Looking ahead to Valentine's Day

When I was a little girl I used to dream about the perfect guy sweeping me off my feet. As was every girl's fantasy, I dreamed about what my wedding would be, that perfect guy standing next to me. But as time goes by those fantasies quickly turn to reality as you realize there's no such thing as the perfect guy. Hey there's not even such a thing as the perfect girl (gasp - did I actually say that???) All there really is, is two people who love each other so much that they would do anything for them. I see that in my parents, the perfect example of what a real couple is like. Sure they have arguments like every other normal couple, but in the end, they always work everything out because there's understand, compromise, and of course love.

As Valentine's Day approaches every year I think about the people I love in my life. I also think about how I shouldn't just think about it at this time each year. Life is short, who knows what could happen tomorrow that tears you apart from a loved one. It should just be another day, right? I've never actually been out with my boyfriend on Valentine's Day - and we've been together nearly 4 years. So I don't know why this year I want it so much. Maybe because our outings usually aren't alone and consist of shopping and eating.

I came across this article in the latest Cosmo that I had to smile about. It's called "Guys Uncensored: Why Men Forget Valentine's Day." First of all I thought, what woman lets her guy forget about Valentine's Day? My boyfriend couldn't forget about it if he wanted to...not with me nagging him about it. :) He loves it though. So I have to share this article with you and I want your opinions about it! Do you think these reasons are legit? Sound off!

Guys Uncensored: Why Men Forget Valentine's Day

There are three simple reasons for why many guys don't recognize February 14 as a special day. (Hint: It's not that he doesn't care about you.)

Valentine's Day is around the corner, and there's a good chance your boyfriend or husband will forget it. You're aware of this possibility; in fact, if he's forgotten on previous occasions, you may even already be getting aggravated in anticipation of it. Before you focus your rage on him, however, remember that the man who forgets Valentine's Day is a cliche for a reason: A lot of men forget Valentine's Day.

The male editors of AskMen.com have helped a lot of dudes survive the aftermath of doing so, and in the process we've learned a lot about why they do. Today we impart those lessons to women in the hopes of sparing some of our fellow men some future pain. Here are the three reasons men forget Valentine's Day.

1. Because Our Friends Forget It Too

Women talk about Valentine's Day in the days leading up to it. You'll discuss your plans with your girlfriends and, if none have been made, you'll speculate as to what surprises may be in store. Among men, however, we're lucky if even one of our friends raises the topic - because the rest of us need someone to remind us. Men forget Valentine's Day for the same reason men fumble many relationship matters: We lack a support network to remind us of its importance. The event simply never comes up in conversation until it is raised by our girlfriends...the day after.

2. Because We're Tired Out From The Pursuit

The pursuit being the pursuit of you. In the early weeks of a relationship, we guys will go all-out planning elaborate dates and romantic surprises. In doing so, we contradict our nature (see reason #3), but competition drives us to persist. We know that there are plenty of other men waiting to swoop in if our courting efforts fail, so we push ourselves into playing the suave Casanovas that we most certainly are not. The pursuit usually proves successful just as exhaustion sets in, and we stop doing all those wonderful things that made you fall for us, leaving you to wonder, "Why doesn't he even remember Valentine's anymore?"

3. Because Our Emotions Are Reactionary

That's to say, we don't show emotions until strongly provoked into doing so. Blame this on generations of fathers who told their sons to "man up" until restraint became part of our genetic code - and acknowledge that, most of the time, you like this quality in us. No woman wants a whimpering wet towel of a partner who's always ready to offer up his feelings, and our awareness of this makes us all the more restrained. So when it comes to Valentine's Day, that most sentimental of holidays, we are subject to two opposing forces: genetic instincts that tell us to "man up" and resist participating, and social instincts that tell us to get on the phone and ring in some roses. Neurons begin misfiring, the brain shuts down, and, next thing you know...we've forgotten Valentine's Day.

During the ensuing argument, however, we will show emotion. We'll plead and tell you how much we love you, and those of us from poor man-stock may even shed some tears. And though you may dismiss the spectacle as being less sincere for having required activation, it's just the way we men operate. The feelings are there, but they have to be triggered. So once you see them, you can rest assured in the knowledge that we do care about you. We just don't care about Valentine's Day.

Something...

There's something about this time of year that is so peaceful - so surreal - so wonderful!

It's been a stressful year, I'm not quite sure about a few things, and I'm struggling with a few other things, and feel like I'm running on empty. Then you have parties or get together with family, friends, and loved ones and you remember just why you're here. At least I do. With the Girl Scout council being just 5 months old it has been a very stressful transition and micro-managing and learning for everyone. Everyone thinks their way is best and it gets to be very difficult to focus on the reason you're here. It's for the girls. They get a safe environment away from the other pressures of school and boys and peer pressure. It's focusing on that and some of the amazing stories that I hear about everyday that keep me going. That and the time we, as co-workers, get to get together. It's hard being spread across 26 counties now - you can't connect with people as easily, so when our office gets together it's great. We had a Christmas party today and ordered food in and played some games - it was really amazing.

Now I'm hoping that the week we're off between Christmas and New Years gives us all a chance to rejuvenate and take a step back from everything we're going through to make us all stronger for the New Year.

There's just something peaceful about this time of year that makes me not care about the little things as much. I focus on the things that matter like being with my family and being thankful that it has been another wonderful year and that we're all healthy and there to celebrate it together. There's things more important then what gift to get or what cookies to bake...it's the time with your family that can't be replaced. Treasure it. Remember it. And never forget it!

