The pictures here are what it loos like outside the house right now. It's pretty, and the streets actually look not too bad, which is good since I have to go out soon. Anway, long story short...we've lucked out this winter...guess it's time for the white stuff to fall...only a few months left of winter!!

So What's The Deal?

So you ever watch the show Deal or No Deal? Good show...I love to see people lose...I know I'm mean, but I think it's funny that they get so greedy and then the bank offer goes down to like $800 or something...it's great. Well this post...has nothing to do with that show...it was just on my mind so thought I would put it out there...it's my blog...I can do that if I want...lol. Anyways, I didn't work much last week because being a holiday week there wasn't much going on at night so I got 3 days off in a row, and I was bored out of my mind. Although, being off, I did get 4 resumes and cover letters out looking for a full time job...these were all in journalism or television. We'll see what happens with them. Also last week I was not able to get to sleep very easily...I have no idea why...but I had to take Benadryl or I couldn't sleep...I wonder if it's stress. As I mentioned before I take in just enough money to pay my bills...could the stress behind that be keeping me up at night? I do know that I generally have trouble sleeping when I am under a lot of stress. Usually when I'm tired of working...this was different though. I just laid in bed, tossed and turned for 2 hours or so and stuff just ran through my head. Lots of stuff...nothing inparticular. I just couldn't get my brain to stop thinking...and I know that's what keeps me up. I just wonder why? I don't know...all I do know is it really sucks. This week I'm just looking forward to Friday...I need time away, with Rich and Terry and not thinking about anything pertaining to work for a day. Is that possible? Probably not...but I'm hoping I can make it work. Maybe that's my problem also. I don't spend enough time doing stuff I wanna do. I stay at home and clean, do laundry, run errands, I don't get to do anything FOR me. Maybe I need to work on doing that more often. Going to a movie, or out to see Rich, or shopping with the money I don't have. Just an observation on my part...is it possible? Probably not...I don't have enough time in a day to do "me" stuff. I do go to the gym every other day or so...and I do enjoy that and feel better after working out...I think I need to make a special effort at least once a week to do something for me. I'll let you know how bad that fails coming up. Hope you have a great week...and since I can't...go do something for yourself this week!!

New Year

So I haven't checked in in a month...and that's a long time for me. I've tried to check in at least every week...but lately work has had me hectic as ever. With the holidays, full timers of course are always off and that leaves us part time workers working more than ever...doing live shifts, voicetracking, writing news stories...seems like it's never ending sometimes. But now it is 12:20 in the morning on New Years Day. So first and foremost Happy New Year and I hope your 2007 is everything you hope it to be. Hope you make and keep your resolutions, whatever they may be. What were you doing at midnight? Partying with friends, at Times Square to watch the ball drop, in a hot tub drinking wine? The last one is what I was doing at midnight with my family. Yes we are insane...especially since it was FREEZING RAIN out...and my God it was cold!! We started the tradition last year and this year had my sister and her boyfriend home to join in the festivities...to top it off we were listening to my voicetracks on the radio...it was a good way to kick off the new year. Although...I was a little upset I didn't get to spend it with Rich, but when distance is an issue there's not much you can do about it. I make do and spend it with family and friends. So 2007...my main goal is to find a full time job. I can't keep paying my bills if I don't get either a full time job or a fourth part time job. I'm so freaking stressed about it too after counting my expenses this past month and what I actually made in relation to that...I'm getting kind of worried that I'm not going to be able to make it. Then what do I do? Another goal (yes I don't call them resolutions...goal is a more realistic term) is to lose weight...I'll continue at the gym and keep trying to watch what I eat...hopefully it'll pay off...I notice a difference when I work out and it makes me feel better about myself...so gonna try to keep that up this year. Moving on to IBX...I'm getting some positive praise from co-workers and my boss...but I just don't have fun there anymore. Not that every job should be fun...but writing for me always used to be fun...now I'm getting to not like doing it much...reason for not posting much lately. I hate that I'm starting to hate what I love. I used to write poems and short stories and fiction all the time...now I can't get the motivation because I have to do it on a daily basis. To me...that's not good. Hence the reason I really need to get a full time job...spending almost 7 days at the stations for relatively low pay is really wearing me out and starting to irritate me. What can I do though? Anyway...HAPPY NEW YEAR!! It's 2007 live it up...enjoy it...

Here Again...

So I finally show my face around here again. Was going to check in last week, but work kept me very busy...among other things. So hope you had a great Thanksgiving and was able to spend it with the ones you love. Just a few updates...I worked a lot. Was on the air Wednesday and Thursday filling in for vacationing people over the holidays. Friday I went out for WIBX on Black Friday to cover shopping. Was out at the mall at 4:30 in the morning...yes...I was insane!! Traffic was nearly impossible to navigate around 6. The plus side is, I did 6 live remotes for WIBX and everyone that had heard them said I sounded great...so I think that's good that my boss now knows I can do it. Maybe I'll get more on air work because of that. Not thinking it'll happen, but I can wish can't I? I actually had a conversation with my boss over at Lite about a few things. In a nutshell, it was about me not getting the hours when people took days off...and you can say that it's not up to me whether I get the hours or not...it's up to my boss...and trust me I know that. I was irritated and kind of upset that back in September he told me that I would get any extra hours that became available...and then a few weeks ago I didn't get them...so yes I was upset. I think we're ok now though, I think we came to an understanding, and we're still speaking to each other which is good. I don't like having to confront a boss, but I thought it should be out in the open. So that's that for the time being. I'm going on a mini-vacation this weekend and I really can't wait! I don't get to see Rich for two weeks which is going to literally kill me...but I need to get out of this place for a little while. So that's the update for the time being...nothing else to report on for a little bit...until next time...see ya!!

