Wowzers...

So my life is anything but easy right now :-( I pull at least one double a week usually...and not knowing about the full time job is starting to kind of make me all hyper and nervous and all that shit. I know I can't expect to get it...I don't have much experience...but if I don't...even though I expect that...I still would feel a sense of disappointment about it. As my mom stated...the worst that can happen is you keep doing what you've been doing. But that's the point...I'm tired of doing that! Tuesday and Wednesday of this past week I pulled 6 1/2 and 7 hour days working the news...yeah maybe those aren't even full time hours...but it was so freaking hot and the events were outside...I got home and was exhausted and hot and just wanted to be doing something else. I don't know if I could do news full time. I need something full time so I could drop 2 of the jobs and feel a sense of normalcy again. Then I also might get to see Rich once in awhile. As time goes on...it's been getting harder and harder to make it through a full week without seeing him...maybe it's just because this past week was so long and took a lot out of me. I would've loved to be able to just come home and relax with him...it seems to be the only time I get to relax. When I'm at home...I get bored so I have to be doing something...I generally am doing laundry or cleaning the house, or cleaning my room...or lately I'll exercise just to take my mind off of things. I don't think I ever realized it could be this hard...and often I wonder if it's worth it. I don't want that to come out the wrong way...I love him...I'm positive of that...and I would try to do anything to make it work...it just gets so irritating that we both have to work so much and don't even have time for each other. Or with that note...the gas money to see each other during the week...I realistically can not afford it...and that sucks...but nothing we can do about that...so all I can think of right now is to take it week by week...I don't know anymore...I really don't...