As the position is officially open at WIBX I tell myself I should go for it. Maybe I've just gotten too comfortable at the paper. Starting something new always makes me very nervous and that's probably part of the problem. I shouldn't be nervous, I have worked with these people for the past 5 years, and known some of them longer then that. They are great people and radio is my passion...right? I'd get to do the news on the air and do the reporting end of things. I'll also get to keep doing my voicetracking for Lite as I was told that could be added into my salary, which by the way is way more then I'm making now, and I wouldn't have the added expense of gas weekly. I'm sure I'd be able to make it a couple weeks on a tank of gas. So you can say the pros definitely outway the cons...so why am I so undecided?
I kinda think I'm afraid to give radio the full-time chance and I'm afraid of leaving newspapers. People always say doing something new is difficult, so what I need to do is be able to take a leap of faith and jump into it knowing that I am doing this to advance my career.
At the same time I can't stop thinking about Rich. This gig at IBX is a night gig where I'd be working at like 2 and until I get done with my meetings...I would also have to have time to voicetrack for Lite somewhere in there. So what does this all mean? Not talking to him most days and not seeing him as much as I am now...I've always said a guy would never be factored into a decision that would advance my career...but that was before I fell head over heels in love with him. I admit seeing him once a week is better then none, and I'm accepting that...it's just hard. I would also have most weekends off. I would be working like once every third Saturday or something and it would be really early in the morning.
See how confused I am? I just need to believe that this is where I'm supposed to be going with my career. I have another meeting with them to discuss pay and hours and the job on Thursday so I guess we'll go from there. I also talked to my editor at work. She of course said she didn't want to lose me, but she also wished me luck at getting the job and said it would be hard to replace me. She knows radio is what I ultimately really want to do.
So yes I'm torn and if you have any suggestions I would love to hear them. As of now I'm trying to keep focus on the present and see what happens on Thursday. I'll definitely be back to keep you posted. So stay tuned...