It's that time of year

With Christmas a short 46 days away, I always spend some time thinking about the meaning of Christmas and sometimes wishing those that I love could be around to celebrate with us. It never ceases to amaze me as I watch people start to gather in the stores to buy those electronics and games or fight over that last toy left on the shelf. What are we teaching our children to expect tons of things on Christmas? And that's all it is...things...stuff that quite often will end up broken or stuffed in a corner somewhere. I think about those that have nothing and would give anything to be able to give their child something, even clothes for them to wear. Why aren't we helping them instead of spoiling children (or adults for that matter)? They would love a nice warm meal on Christmas or a place to stay that's out of the snow and cold, something we always take for granted.

Why aren't we teaching children the real meaning of Christmas? Take some time out this holiday season to really think about your life and what values you hope your children will grow up with. Teach them to help out this holiday season, whether it's ringing the bell for the Salvation Army Red Kettle campaign, or volunteering at a food bank or soup kitchen for a few days ... these are things that make a real difference and your children will thank you for as they get older. It's never too early to instill in your children the act of generosity. There are people that are a lot less fortunate and could use your help! Remember that this holiday season and lend a hand!

Gearing up for the biggest event of my life...

So what do you think of when you see that title? Not yet marriage or a child...so what could it be? Well the best event in the country of course! Boilermaker Sunday is fast approaching...it's a 15K run throughout the great streets of our city. No, I'm not taking part in the 15K run because I really don't want to die yet. I am however, for the first time, participating in some Boilermaker festivities. Their are a ton of opportunities to take part in the Boilermaker every year. This year, I am walking, with my parents, in the 3-mile walk. I tell people 3 miles and they say that that's no big deal...but for me, it is. I've never walked 3-miles before. That is until this week. Two days this week I walked on the treadmill for 3 miles so I'm ready and prepared for it! The walk takes place on Saturday and I think I'm ready to do it! I'm sure I'll be sore the next day as right now my legs and back are killing me from the two days of 3-mile walking, but I'm ready and excited!

On Sunday I'm taking part in another way. Last year my dad and I were up at like 6 a.m. to go watch the racers. This year, for the third non-consecutive year, I am working at the station for the Boilermaker Music Marathon...two hours of commercial-free music for the runners. It's great music too! Music we don't play normally, but it's upbeat and I love working during it because it'll get me going. I just hope I'm not in a huge amount of pain by the time I have to get up to work.

So my weekend is jam-packed full of fun stuff. The great thing is my weekend gets going at 5 p.m. today as I took tomorrow off and am spending the day at Enchanted Forest/Water Safari. I'm actually getting excited about spending the day there and getting to go on some water rides. Aww...fun times! Let the weekend begin *looks at clock* ok...4 hours to go...then let the weekend begin!

Hoping for a change of heart...

It's a Monday. That should be enough said...Monday's are typically not good days. Yet, usually I can get motivated enough on a Monday to accomplish something. Anything would do. Granted I did accomplish a couple press releases and getting ready for my meeting tomorrow...but I'm just down in the dumps.

Now it could be the fact that I had to come back after a 3-day weekend...noone likes that. It could be the fact that I desperately need a vacation and it's still a month and a half away. But it's none of that...I know exactly what it is. It's the fact that after a long weekend with him I'm back home...alone...and miserable. Lately it seems that sometimes it hurts more to be with him and then have to leave then it does to just talk online. That I can deal with...it's the leaving part that is becoming almost too hard to handle. At least for the summer I know the next time I'll get to spend time with him...but then what? We're both too busy and wrapped up in whatever to make it happen as often as it should...often going months on end without spending any quality time together.

Why do they say absence makes the heart grow fonder? It sucks...bottom line. Maybe because it's been 3 and a half years, but it sucks. In hindsight I wonder if I knew how hard it would be if things would have been different for me. I just wonder why...

I'm an independent woman for crying out loud...I don't need a guy to make me happy, right? Well apparently that's BS also. I look back at high school and college when all my friends had guys and I was quite content being on my own. I didn't need anyone. I was focused on my schooling and my career. Building myself up in my career has always been my number one priority.

Then he came along. Swept me off my feet (not literally...although that would have been interesting). It wasn't bad at first because we did get to see each other more because he was working more up here so I knew I would see him and we went out occassionally. Plus I was still building myself up in my career, and it still came first. Until recently it never really bothered me that we didn't see each other that much. Maybe now because I'm settled in my career, and quite HAPPY about where I am for the first time in a long time. I guess now I want the relationship to progress like my career did but now we seem to be stuck in the same place we have been for over a year. I guess with neither of us willing to relocate now things are going to remain this way for awhile.

I'm just not sure how much more my heart can take. It feels like it's in pieces...

Trying to figure things out

I haven't been in the greatest of moods lately, and to top it off I hurt my shoulder on Sunday so now I'm in an even worse mood. I'm trying to make it through each day, which for some reason is always harder then the previous day. I'm looking forward to my August vacation, because lets face it, I need it. I need time away from both my jobs, and I'm happy to be spending it in Virgina, a great place to spend a week. Maybe I need a vacation to be able to figure things out. We're also looking at taking a cruise early next year, so I'm excited about going on my first cruise. I'm happy I get to take paid vacations now. Makes it a lot easier to take a vacation.

