Gearing up for the biggest event of my life...

So what do you think of when you see that title? Not yet marriage or a child...so what could it be? Well the best event in the country of course! Boilermaker Sunday is fast approaching...it's a 15K run throughout the great streets of our city. No, I'm not taking part in the 15K run because I really don't want to die yet. I am however, for the first time, participating in some Boilermaker festivities. Their are a ton of opportunities to take part in the Boilermaker every year. This year, I am walking, with my parents, in the 3-mile walk. I tell people 3 miles and they say that that's no big deal...but for me, it is. I've never walked 3-miles before. That is until this week. Two days this week I walked on the treadmill for 3 miles so I'm ready and prepared for it! The walk takes place on Saturday and I think I'm ready to do it! I'm sure I'll be sore the next day as right now my legs and back are killing me from the two days of 3-mile walking, but I'm ready and excited!

On Sunday I'm taking part in another way. Last year my dad and I were up at like 6 a.m. to go watch the racers. This year, for the third non-consecutive year, I am working at the station for the Boilermaker Music Marathon...two hours of commercial-free music for the runners. It's great music too! Music we don't play normally, but it's upbeat and I love working during it because it'll get me going. I just hope I'm not in a huge amount of pain by the time I have to get up to work.

So my weekend is jam-packed full of fun stuff. The great thing is my weekend gets going at 5 p.m. today as I took tomorrow off and am spending the day at Enchanted Forest/Water Safari. I'm actually getting excited about spending the day there and getting to go on some water rides. Aww...fun times! Let the weekend begin *looks at clock* ok...4 hours to go...then let the weekend begin!

Hoping for a change of heart...

It's a Monday. That should be enough said...Monday's are typically not good days. Yet, usually I can get motivated enough on a Monday to accomplish something. Anything would do. Granted I did accomplish a couple press releases and getting ready for my meeting tomorrow...but I'm just down in the dumps.

Now it could be the fact that I had to come back after a 3-day weekend...noone likes that. It could be the fact that I desperately need a vacation and it's still a month and a half away. But it's none of that...I know exactly what it is. It's the fact that after a long weekend with him I'm back home...alone...and miserable. Lately it seems that sometimes it hurts more to be with him and then have to leave then it does to just talk online. That I can deal with...it's the leaving part that is becoming almost too hard to handle. At least for the summer I know the next time I'll get to spend time with him...but then what? We're both too busy and wrapped up in whatever to make it happen as often as it should...often going months on end without spending any quality time together.

Why do they say absence makes the heart grow fonder? It sucks...bottom line. Maybe because it's been 3 and a half years, but it sucks. In hindsight I wonder if I knew how hard it would be if things would have been different for me. I just wonder why...

I'm an independent woman for crying out loud...I don't need a guy to make me happy, right? Well apparently that's BS also. I look back at high school and college when all my friends had guys and I was quite content being on my own. I didn't need anyone. I was focused on my schooling and my career. Building myself up in my career has always been my number one priority.

Then he came along. Swept me off my feet (not literally...although that would have been interesting). It wasn't bad at first because we did get to see each other more because he was working more up here so I knew I would see him and we went out occassionally. Plus I was still building myself up in my career, and it still came first. Until recently it never really bothered me that we didn't see each other that much. Maybe now because I'm settled in my career, and quite HAPPY about where I am for the first time in a long time. I guess now I want the relationship to progress like my career did but now we seem to be stuck in the same place we have been for over a year. I guess with neither of us willing to relocate now things are going to remain this way for awhile.

I'm just not sure how much more my heart can take. It feels like it's in pieces...