One of those days...

So have you ever had one of those days that you know you should be in a good mood but instead you can't help but be in a bad mood? Yeah--yesterday was that day for me. I was with Rich the entire day so I should have been ecstatic to just be able to see him and be with him...but instead, I just couldn't help but have concerns and such plague me. Maybe the working thing is catching up to me...that could be my excuse for being so emotional yesterday...but it's probably not true. I know exactly what was on my mind...of course I knew, it is my mind...but as of now I'm not sharing it with anyone. I have a few concerns and problems that I need to try to work through on my own. What are they related to? Well...that question isn't going to be answered either. I couldn't help it, yesterday from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep I would just have moments where I just had to cry. You know sometimes you do just need a good cry. Although being with Rich yesterday I did a pretty good job of hiding it, and he was able to take my mind off of what I was thinking for a little while. And then the nighttime rolled around and I got him concerned, which wasn't my goal by any means. Although I wish I could have stayed with him all night...it might have been a good thing I had to come home. I was able to do some serious thinking...and came to the conclusion that I miss him. lol...so it might have been good to come home by myself, but in the long run, I still wanted to be with him. It's a crazy mixed up vicious cycle that we go through every week when we don't get to see each other. What makes this cycle inevitable? Well...our work schedules for the most part. I'm in the middle of a 15 day stretch of working. That's more then 2 weeks straight...you realize that? I have most days off which is nice I can kind of relax and catch up on sleep...and of course miss Rich more :) But yeah...the main reason for this post was to just ask if you've ever had one of those days where everything should be fine and perfect and ideal but it just isn't? Yeah--it's not fun...especially when you wish the problem wasn't an actual problem...

RANT: Aren't Children Innocent?

I get so irritated when I read news stories where innocent children are involved. So did you see the one where two children were thrown off a hotel balcony by their father before he too jumped to his death? What the hell? If you want to commit suicide, why do you have to bring your children with you? The children were 4 and 8. They didn't know what was going on. Their lives were taken away from them for some stupid reason. I feel the same way when I read about sexual predators and abusers who prey on children via the Internet or anyway really. Child porn site numbers are up online and it's very disheartening to know that statistic. Our children our innocent human beings!! Some sicko is out there looking for "fresh meat" to rape and abuse. They are children. They should be running around outside. They should be living carefree lives. No one, especially a child, should have to live their life looking over their shoulder because they think something is going to happen to them. Remember those days when you could send your children to the park by themselves and know they would come home? Remember when you could trust next door neighbors to watch your children for a few hours while you went grocery shopping? Now you can't take your eyes of your child because there could be someone right around the corner ready to grab them. I just watched a 60 minutes show this past week about a guy who raped and abused over 40 children before he was finally caught because of one brave girl who refused to be his victim. The scumbag got over 400 years in jail for it. I would have said execute his ass. They are innocent children! What I hear nowadays with the way teenagers have started to dress is that "their asking for it." Now come on...is that at all realistic? I don't think any teenager out there is asking to be raped or abused by anyone! With the development of the Internet and sites such as MySpace, more and more sexual predators are out there trying to lure that 12 year old to meet them somewhere. The sad thing is, many of the children will meet these people because they think they are friends. Parents...SPEAK UP!! You need to sit down and talk to your kids about it. You might think they aren't going to listen...but they will hear your voice in the back of their head when they think about meeting someone they met online. Then I watch CSI episodes (yes I'm a CSI addict) and I can't stand to watch some of the episodes about children. I know it is only a TV show, but I also know that many of the ideas they have for shows come from real live situations that have happened throughout the country. Kids are beaten and abused and killed...I just don't know how someone could hurt a child. I don't think I ever will understand that. Granted I don't have any children of my own...and I'm not sure I don't want children of my own...I can't help but smile when I watch them. They are also so happy. They don't have a care in the world. Who would want to take that away from them? I can't help but think about the time when I local girl went missing. Sara Ann Wood...she was found dead in the woods and it sent shock waves throughout the entire area. To think something like that could happen here. That was before a lot of the publicity on the Internet and stuff like that came out. I remember my parents not letting me leave the house at all unless they were with me. I couldn't go to friends houses, I couldn't go to the mall by myself, everyone was terrified. I think it was a wake up call that...children aren't safe. There are people out there who will do everything in their power to make sure children aren't safe. It's sick people! But let me open your eyes to something...IT'S A SICK WORLD!! That's all I'm gonna say...

Just Some Poems

Today has been a hard day for me. I don't completely know why. All I know is it's been raining all day and now we have started some thunderstorms. I don't like thunderstorms...they scare the crap out of me, so it makes me think about Rich being here to comfort me. Which just makes me miss him even more. Sometimes it's better to be working because I am able to take my mind off of him...today he's been the only thing on my mind. When that happens I have to do something...so today I wrote some poems...check them out...let me know what you think! Three Simple Words Three words, together Are all I can find To tell you the way I feel, And so I say them, As I have before But still ... I want to tell you more. So I give you a kiss And hold you tight To go with my words, so few, And try to express the way I feel In a different way for you. Three words, that's all, No more can I find To tell you the way I feel. And, so, I say them Again, once more, Forgetting I've told you before. Then you give me a kiss, And look into my eyes. That's when you tell me, too, These words, Three words We both know will do: "I love you!" Love Love is something special, Love is something dear. Love is a little sadness, When the one you love isn't near. Love is understanding, Love is pure and true. Love is tears of sorrow When the one you love leaves you. Love does not have color, Love does not have race. Love does not have beauty Or a pretty made-up face. Love is something simple, Love is something blind. Love is something important That's truly one of a kind. You're On My Mind I sit here on this rainy day, Nothing to do, nothing to say. You're on my mind All the time. Soft and delicate is your kiss. Being with you is what I miss, Your hands, gentle and sweet. I'm thankful for the day we got to meet. You're on my mind All the time. We fit together, so soft and snug. I miss your loving arms, your strong hug. You're the only one that I love. You're my angel from above. I love you with all my heart and soul. I'll be yours forever, yours to hold. You're on my mind All the time.

The First Week

So my first week of working 3 jobs is kind of officially over. I know you say it's Friday...but usually (if all goes as planned) I get Friday's off...which is good. I don't always get them off though...but when I do, I take advantage of it. Slept until 11 today...lol...yeah that's taking advantage of it!! Although this weekend on Saturday I have to put 3 hours in for WIBX and 7 hours for Lite. Then Sunday, 4 hours for Lite and 3 hours at the nursing home. Then Monday, Memorial Day, I have to put in 5 hours for Lite and a few for WIBX. Then Tuesday through Thursday doing more reporting for WIBX. I know when the money starts coming in I might be able to see that it's worthwhile...but now I'm just tired and wondering if I'll be able to keep doing this. So I've been asked by a few people...when do you have time to see your boyfriend? Uh...I don't? We spent last weekend together because I knew it would be awhile before we got to do that again. He's working a lot too, so it just boils down to making the most of the time we do get to see each other. Plus it's kind of hard with gas prices the way they are and us not living that close to each other. So it's raining out now...kind of fits my mood today. I'm drinking my coffee and letting my mind wander to places that it probably shouldn't. My parents are out of town for the holiday weekend so therefore I have to deal with my little sister all by myself. She's 18, but she acts like she's still 12. Drives me completely nuts. Like my family's been doing lately. My mom worries about my jobs, my boyfriend, my life...and I just want to tell her to leave me alone. I know she's a mom and it's her job...but it's irritating. I know she cares about me and is only looking out for me, but I'm 21 and it is my life. She's not able to change it. My dad is a little more acceptable about everything that my mom worries about. You think it would be the other way around because I'm "daddy's little girl." He seems to trust me and think I'll make the right decisions. My mom and I have drifted apart lately. I don't tell her as much as I used to. In some way I think I'm trying to grow up and live my life and she's still trying to hold me back. Maybe I just need to get out and get my own apartment and then maybe we'll grow closer because we aren't living together 24/7. I know I grew closer to my older sister when she moved away to college. Now it's more like we're friends who can talk about anything, then sisters. I love that feeling. It's someone I can always count on to be there for me when I need to talk. Anyway these are just a few things that have been on my mind lately. I don't know when another post will be coming because I am going to be so damn busy this coming week. But maybe a time will open up when I'll be able to let you know how the fun filled holiday weekend went! Catch ya on the flip side! :)

Love Will Come Back

There's a new song out by Chicago. It's been running through my head for a few days and I know why. It's called "Love Will Come Back." It's a great tune...and it really just kind of fits me right now. You'll see what I mean in a little bit. I don’t love you anymore We’ve all heard those words before Somebody takes your heart and then Leaves you the pieces I've been out of the whole "dating cycle" for a couple of years. It's not that I didn't want someone...trust me, there were times I just needed that shoulder to cry on or just wanted to be laying in someone's arms with nothing else to care about. It's the fact that I had so much shit going on. I was working non-stop and school was still a priority for me. Then of course there was the last relationship. He tried to change who I was. I was young and stupid and of course gullable. Until I found out the truth, and that was it. I wasn't going to let someone take my heart again...not unless I was sure. I wasn't going to go through it again. Thus...the trouble with trust. Sure, I went on dates with people in those two years...but I don't think I went out a second time with any of them. Then someone came along who could change all that. Lying shattered on the floor They say that when you close a door Another one is waiting there For you to open... if you believe! It's when I wasn't looking or caring if I had someone there...that I found it. Was it part of some plan? Probably...it was obviously time for me to start to move on. I'm not saying I dwelled on the break up for two years, but I wasn't ready to deal with anything. I wanted time alone...wanted to think...wanted to cry. Earlier this year I looked back on it and I got so angry...not upset. I think that was my cue that I was ready to put it all behind me. Yes...you might think I'm stupid for thinking about it for two years...but love is always hard to get over. For me anyway...I moved on, and that anger has suddenly turned to acceptance. There was a reason I went through that. I learned a hell of a lot about love and relationships. Love will come back Hit you when you least expect it Fill in the cracks Of a broken heart you thought That you could never mend You, you can start again! Suddenly...I find myself in love and happy. You ask me when these feelings started again and I can't answer that. All I know is...I'm happy. It's been awhile since I've been this happy. I talk to friends who are out "looking" for someone, and I give this piece of advice, "don't." It'll find you. When it's meant to be...it's meant to be. I know that can sound corny and cliche...but to me it's completely true. Love hit me when I least expected it to. Oh, when you think you’ve lost the only way All you really need Is a little faith Faith...I knew that everything was going to happen for a reason. I meet the wrong people to get to the right. And along this road we call life...we learn a lot of things. Love is one of them. You have to learn to love...and I'm far better off now... Just let love return to you You can start again!