So anyway, yeah, haven't been in a great mood. I'm making it through work, then I go home, eat dinner, sometimes walk with my mom, and sit in front of the TV. So I've been trying to change that. My sister and I are going to My Sister's Keeper (a free showing) tomorrow night and the next week my mom and I are going to Drums Along the Mohawk in Rome. I'm tired of sitting around not doing anything because I have noone to do it with, so I'm going to start taking things into my own hands...even if it means doing things with my family. They're usually up for it anyway.

So I took my walk today during lunch and it was a gorgeous walk...had to be in the 70's with a slight breeze. I listen to my mp3 player to get me pumped and moving and a song that I forgot about but love came on. Have you heard SheDaisy's "Don't Worry 'Bout A Thing?" It was very fitting and I even smiled during the song. So I let that song be a part of my day today...maybe not after today, but I'm going to try to not worry about a thing for the rest of today. If you haven't heard the song, lyrics are below, and you should really listen to it sometime...great song to put you in a better mood!

Ever been misunderstood, misused, or misled
Ever knocked on the sky
and had it fall on your head
well, don't worry 'bout it, don't worry
Ever lost your luggage, your marbles,
your house
Or found yourself in bed with Uncle Sam or Mickey Mouse
Ever been accused of murder on Music Row
Or caught in morning traffic when you
really gotta go - Oh no!

Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing

Ever sat yourself down when the
seat is all wet
Or see your "ex" sucking face with
a little brunette
Don't worry 'bout it, no don't worry
Ever lost your religion, ever lost your
best friend
Or found your last record in the bargain bin
Or been stuck in a divorce like crazy glue
Or scraped someone else's gum off the
bottom of your show - Boo hoo!

Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Somestimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing

Don't worry, don't worry

We all got a little junk in the trunk
And when you're feelin' good as sunk
Remember, everything will be just fine
If I laugh at yours then you'll laugh at mine

Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing

Life is funny, life's a mess
Sometimes a curse, sometimes a blessing
Don't worry 'bout a thing, don't worry 'bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'botu a thing

Don't worry, don't worry

Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don't worry 'bout a thing.

Everything happens for a reason...

So much is going on lately. So much that is making me soooooo tired day in and day out. My mind is overloaded with things I'm thinking about, yet it never prevents me from falling asleep because I'm soooooo tired.

My grandfather's been in the hospital for a few weeks now. They thought they would lose him but he's hanging on. My mom and aunt flew out yesterday to be with him and look at some nursing homes that offer rehab programs. He was apparently bit by a tick and he has some type of disease (can't remember the name of it - and no it's not lyme) and it's caused nerological damage and complete loss of vision. He is legally blind anyway but could see shadows and things...now he can't see anything. As I keep telling everyone he's a fighter and stubborn as hell and he'll live for another 10 years. So my mom says he looks good, which is good.

When all this started, I know it's awful to say, but I wasn't upset. I keep thinking back to the times we used to spend together. Before my grandmother passed away we had a great time. They lived in Utica with us, right down the street from our elementary school. Sometimes we used to walk to their apartment from the school. We'd spend the night at their place and our grandmother would teach us cool art things and our grandfather would read to us or take us outside for a walk. I was only 12 when she passed away and it devastated me. We were so young that that was the worst thing that could ever happen. I think the hardest part is she wouldn't even let her grandchildren see her in the hospital before she passed away. She didn't want us seeing her like that. And then she was gone. The funeral is the worst thing I ever went through. For months I spent time in my room writing in my journal just trying to get the feelings out. When he remarried I was happy for him. He needed someone to spend the rest of his life with, and she's a great woman. He moved to Maryland to live in her house. After that, he pretty much alienated everyone on his side of the family. Never visited, never called. We see him once every 5 or 6 years probably. We saw him last year and he just has to find a way to insult everyone of his granddaughters and even his daughters...nothing is ever good enough for him. So when we were leaving, my mom blew up at him which really upset her. She felt like she let her mom down by yelling at her father because she was raised to never raise your voice at your parents. They made up a few weeks later by talking on the phone and now here she is, out with him. I wish I had a grandfather that was a little more involved. If my grandmother was still around she would be so proud about the way her granddaughters grew up. He doesn't care. Nothing is ever good enough. He cared a little more when she was around. I know when he does finally pass away we'll all be sad, because he is family and we do love him, but at the same time he's never been there for us. He was hardly ever there for his daughters. Maybe all this happend as a way for God to tell us that he's not going to be around forever and we need to forgive and forget and come together as a family.

For once the bright spot in my life is work. I'm loving work and can't wait to start working for the new council. Work is the one thing I can guarentee will take my mind off of everything else I'm struggling with lately. I have constant battles in my head about certain issues, and I just wonder if it'll ever change. I just want to be normal...have a normal relationship, have a normal family, just be normal, is that too much to ask?

Hurt feelings and stuff...

So to say the least I'm not in a good mood. I'm making do and trying to figure things out. I've always been an independent person. I know what I want and I go after what I want. I've been working since I was 15, and since I started in the full-time world a few years ago, I have not been without a job, despite the fact that I was rejected for a few full-time openings and let go from one place, the same day I got another job. I've worked hard to be an independent woman with hopes and dreams, and I think I'm fulfilling them now. I'm learning a lot and growing and turning into the person I hope to continue to be. I'm also an emotional person and maybe I take too many things to heart, but it's the person I am. I hate when people don't think I'm doing my best. Sure everyone makes mistakes and I can accept that, I've made my fair share of mistakes. But when I don't think I've made a mistake, and am accused of making a mistake...well let's just say I can be a stubborn person...