WEEEE

So like the new banner at the type of my page? That would be compliments of my boyfriend. I'm not artistic enough to do something like that myself...lol. So anyway, I've been working my ass off lately...getting really tired of dealing with news. This week hasn't been too bad...the meetings have been pretty short and they aren't the same things that I hate covering. It's been a big budget week around here...so that's kind of interesting in a sense. I haven't been in that great of a mood this week...one of my bosses has irritated me, plus I think I'm coming down with a cold. My throat has been killing me for three days, my nose runs off and on throughout the day and I sneeze and cough...it's really quite annoying...and just makes my days even worse. I did however get most of my Christmas shopping finished yesterday...so one less thing I have to worry about. Nothing else really going on...I'll probably put an update up next week around the holiday time if I get some time between working.

Election Day 2006

So Election Day is finally over. Something that probably pleases me more then a lot of other people. Obviously I'm sure people are happy to have the commercials done and know that changes have been made...hopefully for the better. My election day consisted of a really long night and a very tiring following day. It was fun to be out in the field watching the coverage and listening to the results coming in. The station was still hopping at 1 in the morning...which is very unusual for us...a real news staff was on hand to cover all major events. When I got tired around midnight I still ran on the high from the past few hours. News can do that. For me...that's become the only good thing about news. Meeting some great people and seeing the high it can give you when you cover certain events. Then there's the other side of it where you have to cover the hard things...like when I first started and a local police officer was killed...covering those news conferences was the hardest thing...plus I had just started in news...so for me it was a complete shock. I just don't think news is what I want to do full time...especially since they don't let me go on the air. That's my passion. I love being on the air. As I mentioned before, I get a rush every time I get to go on the air...that never changes. So holidays are coming up. I love the holidays...the smell from the baking I get to do, the peace of the snow blanketing the earth, the shopping for people I love, getting to see family...the holidays never get old. I love this time of the year...I get to be on the radio more then just weekends...so obviously I'll be keeping you posted about the holidays as they come upon us and about work...as for the full time job...didn't get the one I was really hoping for...now I'm at a loss. I've applied for many more...it's just a matter of hearing back from them. It's depressed me a little though...news is just not fun to go into anymore. But we'll see what happens...one thing I know for sure...I need a damn vacation!! Until next time, Peace...and stay warm!!

Update

This is just going to be one of those quick update things. I've been very busy lately...haven't had a day off in a few weeks. I do however get Tuesday off...so I get to go trick or treating with Rich and his daughter. I think that'll be fun and get my mind off of stuff I don't want to be doing anymore. Election day is just around the corner, and I dread having to cover them for WIBX. I'm gonna be at the station until at least midnight, probably later. And I'll have to talk to people I really don't want to talk to. I also joined a gym last week which I think might take some stress out of me. I need to get in shape anyway, and it'll get me out of the house during the day and giving me something to do in the winter when all you wanna do is stay inside and eat. So my diet officially starts today. That basically means no fast food, no snacks, no soda...I'm cutting it all out...I'm going to do my best to eat healthy. I'm actually going to the gym for the first time today. So I'm excited that I'm starting this. As for a full-time job, still working on that. Nothing has worked yet...but I haven't heard anything about the one I interviewed for. They haven't hired anyone yet though. So who knows...not me...lol. Ok...guess that was my quick update. Gonna finish my coffee and head off to the gym.

Is The Week Over Yet?