So What's Next?

So I'm a college graduate. To some it seems like no big deal...but to me, I never thought I'd be able to say that. School was never an easy thing for me. I wasn't like my older sister who was 4th in her high school class. I struggled through Math and Science...failed tests left and right...I hated it. Of course college is always different. You take more classes that you actually want to. Still...I went through a time in high school when I had no idea what I wanted to do and though that I didn't want to go to college. This feeling I have now though...I look back and wonder what I was thinking then. I never thought I could love something so much. Working in radio has become my passion. I don't picture myself doing anything else. I didn't think I could love something so much. So I've had questions from many people. What's next? Well I have 3 part time jobs...yeah I said 3. It's going to be a very busy next couple of months around here. I'll be stressed...I'll be irritable...I can see that coming up. I'll also be missing Rich because I won't be seeing him as much. I'm excited about working more and making some money...but at the same time I don't know if I'm ready to be working every day. You might hear about that more in later posts. I still need something full time though. So that becomes my next question... What's next?

One Day

4 years ago I entered college really not knowing what to expect. My world was pretty sheltered I think. I had my close group of friends from high school. I didn't know how I could start all over at a new place and make friends all over again. It was quite easy in a place like Herkimer County Community College. The Radio/TV program was full of people. The professors were welcoming, the classmates always talked to each other and helped each other out with video and audio projects. I made a group of friends that far surpassed the high school group (many of whom I no longer spoke to anyway.) We often hung out in the professors offices between classes, it was a real laid back environment. We learned but at the same time we had fun with the hands on portion of it. I knew nothing would come close to that experience. I was right. Utica College was an experience in itself. Just not in the same way that HCCC was. I have a great group of friends from UC as well. It's not as large as it was at HCCC, but the journalism group (much like the Radio/TV group) became friends too. We all know each other and had fun in the same classes. So 4 years ago did I expect to be sitting here today actually happy with where I am? Not really. I thought I would be terrified at the thought of graduating and having to face the real world. But...I've been in the real world doing what I want to do for 2 1/2 years. Yeah...I'm still a beginner and I'm still learning things every day...but I'm doing it. I don't have the full time opening I want yet...but I have 2 part time gigs that right now are starting to look great to me. I'm actually excited about starting as a reporter on WIBX. It sounds like it's going to be exciting, and continuing on Lite is also great. I've learned so much there and have improved dramatically. Lite gave me my first "big break" in a sense. I just love it. I think it's great I get to use my skills from both HCCC and UC. I'm doing the broadcasting end and I'm doing the journalism end. I'm happy with where I am right now...and I think that's all that matters! And it's all down to this...one day until "I are a college gradjumawit" :) Can you believe it? I can't...

The new Bob Vila?

So I've been termed the new Bob Vila. Yeah it's been renovation time around the Dunne house for like the past couple of years...and it all comes down to the next couple of days. It's kind of an open house thing at our house on Sunday. The excuse for it is it's my graduation...and I'm not complaining because I could sure use the money. So it's my graduation party and it's an open house at the same time. Anyway, long story short, I took some pictures of me painting the bathroom yesterday and sent them to Rich and he coined me the new Bob Vila. So now I'm asking you if you think I am...lol. Some pics are below...trust me they aren't that great.

Just General Thoughts...

So it's really the end. Took my last final on Monday, now I sit and wait for grades. Rumor has it...they'll be available as of the 12th. I hope that's true. I have family coming in this weekend and I can't wait! I'm so excited to see my aunt and uncle. I don't get to see them that much, so I seriously can not wait! lol...I know I'm excited...I can't help it. Then I can't wait for my party on Sunday after graduation. Don't know how many people will be there because it is mother's day. I already know a few that won't be able to be there...a few of them I really wish would be there...kind of makes me sad that they won't be...*shrugs shoulders* but hey...I guess you do what you gotta do. So my allergies this year...yeah that's a whole other story. I'm just sick of them...they are like 100 times worse then years past. I only bring this up now because they are bothering me now...and hey these are my thoughts for the day. Another thought that is on my mind everyday is my boyfriend, Rich. I spent a day with him and his daughter earlier this week, and it just went by way too fast. His daughter's full of energy and wears me down. lol...you try chasing a 4 year old...lol...it's harder then you would think. But she's still adorable...can't fight that part of it. Rich - oh he's not too bad either ;) I never get to spend enough time with him. I hate the feeling of knowing I have to leave. I guess that's why I'm a little down about him not being able to come to my graduation party...I know he has to work and that's that...but I also know it's going to be another day that I'm going to be missing him and not seeing him. I just can't help it...my thoughts always seem to go back to him. Now that I don't have school to concentrate on and I don't start working for a couple weeks...I'm at that point where I think of him all the time, and miss him even more. It's just a viscious cycle of never ending thoughts...you ever been there?

What is wrong with me?

Such an easy question to ask, but such a hard question to answer. I'm sure that all of you can relate to being stressed at one point. I hit my limit last week...and this week has been very mellow for the most part. Today I had a final presentation for one of my classes and it was very laid back and relaxed. Then I came home and had a Smirnoff...that really relaxed me. Now I'm hanging on by a thread. lol...CSI and Without A Trace are both new tonight...have to watch those of course. Graduation is in 10 days. Do you think it's hit yet? Kind of...the real world is looming right there. I have two part time jobs for when I get out. One is going to be nights during the week...the other is going to be weekends, so I know stress will be coming from that at some point. You know what I think is kind of scaring me? The fact that I have no idea what I'm going to be doing in say 5 years. I know I need to find something full time...and fast. I need benefits...I need to pay bills...I have those needs too. So should I be more excited about graduation? I probably should...but I can't help but focus on what has to happen after graduation. Ok--that's not what's really bothering me when I said What's wrong with me? You know, at the start of every relationship there is a feeling of insecurity I guess. Whether it's a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, or a friendship, or whatever. There's always the "what if" factor. I can't help it, it always runs through my mind. I guess that's why it takes awhile to earn my trust. Being 21 now, I have focused so strongly on school for so long that I missed what it was like to be held or that feeling of looking in someone's eyes and just seeing it there. Now I just can't seem to get enough. You ever have one of those relationships? If you've lived close together then you probably never have...but I think this is one that I dove headfirst into. Good or bad? Hasn't been bad yet...I've loved every minute of it (except when we're not together.) There's just that feeling of knowing that someone else feels the same way about you as you do about them. Am I crazy? Oh probably...and is there anything wrong with me? Well ask anyone around me and they'd have an answer :) But I still look at what I have coming around the corner after graduation...I think I'm pretty damn lucky. I have a couple jobs lined up that will get me started. I've got a guy right now who is there for me. And of course I'm happy...what more could I ask for right now? So what is wrong with me? Got an answer? Would love to hear it...

Finally Figured It All Out...

So as some of you know the past couple of days I've been in a not so good mood. So I was laying in bed last night and it clicked. I'm graduating. Well of course I knew this before, I mean I've only been saying it for the last 2 years. Then I got upset again. I laid down and was trying to figure out why I was so depressed. I thought it was just because I really missed my boyfriend and everything...and I do :) But that wasn't it. I couldn't help what I was feeling though, I couldn't stop the tears that started to come to my eyes. I didn't know why the hell I was so upset. Then I knew. June is always a hard month for me. It's the anniversary of my grandmother's death. This year it is going to be 10 or 11 maybe even 12 years since she passed away. So you think 'yeah, what's this got to do with anything?' I know I'm graduating in May not June. But you know what? I know how proud she would be of me. If I go on, then the tears might start again...so I'm just going to end this with a poem that I wrote today. It helped me kind of cheer up a little. So let's hope by graduation I can finally be myself again. You'd Be So Proud You'd be so proud of the woman I've become. You'd be so proud of everything I've done. You'd be so proud I can see you smiling down. You'd be so proud of everything around. Oh I know you'd be so proud that I'm following my dream. Oh you'd be so proud that I made it through somehow. I know you're watching me on my special day and you are still so proud. I think I know exactly what you'd say "I am so proud of you."

