Life...

So I just figured I have a little bit of time to kill before I have to head out for the day...so here I am updating my blog. First...exciting news came out this past week. Carrie Underwood is coming back to the New York State Fair. It's actually very rare that an artist comes two years in a row. I don't think I remember a time when that actually happened. So...I'm planning on going again this year...and this time Rich actually said he'd go with me...I don't even have to drag him along. The concerts in August and tickets go on sale the end of June. I'm more then excited...lol. I don't know why but I'm just a fan of Carrie. *shrugs* it is what it is I suppose :) That was the good news for the week. This week and next week I am playing the part of "Editor" at the Telegram since our editors are each off for a week, starting this week and continuing next week. I'm nervous about it...it seems like a lot of work. I know it's good experience but I love to write and I won't be able to do much writing when I'm playing the Editor role. I'm sure after I do it more I'll get better at it, but right now I'm just a little nervous about the whole thing. I hope I don't screw up too much. Oh well, new things are always nerve racking at first. I'll keep you posted after I complete my first week of it. I'm an emotional person. Anyone that knows me probably already knows that. People who know me also know that I don't talk about my feelings very much. It's part of the "Middle Child Syndrome" I think. I would just get lost in the shuffle and soon realized that it wasn't worth trying to talk to anyone about what I was feeling. I shut down when I get upset. I curl up in my bed and sometimes just let it all out. Maybe it's not the most effective way, but from what I've been through, people just don't listen to me so it's not worth showing them that side of me. Sometimes I try. I'll talk to my older sis once in awhile, but she's always been someone I can talk to about anything from the family to guys to jobs. I don't get to talk to her as much anymore because she does live in Boston and her job and boyfriend keep her busy. I guess my point to all of this is that I am not a very vocal person when it comes to my feelings. And because of that all of my relationships seem to be twice as hard at times. :( It's just so easy to be able to be with the ones I love. Not so easy to share things...I'm working on that, and have gotten better at it...but the ones who need to know how I feel will...that's all that matters right now. And now I have to get ready to go out with Amanda and Anthony...a couple friends, so I'll keep ya posted :)

A Sunday night

So I'm sitting here at 8 p.m. on Sunday with blue streaks in my hair and not much else to do. Curious? I figured. Well it's been a long time since I've done highlights and my roots were really grown in and I wanted to get it done again so my "hairdresser" my mom did the streaks for me. She's not really a hairdresser. Just plays the part when I want to do my highlights. I don't pay hundreds of dollars to get my done. I buy the herbal esscenses highlights, which works really well. I always get compliments from hairdressers who think it's professionally done, so I'll take it. Problem is I sit here for a half hour before I get to take a shower and I get bored. Anyway, it's Mother's Day and my mom had a good day I think...she got some things she wanted and then we had roast turkey in the crock pot, mashed potatoes, gravy and veggies. One thing about such a great meal is the clean-up...hate doing that part, but it's the price you have to pay for having a great meal. You also get some great leftovers, some of which I'll be taking to work tomorrow for lunch. Can't complain about that. I've also attracted another fun cold, for some reason the colds enjoy me. This is my second one in a few months, and even for me that's a lot. So was on the air for 6 hours yesterday with this fun cold, most people told me that I sounded good despite it, so that's good. Then I had to voicetrack for 10 1/2 hours and it took me nearly 4 to actually do it because I kept having coughing fits and had to take a break to regain my voice and soothe my throat again. What fun is that? Umm...yeah...none. I made it though and am feeling much better today. Still some throat and nose issues, but it could be worse. Friday my head felt like it was going to explode. I had lots of things I had wanted to do on Friday but it got put on the back burner. I went to work, got out early because I had to work Friday night, came home by noon and was passed out on the couch for 3 or so hours. Went out to eat with my parents then went back into work. Speaking of work...ugh...I'm so tired of these gas prices and having to travel so much with them this bad. In addition to that I'm so worn out being short a reporter and so much crap falling on my shoulders. Believe it or not I've started yet another job search. Don't know if anything's going to come of it but I would love to find something closer to home so I don't have to travel that much, and night things are just not easy for me anymore. That's one of the main reasons I left WIBX, that and wanting something full time. I'm tired of covering things at night. Plus I don't even break even in my paycheck with the amount I spend on gas, they pay NOTHING to workers who bust their ass keeping the paper going. Ok...gonna stop there 'cause I'm getting myself upset. Hmm...what else to say? I miss Rich...don't I always say that? That should tell me something...but it doesn't. I just wish we both didn't have to work so much so we could actually spend some "quality" time together. Wishful thinking I know...I'm 22...you know how many more years of working I have ahead of me? Maybe I should just win the lottery now and get it over with, or better yet just die...not as fun but would keep me from having to deal of this torture called full-time employment. By the way, it's May 13...that means exactly 4 months before my birthday, so you better start shopping for me...it's gonna take that long for you to find something that I'm going to like :) Anyway, I don't know if it's almost showertime, but I have nothing else to say and now I've depressed myself so I'm going to go cuddle up with my blankie and mope, that's always good for a Sunday.

Is it worth it?

That question just keeps coming to my mind. I'm getting stressed and worked up about the littlest things. I'd tell people not to take it personally...but sometimes I wish some people would care a little more about what I want. It doesn't matter...it never matters. I'm the middle child, I should be used to not getting what I want. I used to always get lost in the shuffle and as I get older I begin to wonder if anything's really changed when it comes to that. Maybe it's all a matter of me needing to do something for myself for once. I always try to please everyone else, maybe I should start to say screw everyone else. I'll go into hiding for awhile and make people seek me out if they want anything from me. I'm so used to trying to please everyone, well I think that has to change. I can't physically, emotionally or mentally take that anymore. I'll go to work, come home and go to work again before bed, nothing else. It's not worth it anymore. That's the end of the story...