Here Again...

So I finally show my face around here again. Was going to check in last week, but work kept me very busy...among other things. So hope you had a great Thanksgiving and was able to spend it with the ones you love. Just a few updates...I worked a lot. Was on the air Wednesday and Thursday filling in for vacationing people over the holidays. Friday I went out for WIBX on Black Friday to cover shopping. Was out at the mall at 4:30 in the morning...yes...I was insane!! Traffic was nearly impossible to navigate around 6. The plus side is, I did 6 live remotes for WIBX and everyone that had heard them said I sounded great...so I think that's good that my boss now knows I can do it. Maybe I'll get more on air work because of that. Not thinking it'll happen, but I can wish can't I? I actually had a conversation with my boss over at Lite about a few things. In a nutshell, it was about me not getting the hours when people took days off...and you can say that it's not up to me whether I get the hours or not...it's up to my boss...and trust me I know that. I was irritated and kind of upset that back in September he told me that I would get any extra hours that became available...and then a few weeks ago I didn't get them...so yes I was upset. I think we're ok now though, I think we came to an understanding, and we're still speaking to each other which is good. I don't like having to confront a boss, but I thought it should be out in the open. So that's that for the time being. I'm going on a mini-vacation this weekend and I really can't wait! I don't get to see Rich for two weeks which is going to literally kill me...but I need to get out of this place for a little while. So that's the update for the time being...nothing else to report on for a little bit...until next time...see ya!!

WEEEE

So like the new banner at the type of my page? That would be compliments of my boyfriend. I'm not artistic enough to do something like that myself...lol. So anyway, I've been working my ass off lately...getting really tired of dealing with news. This week hasn't been too bad...the meetings have been pretty short and they aren't the same things that I hate covering. It's been a big budget week around here...so that's kind of interesting in a sense. I haven't been in that great of a mood this week...one of my bosses has irritated me, plus I think I'm coming down with a cold. My throat has been killing me for three days, my nose runs off and on throughout the day and I sneeze and cough...it's really quite annoying...and just makes my days even worse. I did however get most of my Christmas shopping finished yesterday...so one less thing I have to worry about. Nothing else really going on...I'll probably put an update up next week around the holiday time if I get some time between working.

Election Day 2006

So Election Day is finally over. Something that probably pleases me more then a lot of other people. Obviously I'm sure people are happy to have the commercials done and know that changes have been made...hopefully for the better. My election day consisted of a really long night and a very tiring following day. It was fun to be out in the field watching the coverage and listening to the results coming in. The station was still hopping at 1 in the morning...which is very unusual for us...a real news staff was on hand to cover all major events. When I got tired around midnight I still ran on the high from the past few hours. News can do that. For me...that's become the only good thing about news. Meeting some great people and seeing the high it can give you when you cover certain events. Then there's the other side of it where you have to cover the hard things...like when I first started and a local police officer was killed...covering those news conferences was the hardest thing...plus I had just started in news...so for me it was a complete shock. I just don't think news is what I want to do full time...especially since they don't let me go on the air. That's my passion. I love being on the air. As I mentioned before, I get a rush every time I get to go on the air...that never changes. So holidays are coming up. I love the holidays...the smell from the baking I get to do, the peace of the snow blanketing the earth, the shopping for people I love, getting to see family...the holidays never get old. I love this time of the year...I get to be on the radio more then just weekends...so obviously I'll be keeping you posted about the holidays as they come upon us and about work...as for the full time job...didn't get the one I was really hoping for...now I'm at a loss. I've applied for many more...it's just a matter of hearing back from them. It's depressed me a little though...news is just not fun to go into anymore. But we'll see what happens...one thing I know for sure...I need a damn vacation!! Until next time, Peace...and stay warm!!

Update

This is just going to be one of those quick update things. I've been very busy lately...haven't had a day off in a few weeks. I do however get Tuesday off...so I get to go trick or treating with Rich and his daughter. I think that'll be fun and get my mind off of stuff I don't want to be doing anymore. Election day is just around the corner, and I dread having to cover them for WIBX. I'm gonna be at the station until at least midnight, probably later. And I'll have to talk to people I really don't want to talk to. I also joined a gym last week which I think might take some stress out of me. I need to get in shape anyway, and it'll get me out of the house during the day and giving me something to do in the winter when all you wanna do is stay inside and eat. So my diet officially starts today. That basically means no fast food, no snacks, no soda...I'm cutting it all out...I'm going to do my best to eat healthy. I'm actually going to the gym for the first time today. So I'm excited that I'm starting this. As for a full-time job, still working on that. Nothing has worked yet...but I haven't heard anything about the one I interviewed for. They haven't hired anyone yet though. So who knows...not me...lol. Ok...guess that was my quick update. Gonna finish my coffee and head off to the gym.

Is The Week Over Yet?

So this week has been hell to say the least. My God...I have been going through it in like a blur...just going through the motions and not really feeling anything or knowing what I've been doing. It's a week like this that I know I need to get a full time job!! Working my ass off this week at three jobs is just too much for me. It's finally started to settle down...I just have to make it through today...then I can relax tomorrow. One day off...before starting another hell session. I would be remiss not to point out though...that today I have an interview for a full time job. It's not in my field of Broadcasting...but it would get me started and I would make more money and get benefits...and to top it off...I'd be able to drop two other jobs. The job is actually at the place of one of my jobs...I'm a food service aide currently at LutheranCare...I have applied and am interviewing for an administrative secretary job. It would definitely get me on the right track. I would stay at Lite on weekends (not sure if I'd work Sundays though...think I might need a day off there somewhere). I would drop my food service job obviously, and I would drop WIBX. I know I have truly grown at both Lite and IBX...but lately...IBX isn't fun anymore. Apparently my stories aren't completely up to par...and it takes begging on my part to get my boss to finally sit down with me to go over them. How can I improve if I don't know what I'm doing wrong? So IBX is just unneeded stress right now. I dread everyday I have to go in there...who wants to feel that way about their job? The people I work with there at night...are awesome! I have to point that part out...so I'd miss them if I leave...but I have to start thinking about myself. It has been too long since I've actually sat down and said "What does Kim really want?" The answer to that question doesn't come too easy these days. I used to wonder what I wanted. I know back in high school...when I was this shy girl who wouldn't speak up if my life depended on it...all I wanted was to make it through and graduate. I was never a good student in school, almost completely flunking out of my 10th grade year. Math and Science were not for me...but when I took Creative Writing, Journalism and Public Speaking in my senior year...I was right at home. I determined I wanted to do something in that field or one related to it. Going to HCCC was the best decision I ever made. I made some life long friends and being in Radio/TV you had to talk...I opened up so much and at the end of my second year there when I was getting ready to graduate I was voted "Most Improved" at the Poobie Awards. It was at that point that I knew things were coming together and I would be ok. When I was offered a part time job at Lite 98.7 in November of my senior year...I was ecstatic. I mean...the number one station in the market, and they wanted me? Of course...overnights were very difficult, but everyone had to start somewhere. I look back at how much I've accomplished during the three years I've been at Lite. From overnights I moved in to Sunday nights, when they used to be live I did 8-midnight. That was hard, because the next morning I had an 8 o'clock class...which needless to say I didn't do too well in. From there I started filling in on holidays, when there weren't any contests or request hours to do. After that...I was doing some Saturdays and then some Sundays, and still doing overnights at least once a month. When our PD changed in September 2005, I still did the occasional overnight, and some Saturdays and Sundays again. In January of this year...I started filling in every other week for the All 80's Saturday night, which is a 4 hour request show. That gave me tons of experience on phones and requests, and after I graduated in May of this year I started filling in tons for people vacationing and while they were looking for a new mid-day person. So I am trained on every shift except for mornings...Mark can keep those...hehe. Now, I work every Saturday and Sunday, every holiday, and usually when people are on vacation. So that's my background at Lite...think I've grown? Oh yeah...not just as a person...but as a personality. Personality is everything for a DJ...and I've started to try to polish mine to sound unique and different. So that brings me back to the question..."What does Kim want?" I haven't actually thought about that for awhile. I'm not looking long term anymore. What do I want right now? I want a full time job for one. My student loans start up in December and as of now...I'm not going to be making enough to pay all of my bills. That's where the full time job comes in. What else do I want? I want to be able to hang out with my friends more often. As of now...I never go out or do anything because I'm working so much and either exhausted or don't have time. Another thing I really want right now is to be able to see my boyfriend more then just once a week. This may seem like a little thing to you...but I only see him at work. We don't get to go out and do anything, or just cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie. And every time I get ready to leave the station and know it's another week before I see him again...it becomes harder and harder. The final thing I want is a vacation. Not just a weekend vacation that's coming up in December for me...but a full blown week vacation from everything. Don't know where right now...but I don't just want it...I need it. I have been working since May of this year without getting more then one day off at a time, with a few exceptions. Many of those days I pulled doubles or triples, working at more then one job in a day. Would you be stressed? I sure as hell am. So wish me luck at my interview today...as you can tell, I need a full time job!! And I pose the question...is this week over yet? :-(

Where Did This Come From?