Some Hearts

*sigh* well it's kind of been one of those weeks. You know what kind of week I mean? The week that seems to drag on forever, but they're still aren't enough hours in the day to do what you have to do. With graduation just around the corner I really just need a break. So do I ever get that break? Surprisingly I do. Different from other semester's I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I think knowing that I don't have to go back in the fall is a huge weight off of my shoulders. It's just not a summer anymore though, it's going to be a job search time. Also different from other semester's is that my boyfriend is able to relax me. Just being able to be with him relaxes me. There's just something about him that I'm able to forget about everything else. Ok, those of you that know me, know I am a huge fan of the last American Idol, Carrie Underwood. She's coming locally to our New York State Fair in August...tickets go on sale this coming Saturday, so I thought what would be better then to use her latest single, "Some Hearts," to describe how I am feeling. I think it fits just about perfectly. I've never been the kind that you'd call lucky Always stumbling' around in circles But I must have stumbled into something Look at me Am I really alone with you I wake up feeling like my life's worth living Can't recall when I last felt that way Guess it must be all this love you're giving Never knew never knew it could be like this He talks, I can't help but smile. His scent is addicting. I can't help but to think about him everyday. Just a simple word makes me smile. The thoughts bring another smile to my face. I miss him more and more with each passing day. I'd love to see him everyday. Just to lay in his arms and fall asleep. Look into his eyes and get lost. It's been awhile since I've felt anything like this. It's strong. It's intoxicating. I can't help myself. I can't control my own feelings. I just want to kiss him and hold him and make the rest of the world disappear. The time we are together, everything seems good and right. Everything does disappear and the world is just better. Some hearts They just get all the right breaks Some hearts have the stars on their side Some hearts, They just have it so easy Some hearts just get lucky sometimes Some hearts just get lucky, lucky sometimes My heart pounds at his simple touch. It yearns to hold him all the time. I can't help it. He consumes my mind from morning to night. I sit there and smile. I can't help it. I want his hand in mine. I just want to be with him. We don't have to be doing anything and I still have a good time. My hearts been broken too many times, so it's always taken me awhile to learn to trust people. He's different. I look into his eyes and I know it's there. Now who'd have thought someone like you could love me You're the last thing my heart expected Who'd have thought I'd ever find somebody Someone who makes me feel like this I don't think my heart was completely ready for this feeling. I was concentrating on making it through to graduation, and then he was there. Not trying to impress me. What you see is what you get. I didn't feel pressured. I didn't feel uncomfortable. For the first time in a long time it felt right. The days dragged on before we would see each other again...the time we are together goes by too fast. The way he looks at me sends shivers down my spine. I've come to realize... Even hearts like mine Get lucky, lucky sometimes My hearts found what it's been longing for. For once I am completely content at where I am in life. Just the simple thought of it brings tears to my eyes and puts a lump in my throat. After what I've been through it's very hard to even think about love, especially after not even 2 months of dating. But I can't help.... Previously I posed the question is it love? No doubt about it anymore...it really is :)

So it's almost the end...

Can anyone say stress? I can't say it without having my heart beat increasing, my palms getting all sweaty and feeling like I want to pass out. I finished my 10 page paper, my 20 page paper, one of the take home tests, and all the other homework. I have a presentation tomorrow in my fieldwork class, but that should be easy. I have two take home tests I will be getting tomorrow that will be due in a week or so. Then I have another presentation next week on my 20 page paper, which is going to be kind of hard. Then I have a final, then I'm done. Who would have thought that 4 years of college would come down to this? Or better, yet who would have thought that being in school for 18 years would come down to this? I started at the age of 3 in school and now I'm 21. Yeah...that's a long time to be in school. Now facing the real world, everyone wants to know what my future plans are. I don't have a clue. It's scary thinking about going out into the world and applying for jobs. I know college graduates who come out and think they are hot shit and are going to get the best job out there. I have worked my ass off to get where I am. My resume is strong, in my opinion anyway, so I guess it's time to start the search. There are openings in the local area and I'm working on an aircheck to send out and see if that might lead to anything. I don't know...but I have to step up to the plate. It's time. Moving on to WIBX. It's been a very busy and exhausting week there. Sunday afternoon I covered a local event. Got some sound bytes went back wrote the story. Last night I covered a pretty big county legislative meeting, went back and did the same thing. Didn't get home until a little after 10, and I was very tired. Tonight I'm covering two events, one somewhere where I don't know how the hell to get there. Then I have to go back and write and edit those. It's going to be another long night. Followed my another long day tomorrow. Long but satisfying...won't go into details on that :) Then a weekend full of working again...did I mention stress? So on the Lite end of things...things are going well. We're in the middle of our Prada Purse Giveaway. We're giving away 5 original prada purses stuffed with great prizes and cash. It's exciting, I just wish more people would call in on the weekends when they hear their names, it's not exciting when you don't get to tease them a little...lol. So some of you might wonder if I'm over the whole 'Bad Day' thing from a few posts earlier. Oh yeah...it's cool. I still have my 'regulars' calling me earlier in the day and I still sneak some songs on for them once in awhile (shh...don't tell anyone ;)) As long as I'm able to be on the radio...I don't care what time it is. That's the bottom line. I plan on sticking on Lite for the time being after I graduate. I can't imagine leaving just yet. I think once the 'perfect' job comes along somewhere else, then I'll have to consider it. So it's almost the end isn't it? Geez...where has the time gone?

What's the world come to?

Okay, amongst all of my school work is my internship at WIBX. I hear a lot of news, unfortunately, yesterday was a day I didn't hear about it in the newsroom. Most of it was on the 11 o'clock news. So for those of you that didn't know, yesterday was the 7 year anniversary of the Columbine High School shooting in Littleton, Colorado. That was a day I think that shocked the entire United States to the core. It was actually a spure of school shootings around that time, but Columbine being the worst by far. I think people finally realized that schools aren't safe. Many then went to searchs and metal detectors and police officers. Things that parents thought would never be in schools. A fear swept among parents thinking that their child could be heading off to school for the last time. I was scared to go to school around that time. I never knew what would come everyday at school. The past few years have been really quiet as far as school shootings are concerned, until yesterday. A school in Kansas was supposed to be the next "Columbine" according to some students. A message on MySpace stated that all students at this school show wear a bullet proof vest to school on Thursday the 20th. Thankfully, the police were able to foil the plot before anything happened. Several guns were found in the kids' homes. So I pose the question that I thought of 7 years ago, what is the world coming to? There are accidents every day in this country, right? People die all the time in automobile accidents. We had an accident locally yesterday that killed 3 teenagers that were seniors at a local high school. 2 months to go, and they are killed in a car accident. The car hit a tree, was split into two and half of it ended up in a lake. It's just so sad to think of what the school community, family and friends are going through. I know the hype that comes behind graduation. This year it is going to be a very sad year for everyone involved. That wasn't the only accident locally yesterday. A guy on a motorcycle was hit by a truck and killed. You see these accidents every day and you just think it could never happen to you, but the truth is it can happen to anyone. It really makes you start to think about your own driving. Maybe even slow down a little and take a little longer or leave yourself a little more time. So I pose the question: What's the world coming to?

Feelings...

So there is 28 days before I am officially a college graduate. Can you believe it? I can't. I mean I have graduated from college before with an associates, but this is at a totally different level. Just as a side note, our commencement speaker for this year is Mike Farrel. He was in M*A*S*H and Providence. So that should be an interesting speaker to listen to. Anyway, back to my point. Yeah, I do have one. 28 days...I have so much shit to do. Papers and things...so I don't need any distractions right? Well if you remember in a previous post about my stress...I do need some distractions. But I keep telling myself that I really don't, I just need to make it through...that's the bottom line. Yeah...that's going to work. Never does. I do need some kind of life...but at the time of that posting I didn't expect to feel the way I do. Now it just consumes my mind most of the time, I just can't help it. There's just something so addictive I guess. Anyway, I was at the station today not doing the work I was supposed to be doing because I couldn't keep my mind off of him. So I was recording things and just having fun. Then I wrote a little poem...I'm not totally happy with it, but it expresses things so I just thought I'd post it. Let me know what you think... Feelings Feelings of excitement when you're near Feelings of sadness when you leave too soon My heart sours when I gaze into your eyes My knees tremble at your simple touch My breath becomes short at your kiss I need you near Need to feel you close I can't help but miss you Everytime you're gone You put me in a place I haven't been in awhile It's exciting It's scary But you're intoxicating The excitement builds and I can't help it I feel like I need you Feelings I never want to forget It's there I know it is I can't help the feelings They're just there

I can't help it...

I can't help it. I can't be mad. I can't be upset. I can't be sad. I just can't help it. Shit happens. Then you move on. I look into his eyes. I can't help it. I don't want to be upset. Not over something as stupid as this. I still bring it up. More as a joke. I just can't help it. He feels bad when I bring it up. But then there's always something to look forward to later. Did I mention I can't help it? His eyes hypnotize me. They draw me in futher. I hate the feeling of having to leave. It never happens fast though. There's never a "goodbye until next time." My breath becomes short. My heart beat becomes fast. His breath tickles my neck. His kisses are intoxicating. I just can't help it. His mouth on my ear almost sends me through the roof. We pull away. We have to. I know I would do something I would regret. I can't help it. I'm not ready for that step yet. I've never been ready. But thoughts neverending still circle my mind. I look into his eyes again. I just can't help it. They draw me in again. The circle starts all over again. So, is it love? I sure hope so...

Bad Day...

