Well...

You know, sometimes things just happen. There has to be a reason for it or else it probably wouldn't. That's how I got the job at the station...it just happened. Am I thankful it did? Of course! I had heard how hard it was to actually "break" into the radio business. Things are dying down because of satellite shows and satellite radio. Not as many people are hiring full time people, or even part time people anymore. Although the job was kind of handed to me in some sense, it doesn't mean I didn't work at it. I started on overnights and spent just about a year doing that. I knew I had to start somewhere...and so I did it. Not many people really started to hear me until I finally moved into days. I worked Saturday afternoons and sunday afternoons once in awhile. Then the feedback started coming from people I knew. Everyone thought I sounded good. Then the feedback I get now...people say they didn't know it was the same person who was on the air 2 years ago. People say I sound more mature then I used to...well my answer is...you have to start somewhere. Of course I grew...as my first job in radio, it was expected that I wasn't going to be great when I opened the mic and started to talk. I was nervous as hell!! You know...when I first get into that studio for my shift I get a rush, but I also get nervous. That feeling hasn't gone away. Something about having the control of the radio, and then if something goes wrong...I used to be terrifyed that something would go wrong on my show. That doesn't bother me anymore...shit happens. Let's take this past weekend for example. My overnight show that I was called in for was fine. I sounded tired but I couldn't help it. Who's listening anyway? Well a few people are...but anyway, then came the 80's show. I was even more tired for that because I only had 6 hours of sleep and was working 11 hours there that day. But I screwed up on the board twice. Pushed the wrong button to start the wrong element. I caught it pretty quick, so I was able to stop it and start the other one...but that was the first time I have ever done that, and I did twice in one night. You know...it happens, and I think that's been one of the hardest things for me to understand and accept. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to things I love, and I hate that something like that would go wrong on my shift. Anyway, moving up to weekend days was a big step for me...then I filled in around the holidays for mid-days and afternoon and even mornings. It was great. Now I'm on the 80's every other weekend, which is 4 hours of requests, so I think I really have moved up. I've filled in for mid-days a few times while we were looking for a new mid-day personality, and I get the question from people I know, "Don't you get nervous before doing your request hour?" I look at them like their crazy. I say to them that I do 4 hours of requests on Saturdays and have 1 if not 2 contests during the show. The mid-days is a piece of cake compared to that. So, my run at the station has been pretty good to me...I have improved more then I thought was even possible when I first started there. The positive feedback I get from not only the listeners, but my co-workers and PD, just make me feel like it was all worth it. So, everything happens for a reason, right? I'm a pretty religious person when it comes to church and such. I don't go every week because sometimes I just can't make it...but I am pretty religious. I kind of wonder if God is telling me that it's great to have a job that you love, but you need some company once in awhile. I'm going through a time where I'm just beyond stressed, and am just ready to give everything up, and everyone tells me that "you'll be done in May, it's almost over." I want to believe them, but it's not easy. I actually start to have a social life, and I think I'm doing it more for my sanity then anything else. I'm going out with some friends this weekend and a day next week. I'm helping them keep their sanity too. Then there's my mind constantly wandering off to think about "him" :) That doesn't make school any easier. Senioritis and all. But, all in all, I know the only way I'm going to make it until May is by having my friends by my side. They all push me and it's going to help me make this last month in a half work for me. So, everything happens for a reason, right? The job, the friends, the guy, it's all there for a reason. When I want to scream and cry and pull my hair out...it's all there :) I have a few poems I thought I'd share with you, let me know what you think: Walk With Me Walk with me, the path of life, to explore every bend of the road. Enjoy with me the beauty of life, along its wonderful way. Find comfort with me, in each other's arms, when grief crosses our path. Find strength with me, in each other's strength, when despair lies in wait. Laugh with me, a single true laugh, to enlighten another's distress. Cry with me, a single true tear, to understand true happiness. Cherish with me, the wonders of life, as they need to be preserved. Rejoice with me, in the mysteries, of what is yet to be. Find peace with me, in each other's souls, when the wold has gone insane. Find love with me, in each other's hearts, until this life has bee fulfilled. And when the path comes to an end, I hope we ca say from within. We've known the beauty of true love, our love came from within. Times In Love There are times when words aren't enough feelings can't always be put into words; because they are inadequate and often escape us sometimes, they are only feelings. There are times when all you need is a look; a silent, wordless connection between souls an understanding that needs no translation a natural, knowing stare that says everything. There are times when all you need is a touch; nothing spoken - just the gesture of reaching out touching, silently transferring your energy conveying something that comes from within. There are times when all you need is acceptance to know that you are valued as you are that any changes make only enhance you more as you discover yourself. There are times when all you need is love no conditions or demands, only simplicity. To know that for no reason at all another chooses you over all others. There are times when all you ever wanted, was to be completed by another person. There are times when you need all of these things there are times when nothing else matters. The Best Chance Every building that's built Will someday come down It will age, it will buckle It will crash to the ground Every car that we drive Will someday just die The engine, the brakes The gast tank runs dry Every shirt that we purchase All the clothes that we wear They will fade and unravel They will stain, they will tear Every tree that's above us Never matter how tall It's time too will come And then it will fall Every day that was wake When the sun shines so bright We're sure we can count on The darkness of night Nothing lasts forever So it seems to be true But nothing's ever had a better chance Than what I feel for you A Special Place There is a special place in life, That needs my humble skill, A certain job I'm meant to do, Which no one else can fulfill. The time will be demanding, And the pay is not too good And yet I wouldn't change it, For a moment -- even if I could. There is a special place in life, A goal I must attain, A dream that I must follow, Because I won't be back again. There is a mark that I must leave, However small it seems to be, A legacy of love for those Who follow after me. There is a special place in life, That only I may share, A little path that bears my name, Awaiting me somewhere. There is a hand that I must hold, A word that I must say, A smile that I must give For there are tears to blow away. There is a special place in life that I was meant to fill. A sunny spot where flowers grow, upon a windy hill. There's always a tomorrow and the best is yet to be, And somewhere in this world, I know there is a place for me.