I guess to get to the point, I've been hurt. Not the physical kind, but the emotional kind. It's a hurt I didn't see coming. It's a hurt that will pass with time. It's a hurt that I'm sorry can't fix. It's a hurt that shouldn't have happened. Communication is key, and when you don't, or you say things without thinking, it leads to a hurt that can't be taken back and could have been avoided. When I trust someone, I trust them with my whole heart, and this has left a spot on that trust. The spot too will fade. I love you with all my heart. The heart just needs a little healing now.

So I know that everything in my life has happend for a reason. What explains this best is a song from Carrie Underwood called "Lessons Learned"

There's some things that I regret
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change life has thrown me,
I'm thankful for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
Bit it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change life has thrown me,
I'm thankful for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
'Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall rom my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change life has thrown me,
I'm thankful for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.

I'm sure a lot of you could relate to these lyrics. And the lyrics came back into my head today and it seemed to fit my mood so thought I would post them up here.

I'm ready to move on from this hurt. Gone but not forgotten for now. It'll be ok...

Weird medical issues?

So lately I've been having some issues which I believe to be connected to my health. It's really weird. I was with my dad at an installation he was being installed at and I almost passed out. It's the weirdest feeling ever. My heart started racing, my ears started to ring, I started to sweat, my head was pounding, I started to get weak, my vision went white and I almost passed out. It was when I was standing at the beginning of the ceremony and then every time I stood after that it would start to come back. Now those of you that know me know I don't like being the center of attention so it would have been awful to go down, but I'm sure I was that close.

The reasoning behind it remains a mystery. I am prone to panic attacks when I get stressed and/or nervous, but I didn't feel stressed or nervous. I was my normal self, taking pictures for my dad, enjoying an evening with my family. Now for the past few days (since that day) I seem to be getting dizzy more often and have no idea why. I'm hoping it's not something serious. I have a clean bill of health for my heart, but it could be my blood pressure or blood sugar or something like that...who knows.

All I know is it's making me pretty nervous, especially if this begins to happen more regularly. Maybe the panic attacks I got as a teenager are getting worse. That would not be good. Any thoughts and/or suggestions? Anyone ever experience similar situations or symptoms?

Looking forward to a new adventure

Let's face it...sometimes your life just gets into a rut, right? You know what I'm talking about. The day to day activities are just that...the same thing from day to day. During the week it's quite simple, I wake up (way too early I might add!), I exercise, I get ready for work, I go to work, I get out of work and go home, sometimes exercise, eat dinner, and then sit in my chair on the computer until I go to bed and wake up the next morning to do it all over again. Now sometimes there is a little variety in my routine. Maybe I'll go out to dinner on a night, or something, but typically it's my regular routine. Sound exciting? Wait until you hear about the excitement of the weekends...I get up (get to sleep a little later!), exercise, go to church (on Sundays), go to work (on Saturdays), come home and sit in the chair on the computer. Exciting? Yeah, not so much.

I get tired of doing the same old thing from day to day. I'm only 24 years old, I should have a life and I should be living the life. I guess I'm not really sure how I do that. I've been working since age 15, and typically on weekends I had to be up at 4:30 in the morning to get to work, so I never had the opportunity to stay out late. Also I never had a whole lot of friends...just my little group, and now they are all busy either working or spending time with their signficant others (which I don't get to do all that often), and so I'm stuck in my routine.

So yes I am looking forward to my new job (which is not starting as of June 1 like originally planned). I think the variety in the job will help me get out of this rut I'm in. There is a lot more traveling involved with the position, and I like to travel, so that will be good. I also noticed I have missed the going out part of the job I had as a reporter, and the covering breaking news. The rush I got when I did that live spot on the radio about the guy arrested for attacking and raping a Utica girl was such a rush. Although the story was sad and disturbing, I got to tell the story and watch as it unfolded. Same thing with covering the breaking news of the women's body found behind a firehouse...there's something about breaking news that just gets your adrenaline flowing. Any reporter knows what I'm talking about. So being able to travel and go see different areas of the state (and Pennsylvania) and going to different events, I think it's going to be a good thing.

Although I'm happy and exciting about starting a new chapter of my life, some things never change when it comes to the routine...and for now we'll deal with that. What the future holds for me, only God knows, but for now I'll enjoy the journey.

Needle in a Haystack

You ever get that feeling like you're searching for a needle in a haystack? No matter what you will never find what you're looking for? Sometimes I feel like that. I'm scrambling around just trying to figure out where my life is heading or where I am supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing. Everything happens for a reason. I know that. God puts you where you are supposed to be at that time. With everything I've gone through, I've always landed on my feet.

I've always been a religious person. Been going to church my entire life. Your life is mapped out when you're a kid. You go to school. You participate in extracurricular activities. You go to church. Your parents pretty much take control and lead you through life, pretty much until you graduate from high school. Granted when you're in high school you get some freedom. You get to date, you can have summer jobs or jobs in general, you get to go out with your friends. But there's also a certain aspect of expectation placed on you to live up to your parents standards. You still follow their rules and have to listen to them or you won't be dating or going out with friends. Every teenager wants that freedom. They want to get away from that "expectation" and the "control" that parents have. I was never that type of kid. Rarely went out late at night, rarely dated (if you went to my school you'd know why!). I was a homebody. I liked being surrounded by my family and liked going out with my parents when they went shopping or out to dinner. Both my sisters didn't want to be seen with my parents when they got older, different personalities I guess.