So this week has been hell to say the least. My God...I have been going through it in like a blur...just going through the motions and not really feeling anything or knowing what I've been doing. It's a week like this that I know I need to get a full time job!! Working my ass off this week at three jobs is just too much for me. It's finally started to settle down...I just have to make it through today...then I can relax tomorrow. One day off...before starting another hell session. I would be remiss not to point out though...that today I have an interview for a full time job. It's not in my field of Broadcasting...but it would get me started and I would make more money and get benefits...and to top it off...I'd be able to drop two other jobs. The job is actually at the place of one of my jobs...I'm a food service aide currently at LutheranCare...I have applied and am interviewing for an administrative secretary job. It would definitely get me on the right track. I would stay at Lite on weekends (not sure if I'd work Sundays though...think I might need a day off there somewhere). I would drop my food service job obviously, and I would drop WIBX. I know I have truly grown at both Lite and IBX...but lately...IBX isn't fun anymore. Apparently my stories aren't completely up to par...and it takes begging on my part to get my boss to finally sit down with me to go over them. How can I improve if I don't know what I'm doing wrong? So IBX is just unneeded stress right now. I dread everyday I have to go in there...who wants to feel that way about their job? The people I work with there at night...are awesome! I have to point that part out...so I'd miss them if I leave...but I have to start thinking about myself. It has been too long since I've actually sat down and said "What does Kim really want?" The answer to that question doesn't come too easy these days. I used to wonder what I wanted. I know back in high school...when I was this shy girl who wouldn't speak up if my life depended on it...all I wanted was to make it through and graduate. I was never a good student in school, almost completely flunking out of my 10th grade year. Math and Science were not for me...but when I took Creative Writing, Journalism and Public Speaking in my senior year...I was right at home. I determined I wanted to do something in that field or one related to it. Going to HCCC was the best decision I ever made. I made some life long friends and being in Radio/TV you had to talk...I opened up so much and at the end of my second year there when I was getting ready to graduate I was voted "Most Improved" at the Poobie Awards. It was at that point that I knew things were coming together and I would be ok. When I was offered a part time job at Lite 98.7 in November of my senior year...I was ecstatic. I mean...the number one station in the market, and they wanted me? Of course...overnights were very difficult, but everyone had to start somewhere. I look back at how much I've accomplished during the three years I've been at Lite. From overnights I moved in to Sunday nights, when they used to be live I did 8-midnight. That was hard, because the next morning I had an 8 o'clock class...which needless to say I didn't do too well in. From there I started filling in on holidays, when there weren't any contests or request hours to do. After that...I was doing some Saturdays and then some Sundays, and still doing overnights at least once a month. When our PD changed in September 2005, I still did the occasional overnight, and some Saturdays and Sundays again. In January of this year...I started filling in every other week for the All 80's Saturday night, which is a 4 hour request show. That gave me tons of experience on phones and requests, and after I graduated in May of this year I started filling in tons for people vacationing and while they were looking for a new mid-day person. So I am trained on every shift except for mornings...Mark can keep those...hehe. Now, I work every Saturday and Sunday, every holiday, and usually when people are on vacation. So that's my background at Lite...think I've grown? Oh yeah...not just as a person...but as a personality. Personality is everything for a DJ...and I've started to try to polish mine to sound unique and different. So that brings me back to the question..."What does Kim want?" I haven't actually thought about that for awhile. I'm not looking long term anymore. What do I want right now? I want a full time job for one. My student loans start up in December and as of now...I'm not going to be making enough to pay all of my bills. That's where the full time job comes in. What else do I want? I want to be able to hang out with my friends more often. As of now...I never go out or do anything because I'm working so much and either exhausted or don't have time. Another thing I really want right now is to be able to see my boyfriend more then just once a week. This may seem like a little thing to you...but I only see him at work. We don't get to go out and do anything, or just cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie. And every time I get ready to leave the station and know it's another week before I see him again...it becomes harder and harder. The final thing I want is a vacation. Not just a weekend vacation that's coming up in December for me...but a full blown week vacation from everything. Don't know where right now...but I don't just want it...I need it. I have been working since May of this year without getting more then one day off at a time, with a few exceptions. Many of those days I pulled doubles or triples, working at more then one job in a day. Would you be stressed? I sure as hell am. So wish me luck at my interview today...as you can tell, I need a full time job!! And I pose the question...is this week over yet? :-(

Where Did This Come From?

Ok...so there hasn't really been that much focus on school shootings since Columbine. So what the hell is going on this year? Three school shootings in the past week, and two more "gun in school" threats yesterday. Apparently 18 kids have died in school shootings since the beginning of school...and school started three weeks ago!! I don't know that I get it. Why do kids hurt other kids...or for that matter...why does anyone take the lives of innocent children? I don't think I'll ever understand why schools can't be safe anymore. That's all I'm gonna say...

Just Remember I Love You

Ok...so I've had a bad couple of weeks. Things have started to become a little better...but there are times lately where I just kind of feel like I'm alone. I just keep telling myself that things will get better. I know I have people around who love me...it's just I work so much that I don't get to see anyone that I love anymore. Ironically enough...on my way back to the station from an event I was covering a few nights ago, I heard a song that kind of hit home for me. It was on the station I work at...so I've played it before...but I guess the words never hit me as much as they did that night...and today it almost seems approprite after that deadly school shooting in Colorado today...anyway, the song was Firefall's "Just Remember I Love You." When it all goes crazy and the thrill is gone When the days get rainy and the nights get long When you get that feeling you were born to lose Starin' at your ceiling feelin' the blues Have you ever had that feeling that your life is spinning out of control? Ever just want to stay curled up in bed and let the world just pass you by for that one day? Ever wonder if your life really was worth anything? When there's so much trouble that you want to cry When your love has crumbled and you don't know why When your hopes are fading and they can't be found Dreams have left you waiting friends let you down Have you ever felt that everything around you wouldn't go your way? That the people you love really aren't there for you? Everything you used to dream just wasn't going to come true? Everything you've ever known that you wanted suddenly seems so far out of reach? Well just remember I love you And it'll be alright Just remember I love you All that I can say just remember I love you Maybe all your blues will fade away Know no matter where you are or what you're doing or how bad your life seems at the time, people are always there for you. People always love you. Someone out there is always thinking about you at some point in time. Maybe you need a lover and you're down so low And you start to wonder but you never know When it seems like sorrow is your only friend Knowing that tomorrow you'll feel this way again Ever had weeks of not feeling like you could escape? Just wanting to be with the people you love? Ever drown your sorrows in one way or another hoping the next day will be better then the last? When the blues come cryin' at the break of dawn When the rain keeps fallin' but the rainbow's gone When you feel like cryin' but the tears won't come Then your dreams are dyin' when you're on the run Ever feel like running away from everything but realize you have no where else to go? Ever stand in the rain so it would hide your tears and hurt? Just remember... Just remember I love you And it'll be alright Just remember I love you All that I can say just remember I love you Maybe all your blues will wash away No matter how hard a situation gets remember people love you. What is the point of doing something drastic to yourself or someone else? At least once during a day you cross the mind of another person. Doesn't mean you can't have your bad days...just means that everyone is loved. You may not know it...but you are. You just have to realize it.