Ok...so there hasn't really been that much focus on school shootings since Columbine. So what the hell is going on this year? Three school shootings in the past week, and two more "gun in school" threats yesterday. Apparently 18 kids have died in school shootings since the beginning of school...and school started three weeks ago!! I don't know that I get it. Why do kids hurt other kids...or for that matter...why does anyone take the lives of innocent children? I don't think I'll ever understand why schools can't be safe anymore. That's all I'm gonna say...

Just Remember I Love You

Ok...so I've had a bad couple of weeks. Things have started to become a little better...but there are times lately where I just kind of feel like I'm alone. I just keep telling myself that things will get better. I know I have people around who love me...it's just I work so much that I don't get to see anyone that I love anymore. Ironically enough...on my way back to the station from an event I was covering a few nights ago, I heard a song that kind of hit home for me. It was on the station I work at...so I've played it before...but I guess the words never hit me as much as they did that night...and today it almost seems approprite after that deadly school shooting in Colorado today...anyway, the song was Firefall's "Just Remember I Love You." When it all goes crazy and the thrill is gone When the days get rainy and the nights get long When you get that feeling you were born to lose Starin' at your ceiling feelin' the blues Have you ever had that feeling that your life is spinning out of control? Ever just want to stay curled up in bed and let the world just pass you by for that one day? Ever wonder if your life really was worth anything? When there's so much trouble that you want to cry When your love has crumbled and you don't know why When your hopes are fading and they can't be found Dreams have left you waiting friends let you down Have you ever felt that everything around you wouldn't go your way? That the people you love really aren't there for you? Everything you used to dream just wasn't going to come true? Everything you've ever known that you wanted suddenly seems so far out of reach? Well just remember I love you And it'll be alright Just remember I love you All that I can say just remember I love you Maybe all your blues will fade away Know no matter where you are or what you're doing or how bad your life seems at the time, people are always there for you. People always love you. Someone out there is always thinking about you at some point in time. Maybe you need a lover and you're down so low And you start to wonder but you never know When it seems like sorrow is your only friend Knowing that tomorrow you'll feel this way again Ever had weeks of not feeling like you could escape? Just wanting to be with the people you love? Ever drown your sorrows in one way or another hoping the next day will be better then the last? When the blues come cryin' at the break of dawn When the rain keeps fallin' but the rainbow's gone When you feel like cryin' but the tears won't come Then your dreams are dyin' when you're on the run Ever feel like running away from everything but realize you have no where else to go? Ever stand in the rain so it would hide your tears and hurt? Just remember... Just remember I love you And it'll be alright Just remember I love you All that I can say just remember I love you Maybe all your blues will wash away No matter how hard a situation gets remember people love you. What is the point of doing something drastic to yourself or someone else? At least once during a day you cross the mind of another person. Doesn't mean you can't have your bad days...just means that everyone is loved. You may not know it...but you are. You just have to realize it.

Here Again

Today is pretty much just a day to get some poems off my chest...so read...enjoy...and figure out for yourself what they're about...

Missing You

My heart aches within from missing you,

My lips long for the feel of kissing you,

Right now all I need is to gently touch your skin,

To look into your eyes and see deep within,

Just one warm embrace,

Just to look upon your face,

Just one little touch,

From the one I love so much,

If I could gaze upon your smile,

For just a little while,

To know that you miss me too,

As I'm thinking of you,

To hear the sound of you breathe,

Knowing you'll never leave,

To see you walk up to me,

Then embrace you tenderly,

To just be with the one who's sent my heart reeling,

And brought about this downpour of emotion and feeling,

I sit here alone tonight,

And pray that somehow this all turns out right,

I've never been one to do more taking than giving,

I'm not well off but I work hard for a living,

I've told you many thoughts that weren't borrowed or bought,

And in lifetime, who would have thought,

That I have found someone who was just meant for me,

I can't explain the magic or why this should be,

But there is one thing that I know for certain,

That this just ain't over till one of us draws the final curtain,

For I've seen an angel and I want you to know,

If it's my choice to make, I'll never let you go,

Don't know what life holds, maybe there's no reason or rhyme,

To think you may be mine in a matter of time,

And though I cannot touch you and we are now apart,

My Love, you do dwell, so deep within my heart.

Long Distance Love

When it hurts so bad,

why does it feel so good?

I wish this all made sense,

I wish I understood.

Not having you here with me is tearing me up inside,

but I can't stop thinking about you no matter how hard I try.

You know how I feel about you,

and I know I want to spend my time with you,

but it's so hard to do when I can't even be next to you.

Why does it gotta be so complicated?

Loving you feels so right,

but at the same time,

knowing I can't have you keeps me awake at night.

I just want this to be simple,

I just want you here with me,

to look into your eyes,

be held in your arms...then I'd truly be happy.

Right now this distance between us is out of our control,

but I'm still hoping one day soon,

I'll get what I'm wishing for.

A Sunday

So Sunday's are generally boring for me...I'm working most of them now...and it gets so boring at the station trying to figure out what to do. It gives me time to think...but today that's the last thing I want to do. I'll get into that after I explain the week I've had... Tuesday I had to work primaries for WIBX. That was actually exciting and I was live on IBX for the first time...I felt the same rush I do when I get ready to go on the air for Lite. Anyway, I worked mid-days on Tuesday first, then came back in at 9 and worked until midnight...which was kind of cool because I worked into my birthday which was Wednesday. Everyone wished me a Happy Birthday at midnight...so that moves me into my birthday. Had kind of a relaxing day...I opened my presents before I went back in to work...then I came home and had some cake...which was awesome. Thursday was stressful...on 4 hours of sleep I had to work 6-2 and then had to go back in at 4:30...needless to say I slept good after that day. Friday I was off and did some cleaning and stuff around the house that I had been meaning to do but hadn't had time to do. Back to working Lite yesterday, today, all next week and again next Saturday and Sunday. So that's going to be a busy week coming up. But that was generally my busy week in a nutshell...2 doubles last week...and on day 2 of a 20 day working stretch. And as I mentioned it's a Sunday. Sometimes I actually look forward to a Sunday. It's piece and quiet...away from everything...just have the music going in the background and a book to read, sometimes I do some thinking. Today, I want to stop thinking. No good can come from thinking today. I want to say I'm confused and that's why I'm thinking so much...but I don't think that is completely the truth. I guess first I should mention that I'm a very emotional person...I cry during movies all the time...some songs will make me cry if they remind me of an event or person. When I get upset with my parents...I don't get mad and slam doors...I cry...it's just a part of me. Well last night I laid in bed and thoughts started surrounding my head...but I was tired of enough that I was able to go to bed pretty quickly. This morning...woke up and played some of my Game Cube...then started thinking again...and some of things I was thinking started to upset me. I don't know what my problem is today. Maybe it's because I'm now 22 and I do wonder where my life is headed. I love my job...and not many people can say that about their jobs, but yeah I feel like I'm being used sometimes. Many people in broadcasting can vouch for that feeling. I love my boyfriend and am happy when I'm around him...and not many people can say that they get the feeling. Maybe I'm upset because I don't get to see him more often...leaving him becomes harder and harder...maybe I'm upset because a lot of the time...we only get to see each other when we're at work. Neither of us can afford to keep driving back and forth with gas prices the way they are. Maybe all of these things combined are starting to make me skeptical about what I really want. I wish I knew exactly what I wanted. One thing I know is I want to stop thinking. For the most part I'm happy with where my life is...I don't have a full time job, which is the one thing I'm lacking right now...but I have a few part time jobs that I really love doing...I just wish my mom would stop nagging me about getting something full time...right now I'm fine. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months...and he's the one person that is able to keep me sane when I pull double or triple shifts. So you see...I'm happy for the most part with my life...so you wonder why I'm getting upset or doing all this thinking? I don't know...maybe it's because it's a Sunday and I have nothing else to do. No...that's not it...there's more to it...and that's what I'm hoping to figure out sometime this week...

9-11 We Will Never Forget

I would be remiss not to write a little on the five year anniversary of those fateful terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. If you noticed, in the post previous to this...which I also posted today, I didn't mention anything about the attacks. There's a reason for that. I'm not saying we shouldn't remember and reflect on the day that changed America forever. For me, there's a reason that I want to try to put the day aside and not keep bringing it up. It puts a damper on my birthday every year. Maybe you think that's selfish of me, and maybe it is, but the entire week is generally dedicated to 9-11. I have always looked forward to my birthday...it's my Christmas. And ever since my senior year in high school...that changed. Don't think that I don't reflect on what happened five years ago. Today I had the privilege of going to a couple 9-11 related events...and they were moving to say the least. But bottom line is...I do remember what happened...and I still remember those who lost their lives fighting for our freedom. Now I will post the poem that I wrote 5 years ago about the terrorist attacks. It was published in a few local publications...and is my best poem to date...so sit back, read and reflect on what 9-11 means to you and all Americans!!