But then you graduate high school, now what? Now your parents have let the reigns go. Now YOU decide what you want to do. I know I still felt pressure from my parents to continue schooling and go to college. I don't think I HAD to by any means. My parents would have supported my decision to not go to college, but they knew I could do more. My grades would only get me into a community college, but there I blossomed and after 2 years got accepted as a transfer at my original first choice college, which, for me, was a huge accomplishment. In my opinion, a female in the working field today, needs to have that bachelor's degree to compete with any men going for a certain position. It shows what you've accomplished and that you're a hard worker and able to compete in today's workforce. Then you graduate college...now what? There's no roadmap layed out like when you were a child. Now you're on your own. Parents will guide you and offer input if you ask, but essentially you're an adult. It's time to make decisions.

Getting my first full-time job was a huge accomplishment for me. Working there for a year gave me some graet experience. The day I was laid off I felt like my world was crumbling around me. But as I mention, everything happens for a reason. The shortest unemployment in history ended the same day it happened as I received a "part-time with benefits" job. That would at least keep me working until I found another job. When I thought everything around me was crumbling, it was God holding my hand, leading me to the next place I was supposed to be.

Most recently it was God standing by me as I first received the job at the Girl Scouts and a few weeks ago when I re-interviewed and received my first choice job in the new Girl Scout council.

Yeah, everything happens for a reason, now looking forward, I'm very excited about what the future will bring in both my working career and my life. Sometimes it's hard searching for that needle in a haystack, but in the end, the journey is well worth it.

Missing the days of camp...

Did you ever go to camp as a child? If not I think you missed out on something pretty amazing. I went to camp for a week every summer from about 5th grade to 9th grade (when I got too busy and started working during my summers). It always gave me something to look forward to every summer. So what brought on this reminscing about camp?

Yesterday at church it was "Camping Sunday." They brought in someone from my old camp to tell stories, sing campfire songs, and make s'mores with the kids. See the camp I went to every year was a Christian Camp, called Pathfinder Lodge. It's right outside Cooperstown, NY, and it was amazing. The days we went were interesting in the beginning...plain old log cabins with bunk beds, dirty bathrooms, no showers, but it was ok. It was part of the adventure of camping. If we wanted to shower we had to "Polar Bear" it, which meant getting up at like 6 in the morning and going down to the lake (which was VERY VERY VERY cold) that early in the morning, and we bathed in our bathing suits. By the time I went for my last year of camping, they had showers and were beginning to build new "cabins" which now look like suites. Totally insulated and away from the elements. I should go back and see how many of those have replaced the actual cabins. So during Camping Sunday I started to think about the friends I made and wish I had kept in contact with. I also sang and did the motions to every camping song they sang (it's a wonder how fast it all comes back). The campfires were awesome. Every night you got to gather around a campfire and sing the songs you learned, they told a story and ended the campfire in prayer, before the counselors led you back to the cabins. It was such a wonderful feeling to be surrounded by all these people that felt the same way as you and didn't care who you were. You were all there to have a good time and connect as Christians.

Of course there was swimming and arts and crafts at camp. They often played soccer, volleyball, and took you out on the boats. They had a camp shop to buy items and a snack shop. There was often some free time in the day where you could pretty much do what you wanted, so you'd hang out in the water or go do some arts and crafts. Also during the week they would label a few days, like "Backwords Day". That was my favorite, you dressed backwords, some people walked backwords, and the best part was eating your dessert first (it was backwords day after all!) You even had to sing for your mail during the week. That was pretty embarrasing, but in hindsight, very funny.

You know you think as a kid how great it would be to grow up and be able to do things you can't as a kid. I remember hearing people tell me that you whould enjoy being a kid as long as possible, and I guess I never understood that until looking back on what I've done throughout my life. I was anxious to get my first job at 14, and I did, but I can honestly say I finally realize...they were right. You should enjoy being a kid. You have the rest of your life to be an adult. I'll be working for the rest of my life. For now I love what I'm doing but my little trip down memory lane has taught me to appreciate everything in life. You don't know how much longer you'll be able to do it or hold onto it. Everything in life is precious, don't take it for granted.

It can really be done!!

Those of you that have ever fought with your weight can probably relate. Sitting in front of the television eating snack after snack, going out to grab fast food because it's easy, drinking soda morning, noon, and night. I used to do all that. Not that I don't feel the urge to splurge once in awhile but I come back to the fact that it's just not worth it.

My mom and I have been members of Weight Watchers for 7 months now. We went in skeptical about if this would even work. We'd both tried our own "diets" and could never make it work. We'd drop a couple pounds here or there but nothing substantial or long-term. Well get this, between the two of us we have lost 81 pounds. That's pretty amazing, right? I think the hardest part was walking through those doors. I had vowed to myself back in September that if I got this job at the Girl Scouts I would go to Weight Watchers and start to take care of myself. I think it was God's way of saying "you're worth it." Before all of this I didn't feel like I was. I wasn't happy in the job I was in, I wasn't happy about working nights all the time, and I was unhappy about the way I looked, so it was time for a change. We went to our first meeting in the beginning of October and have been going every Thursday since. The great thing about Weight Watchers is it's not just a diet where you lose weight and then go off the program food or whatever and put it back on. I hear so much about people going back to their old habits. This is about breaking those habits and creating a new way of life for you. You eat regular foods and you're allowed to have cookies and ice cream, you just have to write it down and use your points for it.