Here Again

Today is pretty much just a day to get some poems off my chest...so read...enjoy...and figure out for yourself what they're about...

Missing You

My heart aches within from missing you,

My lips long for the feel of kissing you,

Right now all I need is to gently touch your skin,

To look into your eyes and see deep within,

Just one warm embrace,

Just to look upon your face,

Just one little touch,

From the one I love so much,

If I could gaze upon your smile,

For just a little while,

To know that you miss me too,

As I'm thinking of you,

To hear the sound of you breathe,

Knowing you'll never leave,

To see you walk up to me,

Then embrace you tenderly,

To just be with the one who's sent my heart reeling,

And brought about this downpour of emotion and feeling,

I sit here alone tonight,

And pray that somehow this all turns out right,

I've never been one to do more taking than giving,

I'm not well off but I work hard for a living,

I've told you many thoughts that weren't borrowed or bought,

And in lifetime, who would have thought,

That I have found someone who was just meant for me,

I can't explain the magic or why this should be,

But there is one thing that I know for certain,

That this just ain't over till one of us draws the final curtain,

For I've seen an angel and I want you to know,

If it's my choice to make, I'll never let you go,

Don't know what life holds, maybe there's no reason or rhyme,

To think you may be mine in a matter of time,

And though I cannot touch you and we are now apart,

My Love, you do dwell, so deep within my heart.

Long Distance Love

When it hurts so bad,

why does it feel so good?

I wish this all made sense,

I wish I understood.

Not having you here with me is tearing me up inside,

but I can't stop thinking about you no matter how hard I try.

You know how I feel about you,

and I know I want to spend my time with you,

but it's so hard to do when I can't even be next to you.

Why does it gotta be so complicated?

Loving you feels so right,

but at the same time,

knowing I can't have you keeps me awake at night.

I just want this to be simple,

I just want you here with me,

to look into your eyes,

be held in your arms...then I'd truly be happy.

Right now this distance between us is out of our control,

but I'm still hoping one day soon,

I'll get what I'm wishing for.

A Sunday

So Sunday's are generally boring for me...I'm working most of them now...and it gets so boring at the station trying to figure out what to do. It gives me time to think...but today that's the last thing I want to do. I'll get into that after I explain the week I've had... Tuesday I had to work primaries for WIBX. That was actually exciting and I was live on IBX for the first time...I felt the same rush I do when I get ready to go on the air for Lite. Anyway, I worked mid-days on Tuesday first, then came back in at 9 and worked until midnight...which was kind of cool because I worked into my birthday which was Wednesday. Everyone wished me a Happy Birthday at midnight...so that moves me into my birthday. Had kind of a relaxing day...I opened my presents before I went back in to work...then I came home and had some cake...which was awesome. Thursday was stressful...on 4 hours of sleep I had to work 6-2 and then had to go back in at 4:30...needless to say I slept good after that day. Friday I was off and did some cleaning and stuff around the house that I had been meaning to do but hadn't had time to do. Back to working Lite yesterday, today, all next week and again next Saturday and Sunday. So that's going to be a busy week coming up. But that was generally my busy week in a nutshell...2 doubles last week...and on day 2 of a 20 day working stretch. And as I mentioned it's a Sunday. Sometimes I actually look forward to a Sunday. It's piece and quiet...away from everything...just have the music going in the background and a book to read, sometimes I do some thinking. Today, I want to stop thinking. No good can come from thinking today. I want to say I'm confused and that's why I'm thinking so much...but I don't think that is completely the truth. I guess first I should mention that I'm a very emotional person...I cry during movies all the time...some songs will make me cry if they remind me of an event or person. When I get upset with my parents...I don't get mad and slam doors...I cry...it's just a part of me. Well last night I laid in bed and thoughts started surrounding my head...but I was tired of enough that I was able to go to bed pretty quickly. This morning...woke up and played some of my Game Cube...then started thinking again...and some of things I was thinking started to upset me. I don't know what my problem is today. Maybe it's because I'm now 22 and I do wonder where my life is headed. I love my job...and not many people can say that about their jobs, but yeah I feel like I'm being used sometimes. Many people in broadcasting can vouch for that feeling. I love my boyfriend and am happy when I'm around him...and not many people can say that they get the feeling. Maybe I'm upset because I don't get to see him more often...leaving him becomes harder and harder...maybe I'm upset because a lot of the time...we only get to see each other when we're at work. Neither of us can afford to keep driving back and forth with gas prices the way they are. Maybe all of these things combined are starting to make me skeptical about what I really want. I wish I knew exactly what I wanted. One thing I know is I want to stop thinking. For the most part I'm happy with where my life is...I don't have a full time job, which is the one thing I'm lacking right now...but I have a few part time jobs that I really love doing...I just wish my mom would stop nagging me about getting something full time...right now I'm fine. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months...and he's the one person that is able to keep me sane when I pull double or triple shifts. So you see...I'm happy for the most part with my life...so you wonder why I'm getting upset or doing all this thinking? I don't know...maybe it's because it's a Sunday and I have nothing else to do. No...that's not it...there's more to it...and that's what I'm hoping to figure out sometime this week...