Who Am I Kimberly Dunne I am no one special. I’m the little boy that gives up his favorite teddy bear so that a stranger might be comforted. I’m the single mother who has been trying to teach her child to sleep in their own bed, who holds them tight long into the night, thanking God it wasn’t her child that died. I’m the old man, angry and resentful that his military doesn’t want him because of his age. I’m the teenage girl that spends hours cutting ribbons for others to wear as a symbol of remembrance. I’m the young man who doesn’t understand why his father was running up the stairs as the building fell, trying to save just one more person, instead of saving himself. I’m the old woman who will never see her grandchild again. I’m the little girl, playing with her doll, who can’t understand when someone screams hateful things at her because of where her family is from. I’m the police officer, trying to keep idiotic reporters safe, when his wife is still among the missing. I’m the fire fighter that called in sick that day, only to discover that someone else died in his place. I’m the man who survived the falling building only to learn that his sister and baby niece were in the plane. I’m the secretary, angered by the seemingly callous response of those around her. I’m a spelunker, who is climbing down into the remains of a building, hoping to find someone still alive. I’m the dog handler, searching for bodies, that has to comfort my animal when only death remains. I’m the woman who stands in line for five hours in order to give blood, hoping to help strangers in need. I’m the man who gets up and goes to work every day, in spite of the tragedy, because he still has a family to feed. I’m the first passenger to get back on a plane, even though I’m terrified, because I know somebody has to be first. Who am I? I’m nobody special. I’m just an American.

Weekend & stuff...

So I had a weekend off this past weekend...I don't remember the last time I had a full weekend off. Trust me I treasured this past weekend because I have a feeling it's not going to happen again anytime soon. Let me explain...I didn't get the full time position on Lite. They did however hire one of the other part-timers which was the next best thing. Therefore, he's been moved to full time and we're down a part-timer and now I'll be working every Saturday and Sunday for awhile I think...I don't completely mind...but when I don't have another day off during the week, or I just get Friday's off, it makes for a very long week...and not enough time for myself. Anyway, that's the main reason I treasured this past weekend...another reason would be I got to spend it with Rich and Terry. Now I'm spoiled and I know Saturday won't come fast enough. Now I have to go back to only seeing him once a week...and that took a toll on me last month when we went a week or two without seeing each other. Ugh...yeah I know...it sounds lame...but I'm in love and there's nothing else that can be done about that. So primaries are tomorrow...gonna be a VERY long day for me. I have to do mid-days on Lite and then I have to cover elections...I'll be at one of the candidates for Senate headquarters. I get to do live updates on the air...so I'll be nervous about that...but at the same time excited. It's actually kind of fun being out amongst all the action waiting to hear poll results hearing the low buzz of anticipation. It's really a rush...although I will be at the station until well after midnight I anticipate...and that runs into my birthday...which sucks for me...but trust me...EVERYONE will know it's my birthday when midnight rolls around...hehe... Which brings me to the subject of my birthday!! hehe...yeah 2 days...get me something good!! lol...I'll leave it at that for the time being...but don't let me have to hunt you down to get my gift :-)

Concert Pics

Ok...I finally had time to scan all the pics of the Carrie Underwood and Alan Griggs concert in...so I am putting the best ones up here...let me know what you think! Some of them really came out awesome!!

Concert...

So I've been to a lot of concerts over the years. I'd say 15 or so over the past 6 years. I've been to pop concerts, rock concerts, rap/hip-hop concerts, but not once to a country concert, until last night that is. See I don't really consider the concert last night a complete country concert, but in some ways it was. Anyway...I hadn't been to a concert in almost a year...so it was time to make an appearance at one. I went to the New York State Fair and saw Carrie Underwood and Alan Griggs. I had never heard of Alan before...but he was really good. Carrie was awesome!! So it was a country concert...but Carrie did a couple covers of Guns 'N Roses...which was completely unexpected...but awesome! It shows a different side of her. I dragged Rich along with me to the concert...and he even said he had a good time...so that was good. So this past week and next week I'm going to be spoiled with seeing Rich 2 or 3 days a week...and then the more time I spend with him the more I miss him when he's not here...yeah I know...pathetic...but hey I don't care. I don't mind being pathetic. So anyway...moving on...Labor Day coming up on Monday obviously...and it's the Kim Dunne Labor Day Marathon Event on Lite 98.7...hehe. Yeah...I'm working Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Wednesday on Lite...so everyone gets to enjoy the sounds of Lite and Kim...hehe. What more could you want for your Labor Day? :-) Ok...guess I'm gonna go for now...Carrie and Alan pics will be posted hopefully tomorrow, but if not...it'll be on Friday...so check back for some great concert pics!

Local Train Accident

Ok...so the subject says it all...or does it? As mentioned, there was a train accident this past week...but it wasn't just any train accident. No one on the train was injured. That's the good news...the bad news...well look at the car in the pic... that's the car that was involved in the accident with the train. The question becomes, what the hell happened? No one really knows. All that is known is that 5 teens were in the car driving along...there were no gates or anything at the railroad tracks, there was only a stop sign, which I guess was partially hidden by a tree. It was about 6:30 at night...so it was getting dark but not completely yet. I don't know if the teens tried to beat the train or if they didn't know it was coming. How could you not know a train was coming? Wouldn't you hear it or see the lights, or something? I don't get it at all. One of the teens is dead as of now, and the other 4 or in local hospitals recovering, I think anyway. Haven't heard of any others dying well at the hospital. I just keep thinking that this is really weird. Now all over news is train safety this and train safety that. Yeah...well...I think they were just 16, 17, 18 year old teens that were just cruising along and thinking they were hot shit and could beat this train or something. I, along with many people I talk to, am compeletly baffled by what happened, and that's probably not good. I work in the news...I should know what happened. But bottom line...I don't...maybe the police can enlighten us at some point...

This Week

So it's been a weird week I guess. I had a horrible migraine yesterday which caused me to come home early from work and not go in at all today. So hopefully I'm back up to par by tomorrow. I think also knowing I still have a week in a half before I can see Rich again is starting to take it's toll. I guess especially when I don't feel good you get those moments when you just wish you could be lying in their arms doing nothing. That doesn't happen often enough these days. Anyway, I found this thing online from a friend...kind of "how you know you're in love" thing...I know I'm in love...but the things are so true!! 1) The idea of being away from them for more than a moment makes you sad...even if they're across the room you want to be holding them. 2) You'd bend over backwords just to see them smile. 3) You feel your heart race everytime their name comes up in your e-mail, IM or phone. 4) You'd wait a lifetime and honestly wait for the perfect moment to be with them. 5) You'd go through hell and back because you knew they were worth all the fights and tears in the end. 6) The idea of being with anyone else, looking at someone else doesn't cross your mind, you'd rather be with that one person. 7) There always on your mind and if you don't say goodnight or happen to talk for a day you spend the whole night thinking something's wrong. 8) You'd give up the one thing you know is right in this world if it meant they were happy even if it was with someone else. 9) You can honestly see forever with them and no one else. 10) The words I love you don't feel like they're enough to express what they mean to you. 11) You smile inside and out when you see them even if its been only 4 minutes since you last saw them. 12) You could stay up all night watching them sleep because your scared if you close your eyes they might turn out to have only been a dream. 13) Knowing your the reason they're sad breaks up inside even if it's just because they miss you...you want to do anything in your power to fix it. 14) You fall in love with them over and over everytime you kiss, hug, talk, smile at each other, or just reminded one another you care. 15) Even on the worst day of your life no matter how bad your days been, hearing their voice warms you up inside and might not make things all better but just for a moment you're happy again. 16) You drop your walls and let someone in even though if they hurt you it might kill you, you're willing to take that chance. 17) Everytime they kiss your neck or touch you in anyway you get chills down your back and a warm sensation takes over. 18) You'd sleep on a hard floor when you could be in a bed just because you want to be near them. 19) You know each others not perfect and love one another for their flaws as much as their perks. 20)Last but not least because even when they're not around, you know they're thinking about you and doing the same things you are for them for you :-) These things are so true!! Anyone in love or falling in love knows exactly where I'm coming from!!

Wowzers...

So my life is anything but easy right now :-( I pull at least one double a week usually...and not knowing about the full time job is starting to kind of make me all hyper and nervous and all that shit. I know I can't expect to get it...I don't have much experience...but if I don't...even though I expect that...I still would feel a sense of disappointment about it. As my mom stated...the worst that can happen is you keep doing what you've been doing. But that's the point...I'm tired of doing that! Tuesday and Wednesday of this past week I pulled 6 1/2 and 7 hour days working the news...yeah maybe those aren't even full time hours...but it was so freaking hot and the events were outside...I got home and was exhausted and hot and just wanted to be doing something else. I don't know if I could do news full time. I need something full time so I could drop 2 of the jobs and feel a sense of normalcy again. Then I also might get to see Rich once in awhile. As time goes on...it's been getting harder and harder to make it through a full week without seeing him...maybe it's just because this past week was so long and took a lot out of me. I would've loved to be able to just come home and relax with him...it seems to be the only time I get to relax. When I'm at home...I get bored so I have to be doing something...I generally am doing laundry or cleaning the house, or cleaning my room...or lately I'll exercise just to take my mind off of things. I don't think I ever realized it could be this hard...and often I wonder if it's worth it. I don't want that to come out the wrong way...I love him...I'm positive of that...and I would try to do anything to make it work...it just gets so irritating that we both have to work so much and don't even have time for each other. Or with that note...the gas money to see each other during the week...I realistically can not afford it...and that sucks...but nothing we can do about that...so all I can think of right now is to take it week by week...I don't know anymore...I really don't...

