Stress Has Made Its Apperance

So you know I'm a senior in college, right? Do you know what that feeling is like? Maybe you haven't had that experience yet, or if you have, do you remember it? If you do...you knew it had to hit sooner or later, right? I've been very concentrated and very focused up to this point. Making Dean's List last semester really showed me that I could do it when I focused on it and put my mind to it. 3 weeks left until classes are over, then there's finals. Some people are saying great you made it...blah blah blah...yeah it's nice to hear...but that doesn't get the work done. About this time around the end of every semester I start to get really emotional and really stressed. My panic attacks always seem to kick back in, and at least once a week I have to lay on my bed and just let it all out. See I'm not a very vocal person when it comes to my feelings...never have been. It's caused problems before for a lot of different reasons. I have to work through many issues myself. Sometimes I'll talk to friends and they'll be my shoulder when I need it, but often I lay on my bed and just cry. I have to...it's the only way for me to release the stress. I get up a little while later and I'm better and I start working again. Sound weird? Yeah probably...but it's the only way I know how to make it through. So stress is starting to rear its ugly head. I'm realizing that it's almost time to graduate. Then I play the What If game. What if I don't get a job after graduating. What if I don't find a place to live. What if I'm not ready to work full-time. It's scary. Anyone that's had to go find a job knows that. I was terrified when I was 18 or 19 and walked in to audition for a part-time position on Lite. I think I'd be totally more then prepared to do it again now...but I was young and had never worked for radio before. Now I have it on my resume coming out of college and I have air check tapes. I'd be hired over another person just walking out of college and looking for their first gig...you have to start somewhere. So as the What Iff game dies down I realize that there is no way I am going to get everything done that needs to be done. Okay...I say that, but realistically it's crunch time and you might not see me as much over the next few weeks. I know when I need to buckle down and get work done. But as stress begins to creep in and make me totally emotional I know that I can't let it control me this time around. If it does then it wins and I will never get things done in time to graduate. So I will take time this time around for myself. I'll have a good time after finishing something. I'll let myself enjoy the last few weeks of college. Just be aware that there are going to be times I am going to be a flat out bitch...it's nothing personal, it's just stress...I think it makes everyone crazy!! The senior stress queen...until next time!!