9-11 We Will Never Forget

I would be remiss not to write a little on the five year anniversary of those fateful terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. If you noticed, in the post previous to this...which I also posted today, I didn't mention anything about the attacks. There's a reason for that. I'm not saying we shouldn't remember and reflect on the day that changed America forever. For me, there's a reason that I want to try to put the day aside and not keep bringing it up. It puts a damper on my birthday every year. Maybe you think that's selfish of me, and maybe it is, but the entire week is generally dedicated to 9-11. I have always looked forward to my birthday...it's my Christmas. And ever since my senior year in high school...that changed. Don't think that I don't reflect on what happened five years ago. Today I had the privilege of going to a couple 9-11 related events...and they were moving to say the least. But bottom line is...I do remember what happened...and I still remember those who lost their lives fighting for our freedom. Now I will post the poem that I wrote 5 years ago about the terrorist attacks. It was published in a few local publications...and is my best poem to date...so sit back, read and reflect on what 9-11 means to you and all Americans!!

Who Am I Kimberly Dunne I am no one special. I’m the little boy that gives up his favorite teddy bear so that a stranger might be comforted. I’m the single mother who has been trying to teach her child to sleep in their own bed, who holds them tight long into the night, thanking God it wasn’t her child that died. I’m the old man, angry and resentful that his military doesn’t want him because of his age. I’m the teenage girl that spends hours cutting ribbons for others to wear as a symbol of remembrance. I’m the young man who doesn’t understand why his father was running up the stairs as the building fell, trying to save just one more person, instead of saving himself. I’m the old woman who will never see her grandchild again. I’m the little girl, playing with her doll, who can’t understand when someone screams hateful things at her because of where her family is from. I’m the police officer, trying to keep idiotic reporters safe, when his wife is still among the missing. I’m the fire fighter that called in sick that day, only to discover that someone else died in his place. I’m the man who survived the falling building only to learn that his sister and baby niece were in the plane. I’m the secretary, angered by the seemingly callous response of those around her. I’m a spelunker, who is climbing down into the remains of a building, hoping to find someone still alive. I’m the dog handler, searching for bodies, that has to comfort my animal when only death remains. I’m the woman who stands in line for five hours in order to give blood, hoping to help strangers in need. I’m the man who gets up and goes to work every day, in spite of the tragedy, because he still has a family to feed. I’m the first passenger to get back on a plane, even though I’m terrified, because I know somebody has to be first. Who am I? I’m nobody special. I’m just an American.

Weekend & stuff...

So I had a weekend off this past weekend...I don't remember the last time I had a full weekend off. Trust me I treasured this past weekend because I have a feeling it's not going to happen again anytime soon. Let me explain...I didn't get the full time position on Lite. They did however hire one of the other part-timers which was the next best thing. Therefore, he's been moved to full time and we're down a part-timer and now I'll be working every Saturday and Sunday for awhile I think...I don't completely mind...but when I don't have another day off during the week, or I just get Friday's off, it makes for a very long week...and not enough time for myself. Anyway, that's the main reason I treasured this past weekend...another reason would be I got to spend it with Rich and Terry. Now I'm spoiled and I know Saturday won't come fast enough. Now I have to go back to only seeing him once a week...and that took a toll on me last month when we went a week or two without seeing each other. Ugh...yeah I know...it sounds lame...but I'm in love and there's nothing else that can be done about that. So primaries are tomorrow...gonna be a VERY long day for me. I have to do mid-days on Lite and then I have to cover elections...I'll be at one of the candidates for Senate headquarters. I get to do live updates on the air...so I'll be nervous about that...but at the same time excited. It's actually kind of fun being out amongst all the action waiting to hear poll results hearing the low buzz of anticipation. It's really a rush...although I will be at the station until well after midnight I anticipate...and that runs into my birthday...which sucks for me...but trust me...EVERYONE will know it's my birthday when midnight rolls around...hehe... Which brings me to the subject of my birthday!! hehe...yeah 2 days...get me something good!! lol...I'll leave it at that for the time being...but don't let me have to hunt you down to get my gift :-)

Concert Pics

Ok...I finally had time to scan all the pics of the Carrie Underwood and Alan Griggs concert in...so I am putting the best ones up here...let me know what you think! Some of them really came out awesome!!

Concert...

