Yeah...another overnight...

You see...I can't not post an entry when I do my overnights...guess I get that bored. I've also determined that when I'm tired...such as when I have to do an overnight...I get very emotional and "clingy" in a sense. I guess it's just the fact that I'm able to do more thinking when I'm alone at the station. And me doing thinking...never a good thing. What do I think about? I can't exactly devulge that type of information...or I'd have to kill you. But you could probably guess what it involves. Moving on...this weekend has really sucked. Not because I've had two overnights...that sucks too, but I have seriously felt like complete shit since Friday...and I'm not exactly sure why. I don't know...maybe I'm skirting around a bug or something. I also think I was dehydrated from not drinking enough water. The heat could have been taking a toll on me lately too and I could have had heat exhausation...which makes me feel light headed and ache all over...so I don't know. The only thing I do know is I'm feeling 100 times better then I did on Friday. Still have a slight headache which just wants to hold on, but I feel better other then that. This is also the first time I actually considered calling my boss and telling him I couldn't go work. Even though it is an overnight and I hate those, I would have felt bad...so I'm glad I was able to make it for them both...plus an extra 6 hours isn't too bad when the pay day rolls around. I'm back to WIBX this week. Kind of depressing in a way because I've been spoiled working during the day and having my nights off. I've been able to watch some shows that I haven't been able to in awhile. However, I have missed working on IBX. I've also felt kind of bad. They've been shorthanded lately because I've been putting in all my time over at Lite. Covering some of the meetings gets really long and tiring, but then I have those other meetings that are kind of exciting and different and I get to meet new people. So now I know that if I don't get the full time position on Lite...it's not going to be the end of the world. I still don't mind working on IBX. I just would love having something full time which would give me my nights off and maybe not make me so freaking stressed. Anyway...the fun filled overnight continues...is it time to go home yet?

Yeah...It Doesn't Get Easier...

I'm happy. I don't get to say that too often...but lately I really have been happy. Not always...but tonight I'm happy, and I'm on an overnight shift. Yeah, exactly my point...who is happy working midnight to 6am? My boss was in a bind and he asked me to work both of the overnights this weekend. How can I say no? I mean I am up for a full time job there...so I can't exactly refuse to do it, without thinking it could jeopardize them considering me. So I'm here, and did I mention I'm happy? I just spent a day or so with Rich and Terry...so yeah, I can't help but be happy. At the same time I'm not. I got home around 6 so I could take a nap before coming into work. I layed there with my eyes open for probably about 15 minutes. I just wanted to be laying in his arms. I don't get enough of that. But I wasn't going to let that bring me down...it did at the time, but now I just look forward to seeing him later on today. You know I've heard from people that have to go through long distance relationships that as time goes on it gets easier to be without the person you love, but to that I have to say...I don't think so. Not for me anyway. I get to talk to him every day and that just makes me miss him more and want him more. As corny as it sounds, it's true. And as far as I can tell...he feels the same way. So I'm sitting here still suffering from a headache...listening to music...just kind of browsing the Internet and hoping the night will go by quickly because then I get to see him. Ok, am I going overboard here? God I can't help it. There's something addicting about being with him, not to mention I love him. I know there's not much else we can do right now as far as seeing each other more often. I do what I can, he does what he can...and that's it. So...I'm happy...but I'm also here to say it doesn't get any easier. Check in with me in about 3 days...I won't be so happy anymore.

