It's the new year...does it really matter?

First and foremost, Happy New Year! Hope everyone has a wonderful 2008 and hope you had a happy and safe celebration to ring in the new year.

Me...well I was in tears shortly before midnight and shortly after midnight...a freaking wonderful way to ring in the new year. I should be used to disappointments. Lately that seems to come more often then not. In my relationship, I understand it comes as a package deal. I've been ok with that, but now that we're heading into our second anniversary it's beginning to take a toll. I never get to see him, except on Saturdays for a short time, and in between if I get to, he has to bring his daughter along. I love her, I really do, but in some cases you need some "adult" time as well. I'm so not ready to be thrown into the full-time role that he seems to be trying to get out of me. He says he loves spending time with "both of his girls," but I just don't know. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm getting in over my head, especially since he seems to have me in tears more times then not lately.

We were supposed to spend New Years together, with my family...but I get a phone call at 8:30 or so and he says he has no one to watch his daughter. That's what he gets for not planning something out. So yeah...I'm disappointed and upset and feel like I have no right to be. He says him and his daughter are coming out today (new years day) to spend the day with me. Mind you I'm sick with a cold and really not feeling good, and really have no patience for a 5-year-old right now. Again, I feel bad for this. So I do some thinking and despite how much I desperately wanted and needed to see him, I send him an e-mail at 1 a.m. and tell him not to come out. I need to rest to get over this cold and my mom, who has been sick lately too, doesn't want his daughter running around the house, I can't blame her. So now I'm sure I've upset him and again feel bad, although I think I'm in the right here.

I guess I was hoping he would get a message out of this. So now I don't get to see him until Saturday, and that's only if he decides to come up early to see me. I just don't know if all this pain and me being upset is worth it.

I guess only time will tell just where we're headed...