So I've been to a lot of concerts over the years. I'd say 15 or so over the past 6 years. I've been to pop concerts, rock concerts, rap/hip-hop concerts, but not once to a country concert, until last night that is. See I don't really consider the concert last night a complete country concert, but in some ways it was. Anyway...I hadn't been to a concert in almost a year...so it was time to make an appearance at one. I went to the New York State Fair and saw Carrie Underwood and Alan Griggs. I had never heard of Alan before...but he was really good. Carrie was awesome!! So it was a country concert...but Carrie did a couple covers of Guns 'N Roses...which was completely unexpected...but awesome! It shows a different side of her. I dragged Rich along with me to the concert...and he even said he had a good time...so that was good. So this past week and next week I'm going to be spoiled with seeing Rich 2 or 3 days a week...and then the more time I spend with him the more I miss him when he's not here...yeah I know...pathetic...but hey I don't care. I don't mind being pathetic. So anyway...moving on...Labor Day coming up on Monday obviously...and it's the Kim Dunne Labor Day Marathon Event on Lite 98.7...hehe. Yeah...I'm working Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Wednesday on Lite...so everyone gets to enjoy the sounds of Lite and Kim...hehe. What more could you want for your Labor Day? :-) Ok...guess I'm gonna go for now...Carrie and Alan pics will be posted hopefully tomorrow, but if not...it'll be on Friday...so check back for some great concert pics!

Local Train Accident

Ok...so the subject says it all...or does it? As mentioned, there was a train accident this past week...but it wasn't just any train accident. No one on the train was injured. That's the good news...the bad news...well look at the car in the pic... that's the car that was involved in the accident with the train. The question becomes, what the hell happened? No one really knows. All that is known is that 5 teens were in the car driving along...there were no gates or anything at the railroad tracks, there was only a stop sign, which I guess was partially hidden by a tree. It was about 6:30 at night...so it was getting dark but not completely yet. I don't know if the teens tried to beat the train or if they didn't know it was coming. How could you not know a train was coming? Wouldn't you hear it or see the lights, or something? I don't get it at all. One of the teens is dead as of now, and the other 4 or in local hospitals recovering, I think anyway. Haven't heard of any others dying well at the hospital. I just keep thinking that this is really weird. Now all over news is train safety this and train safety that. Yeah...well...I think they were just 16, 17, 18 year old teens that were just cruising along and thinking they were hot shit and could beat this train or something. I, along with many people I talk to, am compeletly baffled by what happened, and that's probably not good. I work in the news...I should know what happened. But bottom line...I don't...maybe the police can enlighten us at some point...

This Week

So it's been a weird week I guess. I had a horrible migraine yesterday which caused me to come home early from work and not go in at all today. So hopefully I'm back up to par by tomorrow. I think also knowing I still have a week in a half before I can see Rich again is starting to take it's toll. I guess especially when I don't feel good you get those moments when you just wish you could be lying in their arms doing nothing. That doesn't happen often enough these days. Anyway, I found this thing online from a friend...kind of "how you know you're in love" thing...I know I'm in love...but the things are so true!! 1) The idea of being away from them for more than a moment makes you sad...even if they're across the room you want to be holding them. 2) You'd bend over backwords just to see them smile. 3) You feel your heart race everytime their name comes up in your e-mail, IM or phone. 4) You'd wait a lifetime and honestly wait for the perfect moment to be with them. 5) You'd go through hell and back because you knew they were worth all the fights and tears in the end. 6) The idea of being with anyone else, looking at someone else doesn't cross your mind, you'd rather be with that one person. 7) There always on your mind and if you don't say goodnight or happen to talk for a day you spend the whole night thinking something's wrong. 8) You'd give up the one thing you know is right in this world if it meant they were happy even if it was with someone else. 9) You can honestly see forever with them and no one else. 10) The words I love you don't feel like they're enough to express what they mean to you. 11) You smile inside and out when you see them even if its been only 4 minutes since you last saw them. 12) You could stay up all night watching them sleep because your scared if you close your eyes they might turn out to have only been a dream. 13) Knowing your the reason they're sad breaks up inside even if it's just because they miss you...you want to do anything in your power to fix it. 14) You fall in love with them over and over everytime you kiss, hug, talk, smile at each other, or just reminded one another you care. 15) Even on the worst day of your life no matter how bad your days been, hearing their voice warms you up inside and might not make things all better but just for a moment you're happy again. 16) You drop your walls and let someone in even though if they hurt you it might kill you, you're willing to take that chance. 17) Everytime they kiss your neck or touch you in anyway you get chills down your back and a warm sensation takes over. 18) You'd sleep on a hard floor when you could be in a bed just because you want to be near them. 19) You know each others not perfect and love one another for their flaws as much as their perks. 20)Last but not least because even when they're not around, you know they're thinking about you and doing the same things you are for them for you :-) These things are so true!! Anyone in love or falling in love knows exactly where I'm coming from!!

Wowzers...

So my life is anything but easy right now :-( I pull at least one double a week usually...and not knowing about the full time job is starting to kind of make me all hyper and nervous and all that shit. I know I can't expect to get it...I don't have much experience...but if I don't...even though I expect that...I still would feel a sense of disappointment about it. As my mom stated...the worst that can happen is you keep doing what you've been doing. But that's the point...I'm tired of doing that! Tuesday and Wednesday of this past week I pulled 6 1/2 and 7 hour days working the news...yeah maybe those aren't even full time hours...but it was so freaking hot and the events were outside...I got home and was exhausted and hot and just wanted to be doing something else. I don't know if I could do news full time. I need something full time so I could drop 2 of the jobs and feel a sense of normalcy again. Then I also might get to see Rich once in awhile. As time goes on...it's been getting harder and harder to make it through a full week without seeing him...maybe it's just because this past week was so long and took a lot out of me. I would've loved to be able to just come home and relax with him...it seems to be the only time I get to relax. When I'm at home...I get bored so I have to be doing something...I generally am doing laundry or cleaning the house, or cleaning my room...or lately I'll exercise just to take my mind off of things. I don't think I ever realized it could be this hard...and often I wonder if it's worth it. I don't want that to come out the wrong way...I love him...I'm positive of that...and I would try to do anything to make it work...it just gets so irritating that we both have to work so much and don't even have time for each other. Or with that note...the gas money to see each other during the week...I realistically can not afford it...and that sucks...but nothing we can do about that...so all I can think of right now is to take it week by week...I don't know anymore...I really don't...