Cause you had a bad day You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day The camera don't lie You're coming back down and you really don't mind You had a bad day You had a bad day This song from Daniel Powter really fits me today. It's been one of those days. I've cryed off and on all day because of a text message I received this afternoon. It was from my boyfriend. So I called him and found out that apparently I'm being taken off the All 80's Saturday Night. I know why it's happening. He needs me to work earlier in the day on Saturdays. Okay, now if I had been contacted by my boss, the program director, then I don't think I would have a huge problem with this. What bothers me is that I was blindsided by the whole thing. No one said a damn word to me...I think he should have talked to me about it first. Maybe that's just the way I would do things. I am his employee...so I guess I don't have much of a say. I feel I've come a long way since I started at Lite 2 1/2 years ago. Overnights, to days on the weekends, to fill ins to the all 80's saturday night. I love those 4 hours of requests. It's great music and you talk to amazing people. I've heard that there was talk between the full timers a couple months ago and they said that I sounded great on the 80's. I like being able to go off format a little and take requests and play music we don't normally play. You stand in the line just to hit a new low You're faking a smile with the coffee to go You tell me your life's been way off line You're falling to pieces everytime And I don't need no carryin' on So am I upset that my boyfriend is going to be the new full-time host of the 80's? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. I'm happy for him though. He deserves this...and he's been really amazing about it. He called me as soon as he found out...and anyone else wouldn't have done that. So really I am happy for him. I know he'll do a great job...I will get to see him every Saturday now, and maybe I'll stay with him during the 80's, because right now I don't care what my boss says about that part of it. I'm still bitter...can't help it yet...so I try to hide it and let a smile slide out every once in a while...don't know if it's real or fake...so have you had a bad day? Cause you had a bad day You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day The camera don't lie You're coming back down and you really don't mind You had a bad day You had a bad day

Words...

So sometimes there are just not enough words that can be expressed on a certain subject. Let's take golf for example. How much can you really say about golf? For me it would consist of "Hey he made par," or maybe even "A hole in one...that doesn't happen often." I know even less about tennis. I wouldn't be able to hold a 3 sentence conversation about tennis. So what's this all leading up to? Well I've mentioned in previous posts that I'm not that great at expressing my feelings. I've always been the type to hide in my little shell until I feel better. The communications courses I've taken at Utica and HCCC have really helped me open up and talk to people. I'm much more open with my mom then I used to be. We discuss just about everything with each other. I think being a DJ has been a life changing thing for me. Being behind a mic is a lot different then being on a television for thousands to see. People only know me by voice most of the time. Unless I go out to a remote or anything and meet some of the listeners. I'm just a voice. I'm someone that probably works at their favorite radio station and gives them chances to be win prizes and let's them request their favorite songs. I'm just behind a mic. It's where I'm comfortable being. It wasn't always like that, but I'm glad I got to the point where I realize that this is what I love doing. So sometimes there aren't enough words to express what you're feeling. When it comes to my personal life I get that way. Don't ask me why, but I'm not all that great at expressing my feelings. I only express it to the people that I think need to know it. My family doesn't need to know, some friends don't need to know, co-workers don't need to know. I express my feelings more in actions then words, it's easier for me. That's all I'm going to say about that... So with 34 days left until I graduate, it's actually going okay. I got a 95 on the test I took last Friday. I was so excited today when I got it back. I couldn't believe it...I thought I bombed on it. Another test Wednesday afternoon...then we're heading into finals time soon. It's never ending. I just can't wait until it's all over and I don't have to take any more tests or go to any more classes. I just keep thinking it's really almost over. As far as work is concerned...I'm working another holiday which is really exciting for me!! I love filling in on holidays or whenever really. I get such a rush knowing that people are listening to me during the mid-day. So if you get it listen to Lite 98.7 on Friday from 10am-3pm. If you don't get it go online at www.lite987.com, we're streaming online and you can listen to me there!! Then I work Saturday 2pm-8pm and Sunday 3pm-7pm. A long weekend for me, but it's well worth it...I love working these long weekends. It's 15 hours this weekend alone...it's great. How many people get to say they like working like that? I love being able to say that about my job. Every day is different. You go in there not knowing if you're going to have a ton of problems during your shift or if you are going to sound amazing on that day. You don't know if you're going to have a cold and not be able to sound "normal." You don't know if you'll lose your voice and sound like complete shit on the air. I've been through all that...and I'm still here...so it's just great to know that I love my job and it's something different every day. Anyway...off to the wonderful world of homework... DJ Queen signing off... :)

RANT: Gas Prices

Okay I don't do this often. This being put many of my complaints up here for all to see. I always think that no one is going to agree with me anyway, so why bother taking the time to write it. I've read many rants on various sites though and realize that a lot of people feel the same way about issues that I do. So today I'm going off on the ever rising gas prices. So I live in a small town, right? So why the hell are our gas prices higher then say New York City and Boston? You know why? Because people will pay for it. People in our little town know no different. They don't get out of their sheltered little worlds long enough to realize that we are almost at $3.00 for a gallon of gas. $4.00 is not out of the question come this summer. I watched and listened for about 3 or so weeks as the prices would rise sometimes $0.10 a day if not more. Nothing was said about it. No news station picked up on it. It was like top secret why prices were going up. Finally today it was the top news story. Last week gas was $2.63 a gallon or so...this week it is $2.79. There is no real excuse for it, except rising oil costs. While why are oil costs going up? I could kind of understand gas prices going up after Katrina hit. But even then I think they took advantage of people who were going to buy it. We don't have a choice. That's the bottom line. People around here don't have public transit they can rely on. We have to have gas in the car or else we ain't going anywhere. Gas prices have always irritated me since I started driving, which I should mention was much lower at that point. I think now that I've started driving more I notice it. My car is excellent on gas. I usually only have to gas up once every 3 weeks. It's become more frequent with going to the station every other day and classes and other things that I have to do. I don't know...maybe it also irritates me because if they weren't high, I might see my boyfriend more often, but that's just a personal side note. But for a poor person like me, it's getting to the point where I don't know if I will be able to afford gas. So if you can't afford gas, then you can't drive to a job, so you can't make money to buy more gas. It's a vicious cycle and I honestly don't see it coming to an end anytime soon. Gas prices nowadays are complete bull shit and that's all I'm gonna say.

Stress Has Made Its Apperance

So you know I'm a senior in college, right? Do you know what that feeling is like? Maybe you haven't had that experience yet, or if you have, do you remember it? If you do...you knew it had to hit sooner or later, right? I've been very concentrated and very focused up to this point. Making Dean's List last semester really showed me that I could do it when I focused on it and put my mind to it. 3 weeks left until classes are over, then there's finals. Some people are saying great you made it...blah blah blah...yeah it's nice to hear...but that doesn't get the work done. About this time around the end of every semester I start to get really emotional and really stressed. My panic attacks always seem to kick back in, and at least once a week I have to lay on my bed and just let it all out. See I'm not a very vocal person when it comes to my feelings...never have been. It's caused problems before for a lot of different reasons. I have to work through many issues myself. Sometimes I'll talk to friends and they'll be my shoulder when I need it, but often I lay on my bed and just cry. I have to...it's the only way for me to release the stress. I get up a little while later and I'm better and I start working again. Sound weird? Yeah probably...but it's the only way I know how to make it through. So stress is starting to rear its ugly head. I'm realizing that it's almost time to graduate. Then I play the What If game. What if I don't get a job after graduating. What if I don't find a place to live. What if I'm not ready to work full-time. It's scary. Anyone that's had to go find a job knows that. I was terrified when I was 18 or 19 and walked in to audition for a part-time position on Lite. I think I'd be totally more then prepared to do it again now...but I was young and had never worked for radio before. Now I have it on my resume coming out of college and I have air check tapes. I'd be hired over another person just walking out of college and looking for their first gig...you have to start somewhere. So as the What Iff game dies down I realize that there is no way I am going to get everything done that needs to be done. Okay...I say that, but realistically it's crunch time and you might not see me as much over the next few weeks. I know when I need to buckle down and get work done. But as stress begins to creep in and make me totally emotional I know that I can't let it control me this time around. If it does then it wins and I will never get things done in time to graduate. So I will take time this time around for myself. I'll have a good time after finishing something. I'll let myself enjoy the last few weeks of college. Just be aware that there are going to be times I am going to be a flat out bitch...it's nothing personal, it's just stress...I think it makes everyone crazy!! The senior stress queen...until next time!!

Loving It...