Yeah...another overnight...

You see...I can't not post an entry when I do my overnights...guess I get that bored. I've also determined that when I'm tired...such as when I have to do an overnight...I get very emotional and "clingy" in a sense. I guess it's just the fact that I'm able to do more thinking when I'm alone at the station. And me doing thinking...never a good thing. What do I think about? I can't exactly devulge that type of information...or I'd have to kill you. But you could probably guess what it involves. Moving on...this weekend has really sucked. Not because I've had two overnights...that sucks too, but I have seriously felt like complete shit since Friday...and I'm not exactly sure why. I don't know...maybe I'm skirting around a bug or something. I also think I was dehydrated from not drinking enough water. The heat could have been taking a toll on me lately too and I could have had heat exhausation...which makes me feel light headed and ache all over...so I don't know. The only thing I do know is I'm feeling 100 times better then I did on Friday. Still have a slight headache which just wants to hold on, but I feel better other then that. This is also the first time I actually considered calling my boss and telling him I couldn't go work. Even though it is an overnight and I hate those, I would have felt bad...so I'm glad I was able to make it for them both...plus an extra 6 hours isn't too bad when the pay day rolls around. I'm back to WIBX this week. Kind of depressing in a way because I've been spoiled working during the day and having my nights off. I've been able to watch some shows that I haven't been able to in awhile. However, I have missed working on IBX. I've also felt kind of bad. They've been shorthanded lately because I've been putting in all my time over at Lite. Covering some of the meetings gets really long and tiring, but then I have those other meetings that are kind of exciting and different and I get to meet new people. So now I know that if I don't get the full time position on Lite...it's not going to be the end of the world. I still don't mind working on IBX. I just would love having something full time which would give me my nights off and maybe not make me so freaking stressed. Anyway...the fun filled overnight continues...is it time to go home yet?

Yeah...It Doesn't Get Easier...

I'm happy. I don't get to say that too often...but lately I really have been happy. Not always...but tonight I'm happy, and I'm on an overnight shift. Yeah, exactly my point...who is happy working midnight to 6am? My boss was in a bind and he asked me to work both of the overnights this weekend. How can I say no? I mean I am up for a full time job there...so I can't exactly refuse to do it, without thinking it could jeopardize them considering me. So I'm here, and did I mention I'm happy? I just spent a day or so with Rich and Terry...so yeah, I can't help but be happy. At the same time I'm not. I got home around 6 so I could take a nap before coming into work. I layed there with my eyes open for probably about 15 minutes. I just wanted to be laying in his arms. I don't get enough of that. But I wasn't going to let that bring me down...it did at the time, but now I just look forward to seeing him later on today. You know I've heard from people that have to go through long distance relationships that as time goes on it gets easier to be without the person you love, but to that I have to say...I don't think so. Not for me anyway. I get to talk to him every day and that just makes me miss him more and want him more. As corny as it sounds, it's true. And as far as I can tell...he feels the same way. So I'm sitting here still suffering from a headache...listening to music...just kind of browsing the Internet and hoping the night will go by quickly because then I get to see him. Ok, am I going overboard here? God I can't help it. There's something addicting about being with him, not to mention I love him. I know there's not much else we can do right now as far as seeing each other more often. I do what I can, he does what he can...and that's it. So...I'm happy...but I'm also here to say it doesn't get any easier. Check in with me in about 3 days...I won't be so happy anymore.

RANT: Andrea Yates

Ok...I have to do this. I've been keeping my rants to a minimum...but this has to be said. The verdict for Andrea Yates came out today. For those that don't know, Andrea Yates is a Texas woman that drowned her 5 children. The first trial she was convicted and sentenced to life in jail but then a technicality gave her another trial, one which conluded yesterday with a verdict that I wholeheartedly disagree with. She was found not guilty by reason of insanity. She will be in a mental institution for her life, unless her case is reviewed and she is released. What the hell is that? She should be killed... Well I guess you know my point of view on the whole thing...but I do have a reason behind why I feel this way. From the day I heard about this woman drowning her 5 children in a bathtub I became very irritated and frustrated and several thoughts ran through my head. Why would you have children at all if you were going to kill them? Children are innocent beings...they never hurt her I'm sure. She claimed she did it because she was suffering post partum depression from her last baby. She also claimed that her husband forced her to keep having children. Maybe all this is true...but she wasn't completely insane when she killed her children. The nail in the coffin came when I found out that her oldest son found out what she was doing and he went running away from her. She chased him around the front yard to catch him and kill him. She knew exactly what she was doing when she chased him. Now this lady that doesn't deserve to live could get out of this mental institution if the doctors determine she is "well" again. She should either be sitting her ass in jail for the rest of her life or be on death row. So now you know how I feel about this verdict that was released today. Words can't really describe how upset I was when I heard this on the news. Nothing I can do about it though...just hope that she is committed for the rest of her life!!

The Day

Well this post comes only after having one of the best days I think I could have hoped for. The only problem is...it's over...and it ended too quickly. I got to spend the day with Rich and Terry, which I thought was pretty special to begin with. Although, it was also one of the first days I've spent almost an entire day with Terry...and yeah she can be a handful, but at the same time a loveable handful...sometimes. As we were driving around at the end of the day not able to come up with another thing to do, I couldn't help but start to think...and for me thinking leads to more thinking and emotions start to kick up and I realize that it's going to be another week before I get to see him again. I know relationships are a lot of hard work. I knew this at the age of 15...but at the age of 15 I wasn't working 3 jobs. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love what I do. How many people can say that they work at the number 1 rated radio station in the area? People listen to them every day and count on them to keep them entertained. I love it. If you knew me when I was in junior high, you would never have thought I would be able to entertain anyone on the radio, or anywhere. I was this shy little thing who just walked around and did what people told her to. I broke out of that when I went to school for Radio/TV. Now I couldn't imagine another thing to do. People say, "you can't live on that amount of money." Well yeah...but it's not about the money...it's about the passion. Anyone in radio knows where I'm coming from when I say that. So as I mentioned relationships are hard work. Long distance relationships...even harder. I don't know if you can call it a "long distance relationship" I mean I do get to see him every saturday...and he lives an hour or so away...but for me it's absolutely heart breaking (I guess that's the right word) knowing that I can't see him for another week. I get to talk to him every day online...but it's never the same. You can't share the same amount of joy or pain over the Internet as you can face to face. Sometimes I just want to be able to lay in his arms and watch a movie...that can't happen too often. We're both too busy for that. Then as I was thinking (never a good sign) more thoughts started in...I know there is a sense of responsibility that comes with being in a relationship with a guy who has a child. I'm not complaining...Terry has become very special to me. Yeah sure she wears me down everytime, but as long as she's happy and having fun...that's all that matters...she is a kid. But at the same time...it's very hard. I mean you don't get a lot of "alone time" or "down time" when there is a kid involved. That's just frustrating sometimes. You have to be careful what you do and be careful what you say. But at the same time...I don't always mind. I love spending time with Terry too. So as all these thoughts sort of collided...I got a little upset. I think being so tired also kind of makes me emotional. I knew I would be better in the morning...I always am after I get in a good cry. It's the one way I know how to release my feelings and frustrations. Bottom line is I was just happy to be able to spend a day with Rich and Terry...I wish something like that could happen more often...but we both know realistically that won't happen. But damn it I have to work tomorrow which also kind of sucks...that story for another time I'm sure...I need to go to bed and just dream...it's all I have right now...

Is It The End Yet?