I'm gradually changing my way of living. I don't crave sweets as much and I used to have a Mountain Dew everyday. I've looked at the Mountain Dew now and it has like over 300 calories in a bottle I drank everyday, it's not worth it! I don't eat fast food. I'll go to Subway now and get a sub. I do still go out to dinner occassionally but am a little more aware of what I order there or cut down the portion size. I must be doing something right since I've dropped 39 pounds so far. Weight Watchers sets a goal for you to reach while on the program. Once you reach the goal you become a lifetime Weight Watchers member. I still have another 41 pounds to go, but I'm getting there! It's a week-by-week battle. I now exercise every single morning, and go to the gym on Saturday mornings. I've also gotten into the habit of exercising 3 or 4 nights a week as well. When I have a setback (like the trip to Vegas) I get right back on track the next week. I'm beginning to learn that it's just not worth it to splurge on sweets. I'd much rather be healthy. Exercising makes me feel better and I feel better about myself and buying new clothes (in smaller sizes!!)

So when I hear people complain about slipping back into their old routines or complain about not being able to lose weight, I point out that it can be done. My mom and I are living proof of that. When we both get down to our goal weights, we've decided to write a book describing our accomplishments and the hard work and energy that went into it. We both deserve it, and finally we see that!

Loving it

I'm finally happy. Happy about almost everything!

The call came in Friday evening. I got my first choice job with the new Girl Scout council. As of June 1 I will be the Media Manager, which focuses more on what I'm interested in then my current job does. Currently I do everything communications related, whether it be press releases, covering events the council holds, writing grants, designing and writing publications, etc. Now I will be communicating with media from throughout the 26 counties our council will serve. I'll be writing press releases, securing coverage for our council events, covering council events, and so on. 60% of the time I will be traveling throughout the council jurisdiction, which I'm really excited about. I like to travel and get out and meet people, so it'll be great to have this opportunity. My homebase will still be in the New Hartford office since I was told you get to choose the office you want to work out of. It's great! The stress from all of this has finally come to an end since I actually know where I'll be a month from now. As it got down to the point where you didn't know where you were going to be in 2 or 3 months, everyone around here was on edge, but as soon as I got the call I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders. This is where I'm supposed to be and I'm excited about this new challenge and this new opportunity. Did I mention I get like a $6,000 raise? Yeah...sweet, right?

The celebrations are coming this weekend! My parents are taking me out to dinner on Saturday to celebrate. I'm hoping to be able to save up for a computer and a car, so I should be able to do that now that I'll be making more. I'm excited. I feel bad though since some of our co-workers aren't moving on...it's hard to be excited for myself but also know that they didn't get positions. It's hard.

I know I said I'm finally happy about almost everything in my life, but my work sometimes is all I have. I don't get to see my friends too much because they're busy working too (have to make a living somehow), and I don't get to see my boyfriend much because he doesn't live around here, but for once in my life it doesn't matter much. I'm happy, and right now...nothing can change that!

One of those days

Have you ever had one of those days where when you wake up you just know nothings going to go right? It's one of those days where you wonder what the point of even trying is? You just know that you'll screw up whatever you do and have to redo it so you're better off sitting there twiddling your thumbs? Yeah...it's one of those days.

Two pieces of chocolate cake did not agree with me yesterday and I woke up with a pounding headache. However after doing horrible at my weigh in yesterday I knew that I needed to exercise and had convinced myself that I was going to get up and do so, so I did. The running on the treadmill agravated my head and in the shower this morning I was just ready to curl up in the bottom of the shower and let the water hit me. I've done that before when I have an awful headache, and it seems to help. I felt a little better after the shower but I sat in the chair this morning and dozed off for about 10 minutes. I'm lucky I woke up to come to work. I can barely keep my eyes open today. And I can barely look at the computer screen today as my head is just saying "you don't want to do anything, do you?" I'm looking at the clock and am happy that there's only 2 hours left in the day. I hope to go home and exercise again (laughs...riiiiight) and maybe eat lunch (not sure if I'll eat or just curl up on the couch) and then I'll lay down for a nap. I need it today. I have to get up at 4:30 in the morning tomorrow to work at 6, that's an early shift! I don't do that often, and there's a reason for it! The good part is I can actually enjoy the day outside because I'm not working the whole day. I hope to go for a nice long walk since it'll be in the mid to upper 80's! Gonna drag Rich with me to go for a walk. Perfect day for it.

All I need to do right now is shake this headache. I always know that too much chocolate (especially dark chocolate) gives me a headache but I'm a freaking sucker for chocolate so I eat it anyway. You think I'd learn. I always tell myself that you can do without, but it never works that way. I wish I could remember how I feel right now and that would be the biggest incentive to staying away from chocolate. So here I go to kill 2 more hours of time...any suggestions?

Vegas Baby!!