Yeah...another overnight...

You see...I can't not post an entry when I do my overnights...guess I get that bored. I've also determined that when I'm tired...such as when I have to do an overnight...I get very emotional and "clingy" in a sense. I guess it's just the fact that I'm able to do more thinking when I'm alone at the station. And me doing thinking...never a good thing. What do I think about? I can't exactly devulge that type of information...or I'd have to kill you. But you could probably guess what it involves. Moving on...this weekend has really sucked. Not because I've had two overnights...that sucks too, but I have seriously felt like complete shit since Friday...and I'm not exactly sure why. I don't know...maybe I'm skirting around a bug or something. I also think I was dehydrated from not drinking enough water. The heat could have been taking a toll on me lately too and I could have had heat exhausation...which makes me feel light headed and ache all over...so I don't know. The only thing I do know is I'm feeling 100 times better then I did on Friday. Still have a slight headache which just wants to hold on, but I feel better other then that. This is also the first time I actually considered calling my boss and telling him I couldn't go work. Even though it is an overnight and I hate those, I would have felt bad...so I'm glad I was able to make it for them both...plus an extra 6 hours isn't too bad when the pay day rolls around. I'm back to WIBX this week. Kind of depressing in a way because I've been spoiled working during the day and having my nights off. I've been able to watch some shows that I haven't been able to in awhile. However, I have missed working on IBX. I've also felt kind of bad. They've been shorthanded lately because I've been putting in all my time over at Lite. Covering some of the meetings gets really long and tiring, but then I have those other meetings that are kind of exciting and different and I get to meet new people. So now I know that if I don't get the full time position on Lite...it's not going to be the end of the world. I still don't mind working on IBX. I just would love having something full time which would give me my nights off and maybe not make me so freaking stressed. Anyway...the fun filled overnight continues...is it time to go home yet?

Yeah...It Doesn't Get Easier...

I'm happy. I don't get to say that too often...but lately I really have been happy. Not always...but tonight I'm happy, and I'm on an overnight shift. Yeah, exactly my point...who is happy working midnight to 6am? My boss was in a bind and he asked me to work both of the overnights this weekend. How can I say no? I mean I am up for a full time job there...so I can't exactly refuse to do it, without thinking it could jeopardize them considering me. So I'm here, and did I mention I'm happy? I just spent a day or so with Rich and Terry...so yeah, I can't help but be happy. At the same time I'm not. I got home around 6 so I could take a nap before coming into work. I layed there with my eyes open for probably about 15 minutes. I just wanted to be laying in his arms. I don't get enough of that. But I wasn't going to let that bring me down...it did at the time, but now I just look forward to seeing him later on today. You know I've heard from people that have to go through long distance relationships that as time goes on it gets easier to be without the person you love, but to that I have to say...I don't think so. Not for me anyway. I get to talk to him every day and that just makes me miss him more and want him more. As corny as it sounds, it's true. And as far as I can tell...he feels the same way. So I'm sitting here still suffering from a headache...listening to music...just kind of browsing the Internet and hoping the night will go by quickly because then I get to see him. Ok, am I going overboard here? God I can't help it. There's something addicting about being with him, not to mention I love him. I know there's not much else we can do right now as far as seeing each other more often. I do what I can, he does what he can...and that's it. So...I'm happy...but I'm also here to say it doesn't get any easier. Check in with me in about 3 days...I won't be so happy anymore.

RANT: Andrea Yates

Ok...I have to do this. I've been keeping my rants to a minimum...but this has to be said. The verdict for Andrea Yates came out today. For those that don't know, Andrea Yates is a Texas woman that drowned her 5 children. The first trial she was convicted and sentenced to life in jail but then a technicality gave her another trial, one which conluded yesterday with a verdict that I wholeheartedly disagree with. She was found not guilty by reason of insanity. She will be in a mental institution for her life, unless her case is reviewed and she is released. What the hell is that? She should be killed... Well I guess you know my point of view on the whole thing...but I do have a reason behind why I feel this way. From the day I heard about this woman drowning her 5 children in a bathtub I became very irritated and frustrated and several thoughts ran through my head. Why would you have children at all if you were going to kill them? Children are innocent beings...they never hurt her I'm sure. She claimed she did it because she was suffering post partum depression from her last baby. She also claimed that her husband forced her to keep having children. Maybe all this is true...but she wasn't completely insane when she killed her children. The nail in the coffin came when I found out that her oldest son found out what she was doing and he went running away from her. She chased him around the front yard to catch him and kill him. She knew exactly what she was doing when she chased him. Now this lady that doesn't deserve to live could get out of this mental institution if the doctors determine she is "well" again. She should either be sitting her ass in jail for the rest of her life or be on death row. So now you know how I feel about this verdict that was released today. Words can't really describe how upset I was when I heard this on the news. Nothing I can do about it though...just hope that she is committed for the rest of her life!!