You know...my mind tends to wander around quite a bit and it never really ends on a particular thing for very long. That's always the case when it comes to classes. Definitely not a good thing to have happen when May is just around the corner. As my mom just pointed out I have a very short time to go and I don't want to screw around at the end of the semester. I think she was refering to my boyfriend...which I'll get into later, but trust me I'm not going to screw around with it so close. I'll keep doing what I've done to make it this far. I've always been a procrastinator. It's the one thing I truly hate about myself. I wish I could get everything done the day it's assigned and be done with it. I get very proud of myself when I get homework done early. May 14th is graduation and it's coming up so fast. I started my research on my 20-page paper and I still have so much shit to get done it's not even funny. I think the only way I'm staying sane is by having a social life of some sort. Yes, I do have a boyfriend, and as I mentioned in my previous post he's amazing. I don't know what it is, but I can never get enough of talking to him or seeing him. Never a dull moment between us. There's always something to talk about, and I can't stop smiling when I'm with him or around him or talking about him. LOL--does it sound crazy? It's okay if it does, because I am happier then I've been in a really long time. I think him saying that May is just around the corner is better then my mom saying it. He can take my mind off of all my school work from time to time. I know when I have to buckle down and work, but going out will energize me and suddenly I can do more homework or something. The great thing is I don't have to do anything with him to be happy. I just like being with him...and I haven't felt that in quite awhile. I've also mentioned that he is one of my co-workers. As for the people at work that know about us...there are a few, and soon to be more I'm sure. We're not hiding anything though, so it really doesn't bother me if the whole world finds out about it...LOL. Moving on to the work side of things. The internships going pretty good. I enjoy going in there now. The interviews go pretty well and everyone raves about my writing. I don't know that it's that great, but I'm always harder on myself when it comes to my writing. The regular radio side of things is going great too. Still love doing the 80's. The music is so awesome. I'll turn the music all the way up so you can hear it throughout the entire building because no one else is in the building anyway. I covered two remotes this past Sunday within 5 hours. So it was 4 hours of remotes...that gets tiring but it makes the shift go faster, so I'm not really complaining about it. I also like doing remotes with Mark just because he's so funny. He said I sounded good on the air on Sunday, and to me that's a huge compliment coming from our morning guy. I'm also working Good Friday because all the full-timers are off. I'm pulling the mid-day, so that's exciting. I always look forward to the holidays because full-timers are off and that means more on-air time for myself. Skipping another day of classes for it, which I did in February too, but experience is experience. I don't think classes will be full on that day anyway. So I'm keeping busy with work. Just a side note to end this...wow...April's a busy month with birthdays and anniversaries and Easter is in April this year. It's up there as one of the busiest months of the year...it doesn't top September though!! My birthday rocks! I'll prove it...I know 4 people that have birthdays on the same day as me, and no their not celebrities. Plus the rest of the month is extremely busy with birthdays and anniversaries...wow...it's crazy. Anyway...until next time...signing off...

Thinking...

I know you probably all say "Uh oh..." when you read the headline that says "Thinking" It's never good when I start to think. Especially since it's 12:09 in the morning. Yeah...pulling another overnight...that's 3 weekends in a row...he really is trying to torture me!! Oh I'm only 21...I must not need any sleep right? Yeah...okay...that's why I drink a pot of coffee while I'm here and my Vault drink is going to be a lifesaver this time around. So I got in the studio early tonight because I had to voicetrack for Sunday morning. It's a confusing weekend. We have a remote going Sunday from 10-noon. I'm voicetracked from 10-11 and live from 11-3. How exactly is a remote going to be on the air while I'm voicetracked? *shrugs shoulders* I don't know. I probably should have asked my boss, but I forgot. Too late now, unless I call him later today, I guess I could do that...we'll see. Anyway, then I was voicetracking for Sunday like I mentioned and I do the weather breaks during Casey Kasem...and the last track (where they do the number 1 song of the week) isn't in the computer. I don't know how to put that in the computer. So I don't know what to do about that either. I think either I have to come in early and run it off the CD, get someone to put it in the computer (which is pretty impossible on the weekends) or leave a nice note for Ashley in Frog and ask her to run it for me...that's probably what I'll end up doing. So I kicked off my day pretty poorly. Hopefully the overnight goes better for me. So far, 14 minutes into it...everything is on the air and going well. That's always a good sign. So, if you've noticed, these are pretty random thoughts right now. So...there's this guy right? lol...yeah I'm gonna go there right now because he's plaguing my mind...in a good way though. Yeah, he has me thinking about him almost non-stop. It's crazy...especially in the middle of class. He floats into my head and then I want to see you try to concentrate. Anyway, I actually work with him at the station, so it is relevant to what this blog is supposed to be about. So yeah anyway...I just can't seem to see him enough. He lives about an hour away, which makes it difficult to see each other on the spur of the moment. But, I'll take what I can get because to me he is just amazing :) No I'm not just saying that because he'll read this...lol. Anyway, I have to stop talking about him because it just makes me miss him even more. I hereby order my thoughts to an end...until next time...

Well...

You know, sometimes things just happen. There has to be a reason for it or else it probably wouldn't. That's how I got the job at the station...it just happened. Am I thankful it did? Of course! I had heard how hard it was to actually "break" into the radio business. Things are dying down because of satellite shows and satellite radio. Not as many people are hiring full time people, or even part time people anymore. Although the job was kind of handed to me in some sense, it doesn't mean I didn't work at it. I started on overnights and spent just about a year doing that. I knew I had to start somewhere...and so I did it. Not many people really started to hear me until I finally moved into days. I worked Saturday afternoons and sunday afternoons once in awhile. Then the feedback started coming from people I knew. Everyone thought I sounded good. Then the feedback I get now...people say they didn't know it was the same person who was on the air 2 years ago. People say I sound more mature then I used to...well my answer is...you have to start somewhere. Of course I grew...as my first job in radio, it was expected that I wasn't going to be great when I opened the mic and started to talk. I was nervous as hell!! You know...when I first get into that studio for my shift I get a rush, but I also get nervous. That feeling hasn't gone away. Something about having the control of the radio, and then if something goes wrong...I used to be terrifyed that something would go wrong on my show. That doesn't bother me anymore...shit happens. Let's take this past weekend for example. My overnight show that I was called in for was fine. I sounded tired but I couldn't help it. Who's listening anyway? Well a few people are...but anyway, then came the 80's show. I was even more tired for that because I only had 6 hours of sleep and was working 11 hours there that day. But I screwed up on the board twice. Pushed the wrong button to start the wrong element. I caught it pretty quick, so I was able to stop it and start the other one...but that was the first time I have ever done that, and I did twice in one night. You know...it happens, and I think that's been one of the hardest things for me to understand and accept. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to things I love, and I hate that something like that would go wrong on my shift. Anyway, moving up to weekend days was a big step for me...then I filled in around the holidays for mid-days and afternoon and even mornings. It was great. Now I'm on the 80's every other weekend, which is 4 hours of requests, so I think I really have moved up. I've filled in for mid-days a few times while we were looking for a new mid-day personality, and I get the question from people I know, "Don't you get nervous before doing your request hour?" I look at them like their crazy. I say to them that I do 4 hours of requests on Saturdays and have 1 if not 2 contests during the show. The mid-days is a piece of cake compared to that. So, my run at the station has been pretty good to me...I have improved more then I thought was even possible when I first started there. The positive feedback I get from not only the listeners, but my co-workers and PD, just make me feel like it was all worth it. So, everything happens for a reason, right? I'm a pretty religious person when it comes to church and such. I don't go every week because sometimes I just can't make it...but I am pretty religious. I kind of wonder if God is telling me that it's great to have a job that you love, but you need some company once in awhile. I'm going through a time where I'm just beyond stressed, and am just ready to give everything up, and everyone tells me that "you'll be done in May, it's almost over." I want to believe them, but it's not easy. I actually start to have a social life, and I think I'm doing it more for my sanity then anything else. I'm going out with some friends this weekend and a day next week. I'm helping them keep their sanity too. Then there's my mind constantly wandering off to think about "him" :) That doesn't make school any easier. Senioritis and all. But, all in all, I know the only way I'm going to make it until May is by having my friends by my side. They all push me and it's going to help me make this last month in a half work for me. So, everything happens for a reason, right? The job, the friends, the guy, it's all there for a reason. When I want to scream and cry and pull my hair out...it's all there :) I have a few poems I thought I'd share with you, let me know what you think: Walk With Me Walk with me, the path of life, to explore every bend of the road. Enjoy with me the beauty of life, along its wonderful way. Find comfort with me, in each other's arms, when grief crosses our path. Find strength with me, in each other's strength, when despair lies in wait. Laugh with me, a single true laugh, to enlighten another's distress. Cry with me, a single true tear, to understand true happiness. Cherish with me, the wonders of life, as they need to be preserved. Rejoice with me, in the mysteries, of what is yet to be. Find peace with me, in each other's souls, when the wold has gone insane. Find love with me, in each other's hearts, until this life has bee fulfilled. And when the path comes to an end, I hope we ca say from within. We've known the beauty of true love, our love came from within. Times In Love There are times when words aren't enough feelings can't always be put into words; because they are inadequate and often escape us sometimes, they are only feelings. There are times when all you need is a look; a silent, wordless connection between souls an understanding that needs no translation a natural, knowing stare that says everything. There are times when all you need is a touch; nothing spoken - just the gesture of reaching out touching, silently transferring your energy conveying something that comes from within. There are times when all you need is acceptance to know that you are valued as you are that any changes make only enhance you more as you discover yourself. There are times when all you need is love no conditions or demands, only simplicity. To know that for no reason at all another chooses you over all others. There are times when all you ever wanted, was to be completed by another person. There are times when you need all of these things there are times when nothing else matters. The Best Chance Every building that's built Will someday come down It will age, it will buckle It will crash to the ground Every car that we drive Will someday just die The engine, the brakes The gast tank runs dry Every shirt that we purchase All the clothes that we wear They will fade and unravel They will stain, they will tear Every tree that's above us Never matter how tall It's time too will come And then it will fall Every day that was wake When the sun shines so bright We're sure we can count on The darkness of night Nothing lasts forever So it seems to be true But nothing's ever had a better chance Than what I feel for you A Special Place There is a special place in life, That needs my humble skill, A certain job I'm meant to do, Which no one else can fulfill. The time will be demanding, And the pay is not too good And yet I wouldn't change it, For a moment -- even if I could. There is a special place in life, A goal I must attain, A dream that I must follow, Because I won't be back again. There is a mark that I must leave, However small it seems to be, A legacy of love for those Who follow after me. There is a special place in life, That only I may share, A little path that bears my name, Awaiting me somewhere. There is a hand that I must hold, A word that I must say, A smile that I must give For there are tears to blow away. There is a special place in life that I was meant to fill. A sunny spot where flowers grow, upon a windy hill. There's always a tomorrow and the best is yet to be, And somewhere in this world, I know there is a place for me.