Ok...I'm tired...tired of work, tired of home, tired of family, I'm just tired. 3 jobs have really started to take its toll. Granted I haven't been working at the nursing home very much lately...which is perfectly fine with me. But I have been filling in middays and a few afternoons on Lite...and working nights on IBX. Granted, they can't use me on IBX when I do middays on Lite for a week...but still it's starting to make me really tired. I guess I started to think about this a lot when I came home yesterday after working 9 hours and I was completely worn down. I mean I could hardly keep my eyes open and my body was running on empty. Brings me to the full time job... Had my interview a week ago. I don't know how it went really...I just know I was really nervous before it...but right now...what happens...happens. If it's not the right time for me to get a full time gig in radio...then it's not the right time. I know I've only been doing this for almost 3 years...it wouldn't surprise me if I didn't get the job. I think I could do the job...but we'll just see. But getting the full time would drop the other 2 for the time being. Did I mention that I'm tired? :-(

Just Thinking

I know it's been a little while since I've posted...I've been busy. In the middle of another 13 day working stretch. There has however been some exciting developments in looking for a full time job. The midday person on Lite decided to leave and therefore that leaves a full time opening...one of which I have applyed for. I don't know what kind of chance I have in getting it...but either way it's great experience for me to go through the interview process and see what it's like anyway. I have an interview set up for Tuesday and to say I'm a little nervous would be an understatment. I have to meet with 3 people. The first 2 shouldn't be a problem because I know them and think I'll be more comfortable with them. The 3rd one is out consultant who I've never met and according to my boss is going to ask some tough questions. I always get nervous before interviews. I keep running through my head what possible questions they could ask me and all that fun stuff. All I can say is we'll see...and I'll be keeping you posted on here. In the meantime I'm doing a lot of fill ins for middays and afternoons this month...good experience anyway. Moving on now...I've been so busy at work that I haven't had much time to see Rich...and that's probably the worst part. The time we do get to be together goes by way too fast and then one of us has to leave...and it's the worst feeling in the world. I was up for a day in half or so last week spending time with him and his daughter...then I had to come back to go to work. I knew I was going to see him a little later that day when he came up for work...which was great...but knowing that I wasn't going to see his daughter for awhile...that's become hard too. The thing that carries me through the week most of the time is knowing Saturday comes around and I get to see Rich. All I can say is it's hard to have a relationship when you don't get to see the person that much...I know many of you probably can relate. But I love him...and that's all that matters! :-)

Here I am...

So here I am on a Sunday after a nice litle nap sitting here and thinking, which is always a scary thought. I was spoiled and had Friday and Saturday off this past week. So because of that I shouldn't be complaining about having to work today. It wasn't a bad day...just tiring. We had a remote going on so that kept me busy for a little while. But boy was I exhausted. I know getting home at 1:30 in the morning might have had something to do with that...but I still got 6 or so hours of sleep. I've noticed a trend lately. I get much tired easier then I used to. I take more naps then I used to also. I guess that's welcome to the real world right there. Of course many people in the real world don't work 3 jobs and don't have to work 6 or 7 days a week. I got to see many of my family members and relatives and friends this weekend with my sister's high school graduation. Many of them all said the same thing, "Don't overwork yourself or burn yourself out." I normally reassured them that I was ok, but I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to get off my lazy ass to go into work anymore. Is that sad or what? I mean I've only been doing this for 6 or so weeks, and I'm already at that point. I ran into one of my old professors last week and she said I looked great and she was happy she got to watch me grow over the last 2 years that she's known me. But she said the same thing to me. Don't overwork yourself. She said "In a field like this, you can burn out really quickly if you don't take time away from it all." She was referring to the reporting end of things. I'm not covering those late breaking types of stories though that would probably be more likely to receive burn out. So I was at work today and feeling like lately the world has been moving past at warp speed. I sleep, work, and sometimes eat, then I do it all over again. So my insanity level is at it's highest, and I saw this in one of our show prep's in the studio and I laughed and thought I would share it. I think I might try some of these sometimes...lol How To Keep A Healthy Level of Insanity At The Office: At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a blow dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they wants fries with that. Put your grabage can on your desk and label it "in." As often as possible, skip rather then walk. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer. Specify in fast food drive-thrus that your order is "to go." Sing along at the opera. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. Drape mosquito netting over your cubicle and play a tape of jungle sounds all day. Insist that your co-workers addrss you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim. When leaving the zoo, run towards the parking lot, screaming "They're loose! They're loose!" Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go." Regardless of their actual name, call your boss LeRoy. So do you think you could use one of those at your office or anywhere really? Make people think that the workplace has really drove you over the deep end. lol..yeah sounds good to me. But anyway, having 2 days off was nice, but in a way i wish i hadn't...because now I know what it feels like to almost have a "weekend" and I want that again. So no school anymore means no homework, but being out of school means working your ass off to try to find a full time job so you can quit all the part time jobs...yeah, nothing comes easy, especially in this field. Finding a job isn't all that easy in the broadcasting field. I keep telling people I'm looking...and I am...but I don't have much time to do that either. When I'm home I want to relax and do nothing for sometime, but no one seems to understand that. Well to everyone that doesn't understand where I'm coming from...just bite me...it's been a long day...

How about a vacation?

So I've only been an actual "working girl" for a month now. I'm just plain worn out already. I just finished my 15 day working stretch yesterday...I get today off then it's back to it tomorrow...but at least this week I get Friday and Saturday off. I'm getting to the point where my panic attacks are ready to come back. For those of you that don't know, it was probably a couple years ago that I started having panic attacks when I was working at the nursing home because of all the drama and shit that went on there. They were nothing that posed a risk to myself really, my heart would just start racing, my vision would become blurred, my breath would become shortened. Whenever that happened I would go somewhere quiet and just stop everything. It normally only happened while I was at work, but a few times I had a couple at home. It was all because of one of the co-workers that I used to have. She was friends with my supervisor so nothing would have been done. So I went over my supervisors head and talked to our boss about it. Things started to change after that, and not long after things changed for good when my co-worker quit. Moral of the story, I'm realizing that I'm starting to get to that point where I'm having a hard time dealing. There's not that drama and stuff going on like there used to be, but I'm not able to sleep at night, I cry at almost any argument I get in with my family, I'm cranky more often then I used to be. I'm afraid I really will burn out if I don't start to learn to say No when people ask me to work. Mainly at this I mean the nursing home. She's nice to me whenever she needs me to work, and I'm stupid enough to say yes. I need the money...that's what I keep thinking. Yeah...I may need the money, but I my health is kind of important too. So relaxing is on top of my agenda now, but it's so damn hard. I have so much shit I need to get done...and so little time. I just want to disappear at some point. Have you ever felt that way? So I just need to look into some type of vacation to do nothing but relax and sleep. Doesn't that sound good? If only that would ever happen. I can't afford to take a vacation either...makes it kind of difficult...but I'm hoping by the end of the summer I'll have enough to do something or go somewhere. I would even just settle for taking time off from work and staying home to sleep in and do nothing. But anyway...I've made an executive decision. As scary as that sounds...I'm going to start to take some time for myself. After pushing myself for the past 15 days I know if I keep this up I'll have to deal with those damn panic attakcs again and that is really the last thing that I need right now. I have enough on my plate as it is. But one saying keeps running through my mind. "God doesn't put more on your plate then you can handle." So I can handle it, I just have to prioritize a little more I think. It's been a wake up call to me when I felt a panic attack coming on a couple days ago...now the goal is to find a way to deal with everything without burning out or over working myself again. I'll keep you posted...

Does Love Exist?

So I pose a simple yet not so simple question to everyone who either is in love now or has been in love at some point: Does love actually exist? I've heard a lot of different people. I look around and see couples holding hands and happy. You can tell when they are in love. I've been told recently that I "have the glow of love." There's just times I can't stop smiling and that certain person is on my mind all day every day. So maybe I should start out with an easier question: What is love? If you've ever been in love you know the feeling you get. It's that feeling in the bottom of your stomach and never getting enough of a person. Love is something very special. Then I look at other people. They claimed they were in "love." If people are in "love" then why do they hurt each other? People cheat on people all the time. Divorces happen every day. If you look at the statistics it makes it hard to believe in love. Some people say Love can't die. The truth is...it can. Love is that special feeling that you are able to share with another person. It doesn't always last forever...nothing lasts forever. I am able to look at my parents and all of my relatives and know that love is real and love is there. The proof is in the fact that they are still all together. My parents for 27 years...I'm one of the lucky ones who gets to see that and know that love is for real. You don't always find it the first time...but in my opinion of course love exists. I don't think the world would go around without it. But I still pose the question to you...Does love actually exist?

Overnight Issues

So I was stuck at the station this weekend doing two (count them...TWO) overnights. The first one was ok and went pretty smoothly. I was training someone so I had company for a little bit. It always helps when you have someone to talk to and you're not all alone in the building. Well I wasn't all alone anyway. Just down the hall my boyfriend was sleeping (lucky him, right?) Now on my second overnight of the weekend, he is yet again down the hall sleeping but I'm all alone in the studio. This is the last place I want to be right now. I am TIRED...I want to go home cuddle up in my bed with my kitty and my blanket and just be able to go off peacefully to dreamland. I have a few more hours before that is going to happen. When I get really tired I get cranky and emotional...it's just the way I have always been. You don't even want to talk to me in person right now because I would probably bite your head off. So anyway, I'm sitting here...with not enough caffeine in my obviously because I want to go to sleep. Although my hands are shaking a little so I don't know if I have two much caffeine or not enough. Plus I don't feel good. I ache all over from being tired. And to top it all off I can't help but cry. I know it's stupid...but I said I get emotional when I'm tired. So here I am crying like an idiot and trying to talk on the radio...it's a good thing that no one listens on an overnight anyway. And for once I don't give a damn what I sound like. I'm not focused on anything except making it through and getting out of here and home in one piece. Then a few other things run through my mind...making me think about other things. It's a viscious cycle...and it keeps repeating itself it seems. Yeah, I think I talk a lot when I'm tired too. Anyway, I need to stay wake someone...drinking caffeine!! Until next time...as long as there is a next time...

Thoughts Neverending...