The Day

Well this post comes only after having one of the best days I think I could have hoped for. The only problem is...it's over...and it ended too quickly. I got to spend the day with Rich and Terry, which I thought was pretty special to begin with. Although, it was also one of the first days I've spent almost an entire day with Terry...and yeah she can be a handful, but at the same time a loveable handful...sometimes. As we were driving around at the end of the day not able to come up with another thing to do, I couldn't help but start to think...and for me thinking leads to more thinking and emotions start to kick up and I realize that it's going to be another week before I get to see him again. I know relationships are a lot of hard work. I knew this at the age of 15...but at the age of 15 I wasn't working 3 jobs. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love what I do. How many people can say that they work at the number 1 rated radio station in the area? People listen to them every day and count on them to keep them entertained. I love it. If you knew me when I was in junior high, you would never have thought I would be able to entertain anyone on the radio, or anywhere. I was this shy little thing who just walked around and did what people told her to. I broke out of that when I went to school for Radio/TV. Now I couldn't imagine another thing to do. People say, "you can't live on that amount of money." Well yeah...but it's not about the money...it's about the passion. Anyone in radio knows where I'm coming from when I say that. So as I mentioned relationships are hard work. Long distance relationships...even harder. I don't know if you can call it a "long distance relationship" I mean I do get to see him every saturday...and he lives an hour or so away...but for me it's absolutely heart breaking (I guess that's the right word) knowing that I can't see him for another week. I get to talk to him every day online...but it's never the same. You can't share the same amount of joy or pain over the Internet as you can face to face. Sometimes I just want to be able to lay in his arms and watch a movie...that can't happen too often. We're both too busy for that. Then as I was thinking (never a good sign) more thoughts started in...I know there is a sense of responsibility that comes with being in a relationship with a guy who has a child. I'm not complaining...Terry has become very special to me. Yeah sure she wears me down everytime, but as long as she's happy and having fun...that's all that matters...she is a kid. But at the same time...it's very hard. I mean you don't get a lot of "alone time" or "down time" when there is a kid involved. That's just frustrating sometimes. You have to be careful what you do and be careful what you say. But at the same time...I don't always mind. I love spending time with Terry too. So as all these thoughts sort of collided...I got a little upset. I think being so tired also kind of makes me emotional. I knew I would be better in the morning...I always am after I get in a good cry. It's the one way I know how to release my feelings and frustrations. Bottom line is I was just happy to be able to spend a day with Rich and Terry...I wish something like that could happen more often...but we both know realistically that won't happen. But damn it I have to work tomorrow which also kind of sucks...that story for another time I'm sure...I need to go to bed and just dream...it's all I have right now...

Is It The End Yet?

Ok...I'm tired...tired of work, tired of home, tired of family, I'm just tired. 3 jobs have really started to take its toll. Granted I haven't been working at the nursing home very much lately...which is perfectly fine with me. But I have been filling in middays and a few afternoons on Lite...and working nights on IBX. Granted, they can't use me on IBX when I do middays on Lite for a week...but still it's starting to make me really tired. I guess I started to think about this a lot when I came home yesterday after working 9 hours and I was completely worn down. I mean I could hardly keep my eyes open and my body was running on empty. Brings me to the full time job... Had my interview a week ago. I don't know how it went really...I just know I was really nervous before it...but right now...what happens...happens. If it's not the right time for me to get a full time gig in radio...then it's not the right time. I know I've only been doing this for almost 3 years...it wouldn't surprise me if I didn't get the job. I think I could do the job...but we'll just see. But getting the full time would drop the other 2 for the time being. Did I mention that I'm tired? :-(

Just Thinking

I know it's been a little while since I've posted...I've been busy. In the middle of another 13 day working stretch. There has however been some exciting developments in looking for a full time job. The midday person on Lite decided to leave and therefore that leaves a full time opening...one of which I have applyed for. I don't know what kind of chance I have in getting it...but either way it's great experience for me to go through the interview process and see what it's like anyway. I have an interview set up for Tuesday and to say I'm a little nervous would be an understatment. I have to meet with 3 people. The first 2 shouldn't be a problem because I know them and think I'll be more comfortable with them. The 3rd one is out consultant who I've never met and according to my boss is going to ask some tough questions. I always get nervous before interviews. I keep running through my head what possible questions they could ask me and all that fun stuff. All I can say is we'll see...and I'll be keeping you posted on here. In the meantime I'm doing a lot of fill ins for middays and afternoons this month...good experience anyway. Moving on now...I've been so busy at work that I haven't had much time to see Rich...and that's probably the worst part. The time we do get to be together goes by way too fast and then one of us has to leave...and it's the worst feeling in the world. I was up for a day in half or so last week spending time with him and his daughter...then I had to come back to go to work. I knew I was going to see him a little later that day when he came up for work...which was great...but knowing that I wasn't going to see his daughter for awhile...that's become hard too. The thing that carries me through the week most of the time is knowing Saturday comes around and I get to see Rich. All I can say is it's hard to have a relationship when you don't get to see the person that much...I know many of you probably can relate. But I love him...and that's all that matters! :-)