Some Thoughts...

Well I've been waiting just about all day to write this post. So now's as good a time as any, right? Yeah...notice it's kind of early yet again. So I think my PD likes to torture me...lol...no really I'm just kidding...don't tell him I said that...lol. I was called in to work the overnight...it's going to be a VERY long day for kimmie!! I go home at 6 to try to get some sleep, then working 4-7 then 8-midnight. It's going to be a long day to say the least! It's an All 80's Saturday Night though...we always have fun during that...so make sure you make your requests tonight! So these thoughts I had were not really related to my PD trying to torture me or anything :) I was just generally thinking during classes today (yeah senioritis has finally caught up with me) and it's always scary when you get me thinking. Most of you know that it can be a dangerous situation. :) Anyway, I got to thinking about dating. You know...I really don't see the point of the whole thing. I know that might sound bad, but hey it's my blog and I can talk about anything I want. lol...what's the definition of dating? It's a verb and it means to go out with someone. Yeah...that was hard to figure out...I looked it up on line :) So what do you generally do on dates? Dinner/movie...something like that usually...okay, that's fine. What else should you be doing on dates? No...contrary to popular belief, the answer is not making out. You should be getting to know the person, right? That's the purpose of dating, is it not? Get to know someone else and see if you enjoy their company. Yeah I know...I'm smart, I figured that out all on my own. So apparently, according to the definition of dating, you have to actually physically go out and do something. Well with the Internet the way it is today, more and more people are meeting people online. The problem is, it's happening to kids too...that's a whole other story which I don't want to get into now. But, I've met a few people online before and it's just not the same as physically meeting someone and being able to talk to them before you decide that you have enough in common to go out and get to know each other better. So back to my point about dating. Friday and Saturday nights are what many food places would call "prime nights," same with movie theaters. They live on those days...I think it's a rip-off. Have you seen the prices of movie tickets lately? It's astrinomical. We don't have a choice but to pay it if you want to go out on a date, or even just go as a family to a movie. Trust me, I'm not against dating at all :) Sometimes I just have to go off on these speals because it was on my mind today. Bottom line...I think it's become extremely pricey to take anyone out anymore. But we pay it don't we? I just like being with a person. We don't have to be paying all this money or doing anything extra special. My definition of date probably wouldn't be a verb, because we don't have to be doing anything. I just enjoy someone's company. Anyway...I don't know if anyone at all agrees with my take on dating...but hey with senioritis kicking in, I have to think about something...lol. Just don't get me wrong...I'm not against dating...I always like spending time with someone :)

Huh?

Yeah...the title pretty much says it all. Just been one of those weeks I think. You know, sometimes you just have one of those weeks where you do everything you can and want but it still doesn't feel like you've done it all. I don't know if I make any sense right now, but it's almost 11 at night so I have an excuse. Anyway, I have 5 classes tomorrow starting at 9:30, and I still don't feel like I'm ready for them. I probably forgot to do something, it wouldn't surprise me at all. On to the internship side of things...had some good feedback this past week from Jeff and Dave (my co-workers). They really like my writing. I never think my writing is good enough, so I guess it's good to hear positive feedfback like that. Jeff even asked me today if there was ever a time I would be able to work a full day if he wanted a day off. You know, I'm really starting to enjoy it!! I like that it's something different everyday. I might stay in news after all...but I honestly don't know what I'll do if I have to choose between the two. It's something to think about long and hard...what do I really want to do with my life? It's a question that has been torturing me for the past few months. My sister's having some hard times in her senior year of high school this year, and I think back to high school myself. I hated it...I didn't know how my older sister could be 4th in her graduating class. I hated schoolwork and everything associated with it. Then I entered H-Triple-C and I think it was the best decision of my life. A community college that offered the amazing Radio/TV program (Jeff went there too...same graduating class). I loved the radio/TV club and going to NYC to go to all these television shows, I really was living out a dream up there. Came to Utica College and left some truly amazing people at Herkimer. Hardest thing I ever had to do. I made some more amazing friends, and last semester made Dean's List (first time since my first semester at HCCC)...I was so excited. I'm at a 2.6 right now...hoping to raise it to a 3.0 by semester end. But I've looked back at high school and how relieved I was to just be graduating with my class, now 4 years later, I'm amazed that I actually made it. There have been so many sacrifices though. I haven't been the kind of person to open up to anyone. Very few people have actually been able to see inside of me. Trust me, I'm an emotional person, but one something hurts me deep down, not many people get to see that part. It's been probably about 10 years since my grandma passed away. I locked myself in my room for hours at a time and cried. I cried at the funeral, but that's the only time I let people see me cry. Granted I was 11 or 12 at that time, but I hurt so bad. I didn't know anything could make me feel such pain. Then there was the time I had an extremely awful co-worker. I couldn't stand her, no one really could. She drove me nuts, but I wasn't the type to say anything to anyone, until it literally made me sick. I would come home from work and cry for hours. Then that led into panic attacks and I knew I had to say something. She eventually left, but it was a hard time for me. Bottom line, not too many people get to look inside and see the real me. That's a con for me. I could put on a front and someone wouldn't know, but look me in the eyes and you'll find your answer. This all comes out of me really wanting to have some kind of social life. Since I've started college it has been craziness in my life and I haven't had time for anything or anyone. Don't get me wrong, I love my jobs and I love school in some sense, it's just my life feels so one sided at times. I have this great future and career ahead of me...but what then? I always said I wouldn't settle down until I got to where I wanted to be in my career. I didn't want love to get in the way of that. I still don't. I still want to make it somewhere someday, but I'm beginning to think that I need to see what else is out there. At least do something fun once in awhile. Everyone always says "it'll be different after May." I know their right, but who knows where I'm going or what I'm doing. Kind of a hard thing to think about. Try it sometime. What would your life be if you weren't where you were today or doing what you are doing today? I've decided pretty much today to focus on the present for the moment. I'll just go wherever God wants me to go. My life has alwyas been in his hands, I think it's time I realize that. If I don't get a job somewhere, then it must have been in his plan. If I don't have much of a social life, then maybe he's telling me to just focus on what I'm doing now. Making it through and graduating, then meeting a great guy or going somewhere in my career. I guess we'll just see...

A Few More...

Hey there again!! It's been an interesting couple of days around here. I'm back up to 100 percent in the way that I feel, that's the good news...bad news, I have so much homework to do on this downward stretch to graduation. A 20 page paper, a 10 page paper, presentations, the works. More good news is I actually kind of enjoy going to my internship now. I've gotten to interview people and do my own stories and I get a rush, much like the one I get when I open the mic to talk. It's crazy, I know, but I love it. Anyway...one more poem to share, the inspiration was just there, so I had to...remember I'd love your input!! The Guy ~Dedicated to you--you know who you are~ The first time I met you I didn't know, The way I would feel with you there. We spent some time just talking, Nothing else in that moment could compare. Every time we talked I smiled, When you weren't there I missed you so much, I wanted to feel your lips on mine, And longed for your sweet touch. Your smile melted my knees, Your eyes made my heart beat. I began to get that feeling, That you made me more than complete. I dream of the time we get to cuddle up, On the couch and just be close. I'll breathe in your sweet scent, And get chills from my head to my toes. I'm falling for you more each day, I seem to have no control over it. But as we say in our little world: The first step is to learn to admit it!! :)

Writing...