Coming back from a vacation is always a challenge. At least I seem to think so. Vacations are necessary in order to relax and rejuvinate, but eventually they all must come to an end and you have to get back to the "real world" I guess. This was one of the biggest vacations I have ever taken, and the best and most memorable. I love all my vacations I have been able to take and I carry memories with me forever, but this one was just so huge and one of the most costly. Was it worth it? Hell yeah! So here's my Vegas vacation in a nutshell. If you're thinking about going to Vegas, it comes highly recommended!

We hit the ground running in Vegas. Plane landed around 2 p.m., and with the 3 hour time difference, it was like 5 p.m. our time, which made for a long day since we were in the air at 6:20 that morning. We had to wait awhile for our pre-booked shuttle from the airport to the hotel, but we checked into the hotel around 3:30 p.m. We changed and got ready for an afternoon/night out on the town. We eventually found the bus and paid our $3 to take the bus to the strip (we stayed in a downtown hotel - cheaper and not as noisy at night). Then we went to the Caesars Forum Shops where we wandered around and found the Apple store so Rich could check that out. Then we went to the Fall of Atlantis Show which was very cool. We ate shortly after at the Cheesecake Factory. When we went back outside it was dark, which was great because it made for some great nighttime photos. You know how you see great nighttime photos of Vegas online? Well being there in person is 100 times better! I was like a kid at Christmas. I couldn't stop looking at everything. We wandered around for a bit and made our way to the Flamingo Hotel and Casino. There we found the Wildlife Habitat, which was cool. They had flamingos, different types of fish, ducks, lots of cool areas to wander and explore. After that we decided to do one last thing for the evening and that was to see the Bellagio Fountains. They are absolutely amazing! Nothing beats seeing those. It is totally and completely incredible! Nothing else I have ever seen compares to that.

The next day started out early. I think we weren't completely used to the time change yet, despite not going to bed until 10:30, which was like 1:30 a.m. our time. We got up at 6:30 a.m., took showers and went for our free breakfast at the hotel. Then it was time to explore again. The weather was calling for Temps in the 90s so it was time to lather up with sunscreen, grabbed our cameras, and out the door. This time we bought the 24-hour bus pas for $7, well worth it, let me tell you, you don't want to walk the entire time! We headed to the furthest end of the strip away from our hotel and got off at the Luxor Hotel. That's an amazing hotel to see from the outside. It's lined with egyptian items. We continued our way down, checking out the Excalibur Hotel and the New York New York Hotel. We then made our way to the MGM Grand, where there is a lion habitat. The lions were cool to see. The next stop was a must, the M&M World! 4 stories of M&M Goodness! Needless to say I bought some stuff from there and brought home stuff for the family (we actually went twice to the M&M World! - It was THAT good!) Following that we were both getting kind of tired and very hot, so we decided to stop at our final place for the day and that was the Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat at the Mirage Hotel. This was what I was most excited about while visiting. I collect dolphin items so it was off we went to that. $15 to get in, but while worth it! I watched the dolphins play and swim for probably a good 45 minutes and got tons of pictures! Then we headed into the Secret Garden place. They took our pictures, which we later bought. They had lions, llamas, ducks, tigers, tons of cool animals in the secret garden. Most were trying to seek shade because they were hot. On the way out we stopped in the gift shop and I got a stuffed dolphin and a souvenir to go in my collection. Once we made it back to the hotel we immediately threw on our bathing suits and headed to the pool. Great day to lay out by the pool and cool down. We then showered and had dinner in the hotel before heading back out to go to our big show, Penn & Teller! It was a good show, funny, and Rich got their autographs so I think he was excited about that. That had to be his favorite part of the trip for sure.

For Monday, our last full day there, we began our day a little later, about 9:30 a.m., got used to the time change just in time to go back home the next day. We ate our free breakfast again and bought our 24-hour pass again. We started off at a huge gift shop and bought sovenirs for the family and friends. Then we visited Circus Circus Hotel. By about 11 in the morning it was already around 95 degrees so we were very hot. We climbed on the bus and I got off at the Fashion Show Mall while Rich headed to a ham radio shop out there. I promptly got a cold Starbucks drink and made my way to the Caesars Forum Shops where I sat in the air conditioning for awhile just people watching. Then I finally decided I was hot and miserable so I headed back to the hotel and told Rich I'd meet him there. I took a nice nap :) He didn't get back until around 3 so we relaxed for a bit before heading back out and going to dinner at Outback Steakhouse. We then made our way back down the strip to the Venetian, which is cool with the gondola rides and the Mirage, which starting at 8 p.m. every hour has a volcano show where a real volcano eruptes. That was amazing as well! After that it was time to head back to the hotel. We dropped off our purchases and changed before heading down to right below our hotel for the Fremont Street Experience. Cool lights, shows, and tons of people were down there. We hung out for awhile before heading back up to pack up our stuff. We were in bed around 11 p.m. and up at 2:30 a.m. We had to catch our shuttle to the airport at 3:30 a.m. We were sitting at our gate by 4:30 and our flight took off at 6:30. We were home safe and sound at 4 p.m. (our time)

We squeezed so much into those three days that if you go it is recommended to take a week to do everything. We hope to go back as we didn't do everything we had wanted to. Wish I had more time to do some gambling. It's always nice to be home, but vacations are necessary to stay sane with working ALL the time! Highly recommended with 5 stars!!