So my mind has been taking some detours lately to unchartered locations. Yeah a lot of thinking has been done. I still don't think it has quite hit me that in the fall I won't be going back to school. It has hit me that I have been working my ass off and I think it's starting to take its toll. As my sister said...3 jobs is 2 too many. I'm beginning to see that. I like what I'm doing as far as that is concerned...but I think I see some burn out right around the corner. I've already had a couple break downs and I think I would prefer not to have that happen again. So I've decided that I just need to start finding time to relax. The past couple of days I have been plagued with just not feeling that great...so I need to learn to spend time on myself. I guess kind of pampering myself in some sense. I've only been working all these jobs for 3 weeks but I think I'm ready for a vacation already. I think things will get easier for me. Covering events every night of the week takes a lot out of me. Probably because they are kind of boring in a sense but I think that I will get used to it as time goes on. I never pictured myself as a reporter. When I went to college for the first time it never crossed my mind that I would ever be able to interview people or write stories about events or news. Am I sorry it went this way? No...not sorry...just surprised. Anyway...going off on tangents again. Just some general thoughts that keep running through my mind. I have several concerns right now that are plaguing me. I'm just hoping in due time the concerns will start to fade. In the meantime...relaxation is the key!! lol...that's my goal anyway. Anyway...I'll keep you posted on what becomes of the jobs and how stressed and burned out I will be. Until next time, signing out...

One of those days...

So have you ever had one of those days that you know you should be in a good mood but instead you can't help but be in a bad mood? Yeah--yesterday was that day for me. I was with Rich the entire day so I should have been ecstatic to just be able to see him and be with him...but instead, I just couldn't help but have concerns and such plague me. Maybe the working thing is catching up to me...that could be my excuse for being so emotional yesterday...but it's probably not true. I know exactly what was on my mind...of course I knew, it is my mind...but as of now I'm not sharing it with anyone. I have a few concerns and problems that I need to try to work through on my own. What are they related to? Well...that question isn't going to be answered either. I couldn't help it, yesterday from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep I would just have moments where I just had to cry. You know sometimes you do just need a good cry. Although being with Rich yesterday I did a pretty good job of hiding it, and he was able to take my mind off of what I was thinking for a little while. And then the nighttime rolled around and I got him concerned, which wasn't my goal by any means. Although I wish I could have stayed with him all night...it might have been a good thing I had to come home. I was able to do some serious thinking...and came to the conclusion that I miss him. lol...so it might have been good to come home by myself, but in the long run, I still wanted to be with him. It's a crazy mixed up vicious cycle that we go through every week when we don't get to see each other. What makes this cycle inevitable? Well...our work schedules for the most part. I'm in the middle of a 15 day stretch of working. That's more then 2 weeks straight...you realize that? I have most days off which is nice I can kind of relax and catch up on sleep...and of course miss Rich more :) But yeah...the main reason for this post was to just ask if you've ever had one of those days where everything should be fine and perfect and ideal but it just isn't? Yeah--it's not fun...especially when you wish the problem wasn't an actual problem...

RANT: Aren't Children Innocent?

I get so irritated when I read news stories where innocent children are involved. So did you see the one where two children were thrown off a hotel balcony by their father before he too jumped to his death? What the hell? If you want to commit suicide, why do you have to bring your children with you? The children were 4 and 8. They didn't know what was going on. Their lives were taken away from them for some stupid reason. I feel the same way when I read about sexual predators and abusers who prey on children via the Internet or anyway really. Child porn site numbers are up online and it's very disheartening to know that statistic. Our children our innocent human beings!! Some sicko is out there looking for "fresh meat" to rape and abuse. They are children. They should be running around outside. They should be living carefree lives. No one, especially a child, should have to live their life looking over their shoulder because they think something is going to happen to them. Remember those days when you could send your children to the park by themselves and know they would come home? Remember when you could trust next door neighbors to watch your children for a few hours while you went grocery shopping? Now you can't take your eyes of your child because there could be someone right around the corner ready to grab them. I just watched a 60 minutes show this past week about a guy who raped and abused over 40 children before he was finally caught because of one brave girl who refused to be his victim. The scumbag got over 400 years in jail for it. I would have said execute his ass. They are innocent children! What I hear nowadays with the way teenagers have started to dress is that "their asking for it." Now come on...is that at all realistic? I don't think any teenager out there is asking to be raped or abused by anyone! With the development of the Internet and sites such as MySpace, more and more sexual predators are out there trying to lure that 12 year old to meet them somewhere. The sad thing is, many of the children will meet these people because they think they are friends. Parents...SPEAK UP!! You need to sit down and talk to your kids about it. You might think they aren't going to listen...but they will hear your voice in the back of their head when they think about meeting someone they met online. Then I watch CSI episodes (yes I'm a CSI addict) and I can't stand to watch some of the episodes about children. I know it is only a TV show, but I also know that many of the ideas they have for shows come from real live situations that have happened throughout the country. Kids are beaten and abused and killed...I just don't know how someone could hurt a child. I don't think I ever will understand that. Granted I don't have any children of my own...and I'm not sure I don't want children of my own...I can't help but smile when I watch them. They are also so happy. They don't have a care in the world. Who would want to take that away from them? I can't help but think about the time when I local girl went missing. Sara Ann Wood...she was found dead in the woods and it sent shock waves throughout the entire area. To think something like that could happen here. That was before a lot of the publicity on the Internet and stuff like that came out. I remember my parents not letting me leave the house at all unless they were with me. I couldn't go to friends houses, I couldn't go to the mall by myself, everyone was terrified. I think it was a wake up call that...children aren't safe. There are people out there who will do everything in their power to make sure children aren't safe. It's sick people! But let me open your eyes to something...IT'S A SICK WORLD!! That's all I'm gonna say...

Just Some Poems

Today has been a hard day for me. I don't completely know why. All I know is it's been raining all day and now we have started some thunderstorms. I don't like thunderstorms...they scare the crap out of me, so it makes me think about Rich being here to comfort me. Which just makes me miss him even more. Sometimes it's better to be working because I am able to take my mind off of him...today he's been the only thing on my mind. When that happens I have to do something...so today I wrote some poems...check them out...let me know what you think! Three Simple Words Three words, together Are all I can find To tell you the way I feel, And so I say them, As I have before But still ... I want to tell you more. So I give you a kiss And hold you tight To go with my words, so few, And try to express the way I feel In a different way for you. Three words, that's all, No more can I find To tell you the way I feel. And, so, I say them Again, once more, Forgetting I've told you before. Then you give me a kiss, And look into my eyes. That's when you tell me, too, These words, Three words We both know will do: "I love you!" Love Love is something special, Love is something dear. Love is a little sadness, When the one you love isn't near. Love is understanding, Love is pure and true. Love is tears of sorrow When the one you love leaves you. Love does not have color, Love does not have race. Love does not have beauty Or a pretty made-up face. Love is something simple, Love is something blind. Love is something important That's truly one of a kind. You're On My Mind I sit here on this rainy day, Nothing to do, nothing to say. You're on my mind All the time. Soft and delicate is your kiss. Being with you is what I miss, Your hands, gentle and sweet. I'm thankful for the day we got to meet. You're on my mind All the time. We fit together, so soft and snug. I miss your loving arms, your strong hug. You're the only one that I love. You're my angel from above. I love you with all my heart and soul. I'll be yours forever, yours to hold. You're on my mind All the time.

The First Week

So my first week of working 3 jobs is kind of officially over. I know you say it's Friday...but usually (if all goes as planned) I get Friday's off...which is good. I don't always get them off though...but when I do, I take advantage of it. Slept until 11 today...lol...yeah that's taking advantage of it!! Although this weekend on Saturday I have to put 3 hours in for WIBX and 7 hours for Lite. Then Sunday, 4 hours for Lite and 3 hours at the nursing home. Then Monday, Memorial Day, I have to put in 5 hours for Lite and a few for WIBX. Then Tuesday through Thursday doing more reporting for WIBX. I know when the money starts coming in I might be able to see that it's worthwhile...but now I'm just tired and wondering if I'll be able to keep doing this. So I've been asked by a few people...when do you have time to see your boyfriend? Uh...I don't? We spent last weekend together because I knew it would be awhile before we got to do that again. He's working a lot too, so it just boils down to making the most of the time we do get to see each other. Plus it's kind of hard with gas prices the way they are and us not living that close to each other. So it's raining out now...kind of fits my mood today. I'm drinking my coffee and letting my mind wander to places that it probably shouldn't. My parents are out of town for the holiday weekend so therefore I have to deal with my little sister all by myself. She's 18, but she acts like she's still 12. Drives me completely nuts. Like my family's been doing lately. My mom worries about my jobs, my boyfriend, my life...and I just want to tell her to leave me alone. I know she's a mom and it's her job...but it's irritating. I know she cares about me and is only looking out for me, but I'm 21 and it is my life. She's not able to change it. My dad is a little more acceptable about everything that my mom worries about. You think it would be the other way around because I'm "daddy's little girl." He seems to trust me and think I'll make the right decisions. My mom and I have drifted apart lately. I don't tell her as much as I used to. In some way I think I'm trying to grow up and live my life and she's still trying to hold me back. Maybe I just need to get out and get my own apartment and then maybe we'll grow closer because we aren't living together 24/7. I know I grew closer to my older sister when she moved away to college. Now it's more like we're friends who can talk about anything, then sisters. I love that feeling. It's someone I can always count on to be there for me when I need to talk. Anyway these are just a few things that have been on my mind lately. I don't know when another post will be coming because I am going to be so damn busy this coming week. But maybe a time will open up when I'll be able to let you know how the fun filled holiday weekend went! Catch ya on the flip side! :)