Since I was a little girl I felt that writing helped me express myself. I often write poems to express myself. Right after September 11th happened, I wrote a poem that really kind of put me on the map. It was published in some local publications (including my high school yearbook). I have various poems that I thought I'd post up here and get your feedback on. I'm not posting all of them because some are too personal, but take a read and enjoy!! Expectations Life isn't as we all expect It doesn't go that way We have to make the most of it And take it day by day Have no regrets about the past And do not live in fear Of what might come and never does Just put your focus here Here in this moment, that's the place To make the most of life Whatever comes just turn it 'round Create some joy from strife I know you have that strength in you I've seen it there before Just draw on that to see you through Don't look back anymore It's Up To You One song can spark a moment, One flower can wake the dream. One tree can start a forest, One bird can herald spring. One smile begins a friendship, One hand clasp lifts a soul. One star can guide a ship at sea, One word can frame the goal. One vote can change a nation, One sunbeam lights a room. One candle wipes out darkness, One laugh will conquer gloom. One step must start each journey, One word must start each prayer. One hope will raise our spirits, One touch can show you care. One voice can speak with wisdom, One heart can know what's true. One life can make the difference, You see, It's Up To You! Cherished Friends God must have known there would be times We'd need a word of cheer Someone to paise a triumph Or brush away a tear. He must have known we'd need to share The joy of "little things" In order to appreciate The happiness life brings. I think he knew our troubled hearts Would sometimes throb with pain At trials and misfortunes Or some goals we can't attain. He knew we'd need the comfort Of an understanding heart To give us strength and courage To make a fresh, new start. He knew we'd need companionship Unselfish...lasting...true, And so God answered the heart's great need With cherished friends...like you. My Special List I have a list of folks I know... all written in a book, And every now and then... I go and take a look. That is when I realize these names...they are a part, not of the book they're written in... but taken from the heart. For each name stands for someone... who has crossed my path sometime, and in that meeting they have become... the reason and the rhyme. Although it sound fantastic... for me to make this claim, I really am composed... of each remembered name. Although you're not aware... of any special link, just knowing you, has shaped my life... more than you could think. So please don't think my greeting... as just a mere routine, your name was not... forgotten in between. For when I send a greeting... that is addressed to you, it is because you're on the list... of folks I'm indebted to. So whether I have known you... for many days or few, in some ways you have a part... in shaping things I do. I am but a total... of many folks I've met, you are a friend I would prefer... never to forget. Him We exchanged glances, and that one smile. Now your face clouds my vision, for quite awhile. We became friends, as if by fate. Deep down inside, it feels like you're my soul mate. But I'll remain your friend, if you'll remain mine. Maybe someday we'll be more, maybe it's some great design. It's so hard to understand, what is going on in my head. You're over there with your friends, and I long to be there instead. I long for your touch, and your sweet scent. That's when I know, I'll be more than content. But for now I'll remain, a friend to you. Until the day we may be, something better and new. Inspiration ~Dedicated to my boss Michele Kohl~ Looking you in the eyes exchanging that remark smiling at those words carrying on a conversation sending you that important e-mail Relying on you countless times We've laughed and you've been my inspiration I've opened up many times and let you see inside Something not many people see I still look you in the eyes and share those remarks and you seem to understand You're my inspiration-- in more ways than one. Someone I need to talk to, when all is going wrong. Despair ~a teenage poem about growing up in today's society~ I am filled with thoughts never ended I am filled with thoughts that consume my mind until it's about to explode I am consumed with thoughts of never being able to grow old In the world like the one today, the end to life may be waiting just around the corner A young youth with a gun and no experience Or a violent showing of one person's anger You never can be too sure of what's stored in the future For the world has gone corrupt with no solution In days like today there is little hope for society ever to be peaceful and little attempts to correct the wrong that is now done. Many people live their lives in fear of their own shadows Many are afraid of the unknown for it may be the unwanted People live their lives behind locked doors, afraid to face the world with open eyes. Because those who keep their eyes open are disturbed by what they see The world is going downhill fast The pollution, the violence, the substance abuse. The ill, the starved, the poor, the bigots, the anger, the sorrow, the grievance, the confused How did the world come to be so bad? Will the world eventually open their eyes long enough to correct the wrong? or willthe world become ever blinded? Children of the world need to see through all the wrongdoing and see a new light. A light of how the world should be, and how to get the world the way it has never been. The children of the future need to find a solution to the world's problem or the world will be lost in ever-long despair. Memories and Dreams The past is gone but the future remains I long to go back to my childhood days When life was so simple Not a care in the wrold Not having to deal with hate And people you didn't like I search for answers everyday To why my life brought me here this way The hugs from old friends The happiness brought by new friends The laughter at work The first kiss Never will be forgotten The memories always remain Dreams are the future Having to say goodbye to friends Not sure if you'll ever see them again The pain I feel no one knows The dreams I have are big Hopefully with them I will succeed But the memories will always be there To look back on When I'm feeling down The past is gone but the future still remains Stress What's that stiffness in my neck? Feel that lump come in my throat Stomach dropping to my knees Feel like I just missed the boat Panic rising to my head Heartbeat racing, breathing fast Cand I do it? Will I fail? How long will these feelings last? Apprehension overwhelms Nervous twitching, fingers curled Tension headache, aching back All these symptoms now unfurled Now my body's overrun Hormones racing from my glands Must release it, let it out How to do it's in my hands Lost our way of fight or flight Stored up anger, unreleased Words and shouting flung about Now it's time that raging ceased. Relaxation, that's the key Integration of the mind Excercise, good food to eat Leave those worries far behind Hold that stress out at arm's length Draw it, write it, let it go Roll it in a little ball Throw it out, release that woe. Find the tools you have inside Make a choice to be serene Welcome stress, become it's friends Don't put life in quarantine. Music Here all alone, With the stereo on, Lie back and listen until all else is gone. Lost in the music, Consumed by the sound, Singing along when there's no one around. Voices that move me, Emotions so real, Their words flow right through me, Their music I feel. It runs through my veins, And makes me feel whole, I feel their music with my heart and soul. Tired I'm tired. Tired of life, tired of me, tired of who I'm supposed to be. Tired of always being nice and watching what I say, Tired of holding in my feelings, and pretending it's okay. Tired of living day to day, and just barely getting by, Tired of keeping in the tears when I really want to cry. I'm tired of all this pressure and of always being stressed. Tired of everybody wondering why my life is such a mess. But most of all I'm tired of hoping things will change, Then being disappointedwhen they end up just the same. One In A Million One happy thought is the joy to life One lasting love is worth the sacrifice One adventure we have is off the cliff One life we live is a sane gift One view we see is a good creation One thing to be done is for appreciation One good reason is very clever One life-long friend is to be forever One lie is worth confessing One act of kindness is a million blessing As The Time Now Passes I've never felt this way before never felt some love The only greater love I've felt comes from up above Sometimes I'm not sure what to do or even what to say because as I said a bit ago I've never felt this way Should I laugh or should I cry but it would not be sadness for when a person feels this way the emotion seen is gladness I do not talk, I simply look and hope my eyes can speak the words my mouth can't find to say in a day or in a week And as the time now passes I wonder if they know how much they mean to me I fear it will not show And so I hope and I feel sure that those who need to see can see those feelings that aren't spoken those feelings inside me. I Know You ~Dedicated to my late grandmother! I miss you and love you!~ You've touched my life in many a way, helped me live though many a day, don't put the wrong meaning behind when I say I know you... You've filled my eyes with tears, filled my dark days with cheer, I will not wait a year to see you... My shoulder's here for you, when you're feeling blue, I may not know what to do but I'll listen... If I bring you a laugh, my day's better by half, some might think I'm riff-raff but not you... You're a true inspiration, honest, kindly and patient help me through my frustration and never complain... When I think that I've caused pain, or feeligns like cold rain, it sure drives me insane I love you... For all that you've done, what you've helped me become, you are second to none and I'm proud... Proud to have met you, I will never forget you, and I'll sure enough bet you I'm not alone... For each life that you touch, the effect is so much, stronger than the tightest clutch you're Immortal... Even though you are gone, although life moves along, when I hear that one song you'll be there... Angels low, I will think, when my heart starts to sink, I'll look up with a wink and say hi... Our lives have touched, our friendship means much, conversations gave such a warm feeling... Though the mortal form dies, I can tell you no lies, in this woman's eyes you're forever... Poem Of Life When's the last time you watched kids on a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain as it tickled the ground? Have you followed a butterfly's erratic flight, Stood and gazed at the sun as it faded to night? You had better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. Do you rush through each day as if on the fly, never catch up however you try? When the day is done do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? You had better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. Have you ever told your child, "we'll do it tomorrow?" And in your haste, not seen her sorrow? Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die because you never had time to call and say "Hi"? You had better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. When your running so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift just thrown away. Life is not a race. Do take it slower. Hear the music. Before the song is over. Comfort Zone I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I couldn't fail The same four walls of busy work were really more like jail. I longed so much to do the things I'd never done before, But I stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor. I said it didn't matter, that I wasn't doing much I said I didn't care for things like diamonds, furs and such. I claimed to be so busy with the things inside my zone, But deep inside I longed for something special of my own. I couldn't let my life go by, just watching others win. I held my breath and stepped outside and let the change begin I took a step and with new strength I'd never felt before, I kissed my comfort zone "goodbye" and closed and locked the door. If you are in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out, Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt. A step or two and words of praise, can make your dreams come true. Greet your future with a smile, success is there for you! Quiet Emotions ~Dedicated to you...you know who you are~ I always wanted more from you than you were willing to give; So now we've gone our separate ways each with different lives to live. The bond will always be there the friendship always intact; But the time for us has come and gone and the pages of time, you can't turn back. I will always be a friend to you and wonder how you are; The smiles and laughter I will remember and our fights have become painless scars. Sometimes on those busy days when you've a thousand things to do; Please let me glide slowly through your mind and spend some time with you. In that quiet moment when you're surprised to find me there; Just remember even with the distance between us I am still someone who cares. Why Why does the sun rise and give light, only to set again to soon? Why do stars twinkle so bright, only to pass away with the moon? Why does a rainbow appear with colors to show, only to fade for no apparent reason? Why does a flower take so long to grow, only to wilt during the winter season? Why does snow fall so mysteriously and lay, only to change and then melt? Why do people enter our lives along the way, only to leave us when they know how we feel? I guess noone will really know why, but God above. But we should be happy for all those creations we had some time to know and to love. You Were Always There ~Also dedicated to my grandmother who I miss greatly!~ Whenever I needed someone to talk to You were always there. My eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with pain, and You were always there. There was no time when I had doubt to come to you because You were always there. I could see in your eyes you wanted to help and that you really cared. Whenever I was down and blue You were always there. No matter my problems or what was wrong You were always there. Whenever I felt like nothing matters You were always there. Now you're gone and I don't know what to do I close my eyes and think of you and how You were always there. It's hard to look at the pictures and get memories of you Can you hear me now At night I pray and I speak to you. I gues you were right when you told me no matter how far you were You would always be there. I know one day I'll see you again but until then I have to say goodbye. Even though it hurts to hear your name and speak of you One thing I will always say is You were always there. That's it for the poems this time around! Stay tuned for some more at some point...I'm in the process of writing a few more poems and it should be up here within a week or so...let me know what you think of these ones or what you want my next post to be!!