Dreary Monday

I hate days like this. It's a day you just want to be curled up in bed with the one you love watching TV or movies all day. I hate it especially on a Monday because it's hard enough getting up to go back to work, and the rain just makes me want to go crawl back under my covers. It's supposed to be a nasty week here, rain today, snow tomorrow and Wednesday, but Thursday there is supposed to be sunshine, which would be good. No walking this week I guess, unless by some miracle the forecast changes.

This is another week closer to the trip to Vegas. Can't wait, especially when it's nasty like this, it's in the 70's in Vegas, and we're stuck in the 30's and 40's so yeah as you can imagine, I can't wait! Only 12 days left, two weeks essentially and to say I'm excited is an understatement. I think I'm not even most excited about seeing Vegas. I'm most excited about going with Rich. We don't get to see each other much. Although after the trip things will go back the way they were which doesn't make me entirely happy but I don't know what else to do about that. I just wish it were easier and I didn't get as emotional as I do about it, but it is who I am and when I'm upset, you know. Not something easy for me to hide.

Ok, well no point in getting upset about it now, 12 days until Vegas! After the trip (which I'm sure will go WAY too fast) then I can go back to being upset about the way things are *shrugs* it is what it is I keep telling myself.

Busy day at work today so guess I should get going on work stuff.

Children's Miracle Network

Have you ever known a family who has a sick child? What about a family that has to travel to get care for that sick child? An hour of travel time could mean the difference between life and death. That's one of the many reasons I support the Children's Miracle Network.

Yesterday and today there has been a CMN radioathon on Lite, and it really is one of my favorite times of the year. The stories they put to music are heartbreaking. Can you imagine a doctor or nurse telling you they don't know if you're child is going to live? They live because of the community's support of Children's Miracle Network. I encourage everyone to support their local children's miracle network. Even if you don't have children or grandchildren in the area, someone else somewhere else is supporting the Children's Miracle Network where your child or grandchild lives and making sure they get care if they ever need it, so you can do the same for children locally. It could mean the difference between life and death for a child. Or imagine a child born 8 weeks early weighing just 2 pounds, your donation could help that child grow and have a chance to see the world.

Just a little bit can go a long way! So I encourage you to support the local Children's Miracle Network!

25 days until the trip of a lifetime!!

Ok so maybe it's not that great, but I need a vacation so I'll take anything I can get right now. 25 days seems like forever, but in reality it'll be here before I know it. I can't believe March will be over next week. Where did February and March go? It's flown by. So yes Las Vegas is only 25 days away. I'm looking forward to the visit, the sightseeing, spending time with my boyfriend (that probably tops it all) and even the flight. I'm getting excited just thinking about it. I'm not a flyer. I don't like heights or flying, but it's exciting!! Just to get away from here, if nothing else.

I'm kind of funny when it comes to vacations. I'm a planner (just ask my boyfriend) I'm crazy when it comes to planning things. I've already started a list of things I need to pack and started a list of things we need to do while out there and started to break it down by days. I'm just so excited about everything! I can't wait.

So I'm sure I will occassionaly update you as the time comes closer.

I lost another 2 pounds last week, so up to 32.6 pounds. Some people can't believe I've lost that much...others mention it and say I inspire them, while that's good, but to do it you really have to want to do it. I'm hoping by my Vegas trip I'm close to 40 pounds...see I take it week by week, or set short-term goals that are reachable, you can't think of everything you have to lose because then you'll just get frustrated. If I thought at the beginning that I needed to lose 80 pounds (which is what I wanted to lose) then it would just seem so far off, and not reachable. I've also run into people who tell me to keep the clothes I grow out of. My question is why? So many people say they want to have fat clothes and skinny clothes. I don't want to give myself any reason to go back up to that weight. I feel better about myself. It's getting easier for me, and I love the compliments I get from people. I said no to chocolate cake last week, and the cupcakes here at work don't look good to me this week, so it's getting easier. I even tried on a dress, YES A DRESS! I don't do dresses, but it didn't look awful on me. I might actually buy a dress at somepoint! I'm loving it! So I'm doing well. Between my mom and me we've lost a total of 66 pounds! Can you believe it? We're doing great! :)

But the bottom line is, I need my vacation! LOL

Cookies, Cake, Candy

It's everywhere! You can't escape it! It chases you down and makes you eat it!

Ok maybe it's not that bad, but as a person who loves sweets, it is awfully hard to say no to all the temptations around. That's why I wonder if when I get down to my goal weight (only 48 pounds to go!) I will be able to stay there. They say it takes about a year to completely change your eating habits. My problem is...if it's there, I eat it. Had halfmoons this week, a canoli, two slices of cake...I'm a sucker. I have to get back on track for next week. I'm really trying, but it is SOOOOO hard lately. People also talk about emotional eating, and I Can see that. If you're stressed, you eat, if you're sad, you eat, if you're tired, you eat...I think that's how I got where I did because I am an emotional eater. It's time to shake that habit. Sweets make me feel better for some reason. Maybe if I could eliminate some of these bad emotions I'm having it would help too. That's hard to do though. Stress is an inevitable for me, sadness is too right now unfortunately, tiredness I've gotten used to going to bed if I'm tired...not going to grab an ice cream or something.

I've been proud of my 30 pound loss so far, so I can't slip up now. After all that hard work I'm moving forward. I will reach my goal (hopefully) by the end of this year! It'll be hard, but I can't live like I used to. I wasn't happy with myself. I'm feeling better and loving it. Now if only some other things in my life would change for the better, it would be a wonderful feeling!