Love Will Come Back

There's a new song out by Chicago. It's been running through my head for a few days and I know why. It's called "Love Will Come Back." It's a great tune...and it really just kind of fits me right now. You'll see what I mean in a little bit. I don’t love you anymore We’ve all heard those words before Somebody takes your heart and then Leaves you the pieces I've been out of the whole "dating cycle" for a couple of years. It's not that I didn't want someone...trust me, there were times I just needed that shoulder to cry on or just wanted to be laying in someone's arms with nothing else to care about. It's the fact that I had so much shit going on. I was working non-stop and school was still a priority for me. Then of course there was the last relationship. He tried to change who I was. I was young and stupid and of course gullable. Until I found out the truth, and that was it. I wasn't going to let someone take my heart again...not unless I was sure. I wasn't going to go through it again. Thus...the trouble with trust. Sure, I went on dates with people in those two years...but I don't think I went out a second time with any of them. Then someone came along who could change all that. Lying shattered on the floor They say that when you close a door Another one is waiting there For you to open... if you believe! It's when I wasn't looking or caring if I had someone there...that I found it. Was it part of some plan? Probably...it was obviously time for me to start to move on. I'm not saying I dwelled on the break up for two years, but I wasn't ready to deal with anything. I wanted time alone...wanted to think...wanted to cry. Earlier this year I looked back on it and I got so angry...not upset. I think that was my cue that I was ready to put it all behind me. Yes...you might think I'm stupid for thinking about it for two years...but love is always hard to get over. For me anyway...I moved on, and that anger has suddenly turned to acceptance. There was a reason I went through that. I learned a hell of a lot about love and relationships. Love will come back Hit you when you least expect it Fill in the cracks Of a broken heart you thought That you could never mend You, you can start again! Suddenly...I find myself in love and happy. You ask me when these feelings started again and I can't answer that. All I know is...I'm happy. It's been awhile since I've been this happy. I talk to friends who are out "looking" for someone, and I give this piece of advice, "don't." It'll find you. When it's meant to be...it's meant to be. I know that can sound corny and cliche...but to me it's completely true. Love hit me when I least expected it to. Oh, when you think you’ve lost the only way All you really need Is a little faith Faith...I knew that everything was going to happen for a reason. I meet the wrong people to get to the right. And along this road we call life...we learn a lot of things. Love is one of them. You have to learn to love...and I'm far better off now... Just let love return to you You can start again!

So What's Next?

So I'm a college graduate. To some it seems like no big deal...but to me, I never thought I'd be able to say that. School was never an easy thing for me. I wasn't like my older sister who was 4th in her high school class. I struggled through Math and Science...failed tests left and right...I hated it. Of course college is always different. You take more classes that you actually want to. Still...I went through a time in high school when I had no idea what I wanted to do and though that I didn't want to go to college. This feeling I have now though...I look back and wonder what I was thinking then. I never thought I could love something so much. Working in radio has become my passion. I don't picture myself doing anything else. I didn't think I could love something so much. So I've had questions from many people. What's next? Well I have 3 part time jobs...yeah I said 3. It's going to be a very busy next couple of months around here. I'll be stressed...I'll be irritable...I can see that coming up. I'll also be missing Rich because I won't be seeing him as much. I'm excited about working more and making some money...but at the same time I don't know if I'm ready to be working every day. You might hear about that more in later posts. I still need something full time though. So that becomes my next question... What's next?

One Day

4 years ago I entered college really not knowing what to expect. My world was pretty sheltered I think. I had my close group of friends from high school. I didn't know how I could start all over at a new place and make friends all over again. It was quite easy in a place like Herkimer County Community College. The Radio/TV program was full of people. The professors were welcoming, the classmates always talked to each other and helped each other out with video and audio projects. I made a group of friends that far surpassed the high school group (many of whom I no longer spoke to anyway.) We often hung out in the professors offices between classes, it was a real laid back environment. We learned but at the same time we had fun with the hands on portion of it. I knew nothing would come close to that experience. I was right. Utica College was an experience in itself. Just not in the same way that HCCC was. I have a great group of friends from UC as well. It's not as large as it was at HCCC, but the journalism group (much like the Radio/TV group) became friends too. We all know each other and had fun in the same classes. So 4 years ago did I expect to be sitting here today actually happy with where I am? Not really. I thought I would be terrified at the thought of graduating and having to face the real world. But...I've been in the real world doing what I want to do for 2 1/2 years. Yeah...I'm still a beginner and I'm still learning things every day...but I'm doing it. I don't have the full time opening I want yet...but I have 2 part time gigs that right now are starting to look great to me. I'm actually excited about starting as a reporter on WIBX. It sounds like it's going to be exciting, and continuing on Lite is also great. I've learned so much there and have improved dramatically. Lite gave me my first "big break" in a sense. I just love it. I think it's great I get to use my skills from both HCCC and UC. I'm doing the broadcasting end and I'm doing the journalism end. I'm happy with where I am right now...and I think that's all that matters! And it's all down to this...one day until "I are a college gradjumawit" :) Can you believe it? I can't...

The new Bob Vila?

So I've been termed the new Bob Vila. Yeah it's been renovation time around the Dunne house for like the past couple of years...and it all comes down to the next couple of days. It's kind of an open house thing at our house on Sunday. The excuse for it is it's my graduation...and I'm not complaining because I could sure use the money. So it's my graduation party and it's an open house at the same time. Anyway, long story short, I took some pictures of me painting the bathroom yesterday and sent them to Rich and he coined me the new Bob Vila. So now I'm asking you if you think I am...lol. Some pics are below...trust me they aren't that great.

Just General Thoughts...

So it's really the end. Took my last final on Monday, now I sit and wait for grades. Rumor has it...they'll be available as of the 12th. I hope that's true. I have family coming in this weekend and I can't wait! I'm so excited to see my aunt and uncle. I don't get to see them that much, so I seriously can not wait! lol...I know I'm excited...I can't help it. Then I can't wait for my party on Sunday after graduation. Don't know how many people will be there because it is mother's day. I already know a few that won't be able to be there...a few of them I really wish would be there...kind of makes me sad that they won't be...*shrugs shoulders* but hey...I guess you do what you gotta do. So my allergies this year...yeah that's a whole other story. I'm just sick of them...they are like 100 times worse then years past. I only bring this up now because they are bothering me now...and hey these are my thoughts for the day. Another thought that is on my mind everyday is my boyfriend, Rich. I spent a day with him and his daughter earlier this week, and it just went by way too fast. His daughter's full of energy and wears me down. lol...you try chasing a 4 year old...lol...it's harder then you would think. But she's still adorable...can't fight that part of it. Rich - oh he's not too bad either ;) I never get to spend enough time with him. I hate the feeling of knowing I have to leave. I guess that's why I'm a little down about him not being able to come to my graduation party...I know he has to work and that's that...but I also know it's going to be another day that I'm going to be missing him and not seeing him. I just can't help it...my thoughts always seem to go back to him. Now that I don't have school to concentrate on and I don't start working for a couple weeks...I'm at that point where I think of him all the time, and miss him even more. It's just a viscious cycle of never ending thoughts...you ever been there?

What is wrong with me?

Such an easy question to ask, but such a hard question to answer. I'm sure that all of you can relate to being stressed at one point. I hit my limit last week...and this week has been very mellow for the most part. Today I had a final presentation for one of my classes and it was very laid back and relaxed. Then I came home and had a Smirnoff...that really relaxed me. Now I'm hanging on by a thread. lol...CSI and Without A Trace are both new tonight...have to watch those of course. Graduation is in 10 days. Do you think it's hit yet? Kind of...the real world is looming right there. I have two part time jobs for when I get out. One is going to be nights during the week...the other is going to be weekends, so I know stress will be coming from that at some point. You know what I think is kind of scaring me? The fact that I have no idea what I'm going to be doing in say 5 years. I know I need to find something full time...and fast. I need benefits...I need to pay bills...I have those needs too. So should I be more excited about graduation? I probably should...but I can't help but focus on what has to happen after graduation. Ok--that's not what's really bothering me when I said What's wrong with me? You know, at the start of every relationship there is a feeling of insecurity I guess. Whether it's a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, or a friendship, or whatever. There's always the "what if" factor. I can't help it, it always runs through my mind. I guess that's why it takes awhile to earn my trust. Being 21 now, I have focused so strongly on school for so long that I missed what it was like to be held or that feeling of looking in someone's eyes and just seeing it there. Now I just can't seem to get enough. You ever have one of those relationships? If you've lived close together then you probably never have...but I think this is one that I dove headfirst into. Good or bad? Hasn't been bad yet...I've loved every minute of it (except when we're not together.) There's just that feeling of knowing that someone else feels the same way about you as you do about them. Am I crazy? Oh probably...and is there anything wrong with me? Well ask anyone around me and they'd have an answer :) But I still look at what I have coming around the corner after graduation...I think I'm pretty damn lucky. I have a couple jobs lined up that will get me started. I've got a guy right now who is there for me. And of course I'm happy...what more could I ask for right now? So what is wrong with me? Got an answer? Would love to hear it...