The Start of a Dream

Hey, see I told you that posts would be coming more frequently now. lol...the only reason for this one is I'm sitting on my couch and feeling like complete shit :( Hardly got any sleep last night, I have a headache, the chills, aching all over, a fever...and more (if you know what I mean with that.) It's kind of weird. Last night I felt completely fine and then I try to go to bed and an hour later I'm up and feeling like this. It's probably the bug that's been going around. I know what you're thinking. Spring break is over and I just don't want to go back :) Not right though. I had every intention of going back today...but it looks like that isn't happening. I just hope I feel up to par for Tuesday because I have to go to my internship...I already didn't go on one day in February because I was sick, I don't want to do that again. Anyway, I have frequently been asked how I started in radio or what got me interested in radio. So to come today I answer all of those questions. If you are trying to break in or are just interested as doing it as a hobby, make sure you read this. Everyone does it differently, but I have some suggestions too. So I'll start at the beginning. I was a sophmore in high school when I became "obsessed" with a local radio station--a Clear Channel station (97.9 KISS-FM). I went to their "Survival Island" that they held that year and observed things. At that point I was only about 15 years old, so of course I was into guys. So one of the guys they had working for them was totally hot!! lol...seriously though. Anyway, I started listening more to the radio and I became a very lucky listener. I won just about every 30 days off of the station...in 2002 I won tickets to an *NSync concert, a Backstreet Boys concert, the TRL tour, and an O-Town concert. In 2002 I won tickets to a Mary J. Blige concert and a Sheryl Crow/Michelle Branch concert. Plus so many CD's I lost count. Also in between times I would win for other people. So because of that many of the DJ's began to know me by name. I developed a couple nicknames from them. Kenny, who is the promotions director and an on-air person, at the time was on in the evening with his co-host Roadrunner. I would call in to win something. They would ask who it was and I would say "Kim." Kenny would laugh and say "Dunner." Then the guy in I mentioned earlier (the "hot" guy) had his own nickname for me. Shaun (that's his name) would call me K-Dunne whenever I won from him. Anyway, I was hooked on "hanging out" with these people. Thus I got many of my friends doing it too...Steph, Amanda and Amanda were a few of my friends that I often would go up to the station with. So as time went on I gradually started to think that it would be cool to be on the radio and have people listening to you. So both Kenny and Shaun told me they had went to Herkimer County Community College to study Radio/TV Broadcasting and it was the best decision they had ever made. So I started to look in to HCCC. In my senior year, during this search, a whole bunch was happening in my "relationships" at the station. Kenny was so full of himself and was positive I liked him. He said some very mean things to me (which I'm not going to go into). Then Steph and Shaun started to date (I think they still do). And in the end, Steph and I stopped talking. We went to HCCC together and we're both at UC together now, but we don't talk very often. So by the end of high school, I didn't talk to anyone at the station anymore and I didn't win anything from them. Fast forward to HCCC. It was the best decision I had ever made...for many reasons. I took many classes in both audio production (using Cool Edit Pro) and television production (using Avid Editing) Plus Sales classes and all of those fun legal classes. So in my freshman year there, I was online one day and I was contacted by Peter Naughton (the Program Director of Lite 98.7 at the time). He had left me a message and asked me to e-mail him sometime because he was looking for part-time people at the station and he previously employed people from HCCC. So we exchanged a few e-mails and then I went in to have an audition. Of course I totally sucked at that. lol...but in my senior year I was hired mainly for overnights. I did overnights for about a year before moving in to days. You should listen to air checks that I did when I first started and listen to them now...sounds like a totally different person in my opinion. Then soon I was on during the holidays when the full-timers were off and then I started to fill in for mid-day and afternoon drive, and that brings us to the present, where I'm working every weekend and alternating working the all 80's Saturday Night. So now as I promised to those reading this that want to break in to the business, some suggestions that I have come up with. For one, if you bomb the audition process, it's not the end of the world. Befriend those at local radio stations (it didn't work for me) but it could lead to an internship or a job at some point. Or they may give you some life changing guidance. Practice your speaking skills. Know how to say W (double-you). Lastly if you have the ability to make a demo tape/CD on your computer, then do that. Just something that shows that you can talk and know the format of the station that you are applying for. So that was my experience at becoming a DJ, a dream that did come true...to end the post, I'll say that I saw Kenny in the store around Christmas and he acted as if nothing had ever happened between us. He said he listens to me now. My mom suggested that it's because I'm more mature and am doing what he does now. I didn't give him the time of day...I said "Hi" and walked away. Hey if you have any questions, feel free to ask me! Lastly, being that I'm under the weather today, there will probably be another post coming, so stay tuned!

Another Overnight

Well I guess when someone does back to back posts very early in the morning two days in a row, you begin to wonder if they have a life...lol...well trust me I do, but I'm bored. Yeah...I'm on an overnight at the station, it's so much fun!! (Can you sense the sarcasm?) I love my job...really I do...but sometimes on these shifts I have to keep telling myself that! I work midnight to 6 then I go home and sleep for 7 or 8 hours and it feels like I waste my whole weekend away. I have to go back to classes tomorrow. Senior year spring break is over...kind of depressing. It's a down stretch until graduation. I know it won't come fast enough, but once it does, what the hell am I gonna do? That thought keeps running through my mind. I guess I deal with the future when the future comes, right? Sometimes it's a scary feeling to not know what is going to be happening in 3 months. Any of you feel that way at one point or another? Yesterday I went to the Skating Club of Utica's annual ice show. For those of you that don't know, I grew up pretty much on ice skates. I took lessons for 7 years...I guess it helped that my aunt and 2nd cousin are coaches for the club. I loved it...I remember dressing up in those little costumes and getting so nervous before skating before judges in some dance tests that I took. So why did I stop you ask...it's so expensive. The skates you need could be $600 a boot. Then lessons and everything, it just got to be too expensive, and it also got to be to the point where I would have to skate everyday, and with school I just couldn't do it all. So I left some very good friends. Many years after that I went back every year to watch my friends skate and receive flowers in their "senior" performances. I couldn't help thinking that I wanted to be back out there. You know it was some time just for me. Being a middle child was so hard growing up. Skating was where I stood out. I got to do something totally different then my sisters. I felt a rush everytime I went out there...almost like the rush I get when I get ready for a talk break on the radio. So anyway, I was at the show. I didn't know anyone anymore (except for the coaches) and this time I didn't think as much about the skating part. My 2nd cousin is the announcer for the show. He's been a DJ on various radio stations in the past, along with coaching the club. I guess that part runs in the family. Now he does commercials for the most part (one which airs on our station). So this time I thought I should be up there announcing the acts too...lol. I just thought it would be fun. I guess the moral of this story is that I am still a skater at heart I think. I would love to get back on the ice. Of course I don't own skates anymore and I probably couldn't stand if my life depended on it, but I think it would be great to try to get back out there. I'll have to go out to an open skate sometime and skate again. It was one part of my life that I don't think was completely fulfilled in that sense. I lost touch with the friends I had made, but I've moved on...I just think I missed out...anyway, that was just on my mind tonight after watching the ice show. So who watches American Idol? I'm a big fan...big Carrie Underwood fan too. I know that was lat year...but she's awesome. Her CD is totally awesome so pick it up if you have the chance! Anyway, I guess I have to do some work now...depressing I know...but hey that's what I get paid for.

I'm Back!!!

I bet you thought I disappered off the face of the planet...lol. No really, I'm still around. Been really busy with my final semester at school and working tons. Filled in for mid-days a few times because our mid-day host left in December. I'm also alternating working the All 80's Saturday Night which is an all request show, so I'm doing well for myself right now. I'm also an intern at one of our sister stations, WIBX. I've been doing a lot of writing there, and interviewing people and the works. It's been fun...I don't know if that might lead to something more permanent when I graduate. If it does I'd have to leave Lite, and I don't know if I want to do that. The DJ part of me wants to play music. You'll never believe the rush I get whenever I open the mic and get to talk. Especially during prime listening times. You know people at work, home or in the car are listening. Maybe not hanging on to every word you're saying, but you know their there. Then you get to talk to the listeners on the phone, or see them at remotes. You'll never believe the feeling I got when for the first time someone called me up to make a request and actually said my name and that they loved listening to me. Anyway, going full-time anywhere in the business would be a great start for me, but I'm not ready to give up the DJ end of it yet...there's too much I want to do in this career. I guess we'll see what happens, and trust me I'll keep you posted. I'm still stuck on overnights once a month, but they have no one else to fill it now, so you do what you have to do, and I'm the youngest person there, so I guess in some sense it's only fair. I have to pay my dues, just like everyone else has done. I don't mind too much, it just ruins my weekend. Classes are going okay. Spring break was this past week, I visited my sister and her boyfriend out in Boston for a few days, but came back in time to have a station meeting and do that important stuff as well. Everyone around me has a cold, so I think I'm bound to catch it at some point. Try being on the radio with a cold...been there done that...sounded like shit!! :) Anyway, the guy in my previous post all the way back in December didn't work out in case you were wondering. Try two shy people together, he was just too uncomfortable...it was the LONGEST night of my life...lol...he now has another girlfriend. We're friends and talk on line often. There is another guy who has been getting a lot of my attention lately...I'm not going to say anything yet, but stay tuned, there's bound to be something!! Anyway, gotta go do work or something...stay tuned for posts...I promise this time!