Finally Figured It All Out...

So as some of you know the past couple of days I've been in a not so good mood. So I was laying in bed last night and it clicked. I'm graduating. Well of course I knew this before, I mean I've only been saying it for the last 2 years. Then I got upset again. I laid down and was trying to figure out why I was so depressed. I thought it was just because I really missed my boyfriend and everything...and I do :) But that wasn't it. I couldn't help what I was feeling though, I couldn't stop the tears that started to come to my eyes. I didn't know why the hell I was so upset. Then I knew. June is always a hard month for me. It's the anniversary of my grandmother's death. This year it is going to be 10 or 11 maybe even 12 years since she passed away. So you think 'yeah, what's this got to do with anything?' I know I'm graduating in May not June. But you know what? I know how proud she would be of me. If I go on, then the tears might start again...so I'm just going to end this with a poem that I wrote today. It helped me kind of cheer up a little. So let's hope by graduation I can finally be myself again. You'd Be So Proud You'd be so proud of the woman I've become. You'd be so proud of everything I've done. You'd be so proud I can see you smiling down. You'd be so proud of everything around. Oh I know you'd be so proud that I'm following my dream. Oh you'd be so proud that I made it through somehow. I know you're watching me on my special day and you are still so proud. I think I know exactly what you'd say "I am so proud of you."

Some Hearts

*sigh* well it's kind of been one of those weeks. You know what kind of week I mean? The week that seems to drag on forever, but they're still aren't enough hours in the day to do what you have to do. With graduation just around the corner I really just need a break. So do I ever get that break? Surprisingly I do. Different from other semester's I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I think knowing that I don't have to go back in the fall is a huge weight off of my shoulders. It's just not a summer anymore though, it's going to be a job search time. Also different from other semester's is that my boyfriend is able to relax me. Just being able to be with him relaxes me. There's just something about him that I'm able to forget about everything else. Ok, those of you that know me, know I am a huge fan of the last American Idol, Carrie Underwood. She's coming locally to our New York State Fair in August...tickets go on sale this coming Saturday, so I thought what would be better then to use her latest single, "Some Hearts," to describe how I am feeling. I think it fits just about perfectly. I've never been the kind that you'd call lucky Always stumbling' around in circles But I must have stumbled into something Look at me Am I really alone with you I wake up feeling like my life's worth living Can't recall when I last felt that way Guess it must be all this love you're giving Never knew never knew it could be like this He talks, I can't help but smile. His scent is addicting. I can't help but to think about him everyday. Just a simple word makes me smile. The thoughts bring another smile to my face. I miss him more and more with each passing day. I'd love to see him everyday. Just to lay in his arms and fall asleep. Look into his eyes and get lost. It's been awhile since I've felt anything like this. It's strong. It's intoxicating. I can't help myself. I can't control my own feelings. I just want to kiss him and hold him and make the rest of the world disappear. The time we are together, everything seems good and right. Everything does disappear and the world is just better. Some hearts They just get all the right breaks Some hearts have the stars on their side Some hearts, They just have it so easy Some hearts just get lucky sometimes Some hearts just get lucky, lucky sometimes My heart pounds at his simple touch. It yearns to hold him all the time. I can't help it. He consumes my mind from morning to night. I sit there and smile. I can't help it. I want his hand in mine. I just want to be with him. We don't have to be doing anything and I still have a good time. My hearts been broken too many times, so it's always taken me awhile to learn to trust people. He's different. I look into his eyes and I know it's there. Now who'd have thought someone like you could love me You're the last thing my heart expected Who'd have thought I'd ever find somebody Someone who makes me feel like this I don't think my heart was completely ready for this feeling. I was concentrating on making it through to graduation, and then he was there. Not trying to impress me. What you see is what you get. I didn't feel pressured. I didn't feel uncomfortable. For the first time in a long time it felt right. The days dragged on before we would see each other again...the time we are together goes by too fast. The way he looks at me sends shivers down my spine. I've come to realize... Even hearts like mine Get lucky, lucky sometimes My hearts found what it's been longing for. For once I am completely content at where I am in life. Just the simple thought of it brings tears to my eyes and puts a lump in my throat. After what I've been through it's very hard to even think about love, especially after not even 2 months of dating. But I can't help.... Previously I posed the question is it love? No doubt about it anymore...it really is :)

So it's almost the end...

Can anyone say stress? I can't say it without having my heart beat increasing, my palms getting all sweaty and feeling like I want to pass out. I finished my 10 page paper, my 20 page paper, one of the take home tests, and all the other homework. I have a presentation tomorrow in my fieldwork class, but that should be easy. I have two take home tests I will be getting tomorrow that will be due in a week or so. Then I have another presentation next week on my 20 page paper, which is going to be kind of hard. Then I have a final, then I'm done. Who would have thought that 4 years of college would come down to this? Or better, yet who would have thought that being in school for 18 years would come down to this? I started at the age of 3 in school and now I'm 21. Yeah...that's a long time to be in school. Now facing the real world, everyone wants to know what my future plans are. I don't have a clue. It's scary thinking about going out into the world and applying for jobs. I know college graduates who come out and think they are hot shit and are going to get the best job out there. I have worked my ass off to get where I am. My resume is strong, in my opinion anyway, so I guess it's time to start the search. There are openings in the local area and I'm working on an aircheck to send out and see if that might lead to anything. I don't know...but I have to step up to the plate. It's time. Moving on to WIBX. It's been a very busy and exhausting week there. Sunday afternoon I covered a local event. Got some sound bytes went back wrote the story. Last night I covered a pretty big county legislative meeting, went back and did the same thing. Didn't get home until a little after 10, and I was very tired. Tonight I'm covering two events, one somewhere where I don't know how the hell to get there. Then I have to go back and write and edit those. It's going to be another long night. Followed my another long day tomorrow. Long but satisfying...won't go into details on that :) Then a weekend full of working again...did I mention stress? So on the Lite end of things...things are going well. We're in the middle of our Prada Purse Giveaway. We're giving away 5 original prada purses stuffed with great prizes and cash. It's exciting, I just wish more people would call in on the weekends when they hear their names, it's not exciting when you don't get to tease them a little...lol. So some of you might wonder if I'm over the whole 'Bad Day' thing from a few posts earlier. Oh yeah...it's cool. I still have my 'regulars' calling me earlier in the day and I still sneak some songs on for them once in awhile (shh...don't tell anyone ;)) As long as I'm able to be on the radio...I don't care what time it is. That's the bottom line. I plan on sticking on Lite for the time being after I graduate. I can't imagine leaving just yet. I think once the 'perfect' job comes along somewhere else, then I'll have to consider it. So it's almost the end isn't it? Geez...where has the time gone?

What's the world come to?

Okay, amongst all of my school work is my internship at WIBX. I hear a lot of news, unfortunately, yesterday was a day I didn't hear about it in the newsroom. Most of it was on the 11 o'clock news. So for those of you that didn't know, yesterday was the 7 year anniversary of the Columbine High School shooting in Littleton, Colorado. That was a day I think that shocked the entire United States to the core. It was actually a spure of school shootings around that time, but Columbine being the worst by far. I think people finally realized that schools aren't safe. Many then went to searchs and metal detectors and police officers. Things that parents thought would never be in schools. A fear swept among parents thinking that their child could be heading off to school for the last time. I was scared to go to school around that time. I never knew what would come everyday at school. The past few years have been really quiet as far as school shootings are concerned, until yesterday. A school in Kansas was supposed to be the next "Columbine" according to some students. A message on MySpace stated that all students at this school show wear a bullet proof vest to school on Thursday the 20th. Thankfully, the police were able to foil the plot before anything happened. Several guns were found in the kids' homes. So I pose the question that I thought of 7 years ago, what is the world coming to? There are accidents every day in this country, right? People die all the time in automobile accidents. We had an accident locally yesterday that killed 3 teenagers that were seniors at a local high school. 2 months to go, and they are killed in a car accident. The car hit a tree, was split into two and half of it ended up in a lake. It's just so sad to think of what the school community, family and friends are going through. I know the hype that comes behind graduation. This year it is going to be a very sad year for everyone involved. That wasn't the only accident locally yesterday. A guy on a motorcycle was hit by a truck and killed. You see these accidents every day and you just think it could never happen to you, but the truth is it can happen to anyone. It really makes you start to think about your own driving. Maybe even slow down a little and take a little longer or leave yourself a little more time. So I pose the question: What's the world coming to?