RANT: Andrea Yates

Ok...I have to do this. I've been keeping my rants to a minimum...but this has to be said. The verdict for Andrea Yates came out today. For those that don't know, Andrea Yates is a Texas woman that drowned her 5 children. The first trial she was convicted and sentenced to life in jail but then a technicality gave her another trial, one which conluded yesterday with a verdict that I wholeheartedly disagree with. She was found not guilty by reason of insanity. She will be in a mental institution for her life, unless her case is reviewed and she is released. What the hell is that? She should be killed... Well I guess you know my point of view on the whole thing...but I do have a reason behind why I feel this way. From the day I heard about this woman drowning her 5 children in a bathtub I became very irritated and frustrated and several thoughts ran through my head. Why would you have children at all if you were going to kill them? Children are innocent beings...they never hurt her I'm sure. She claimed she did it because she was suffering post partum depression from her last baby. She also claimed that her husband forced her to keep having children. Maybe all this is true...but she wasn't completely insane when she killed her children. The nail in the coffin came when I found out that her oldest son found out what she was doing and he went running away from her. She chased him around the front yard to catch him and kill him. She knew exactly what she was doing when she chased him. Now this lady that doesn't deserve to live could get out of this mental institution if the doctors determine she is "well" again. She should either be sitting her ass in jail for the rest of her life or be on death row. So now you know how I feel about this verdict that was released today. Words can't really describe how upset I was when I heard this on the news. Nothing I can do about it though...just hope that she is committed for the rest of her life!!

The Day

Well this post comes only after having one of the best days I think I could have hoped for. The only problem is...it's over...and it ended too quickly. I got to spend the day with Rich and Terry, which I thought was pretty special to begin with. Although, it was also one of the first days I've spent almost an entire day with Terry...and yeah she can be a handful, but at the same time a loveable handful...sometimes. As we were driving around at the end of the day not able to come up with another thing to do, I couldn't help but start to think...and for me thinking leads to more thinking and emotions start to kick up and I realize that it's going to be another week before I get to see him again. I know relationships are a lot of hard work. I knew this at the age of 15...but at the age of 15 I wasn't working 3 jobs. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love what I do. How many people can say that they work at the number 1 rated radio station in the area? People listen to them every day and count on them to keep them entertained. I love it. If you knew me when I was in junior high, you would never have thought I would be able to entertain anyone on the radio, or anywhere. I was this shy little thing who just walked around and did what people told her to. I broke out of that when I went to school for Radio/TV. Now I couldn't imagine another thing to do. People say, "you can't live on that amount of money." Well yeah...but it's not about the money...it's about the passion. Anyone in radio knows where I'm coming from when I say that. So as I mentioned relationships are hard work. Long distance relationships...even harder. I don't know if you can call it a "long distance relationship" I mean I do get to see him every saturday...and he lives an hour or so away...but for me it's absolutely heart breaking (I guess that's the right word) knowing that I can't see him for another week. I get to talk to him every day online...but it's never the same. You can't share the same amount of joy or pain over the Internet as you can face to face. Sometimes I just want to be able to lay in his arms and watch a movie...that can't happen too often. We're both too busy for that. Then as I was thinking (never a good sign) more thoughts started in...I know there is a sense of responsibility that comes with being in a relationship with a guy who has a child. I'm not complaining...Terry has become very special to me. Yeah sure she wears me down everytime, but as long as she's happy and having fun...that's all that matters...she is a kid. But at the same time...it's very hard. I mean you don't get a lot of "alone time" or "down time" when there is a kid involved. That's just frustrating sometimes. You have to be careful what you do and be careful what you say. But at the same time...I don't always mind. I love spending time with Terry too. So as all these thoughts sort of collided...I got a little upset. I think being so tired also kind of makes me emotional. I knew I would be better in the morning...I always am after I get in a good cry. It's the one way I know how to release my feelings and frustrations. Bottom line is I was just happy to be able to spend a day with Rich and Terry...I wish something like that could happen more often...but we both know realistically that won't happen. But damn it I have to work tomorrow which also kind of sucks...that story for another time I'm sure...I need to go to bed and just dream...it's all I have right now...

Is It The End Yet?

Ok...I'm tired...tired of work, tired of home, tired of family, I'm just tired. 3 jobs have really started to take its toll. Granted I haven't been working at the nursing home very much lately...which is perfectly fine with me. But I have been filling in middays and a few afternoons on Lite...and working nights on IBX. Granted, they can't use me on IBX when I do middays on Lite for a week...but still it's starting to make me really tired. I guess I started to think about this a lot when I came home yesterday after working 9 hours and I was completely worn down. I mean I could hardly keep my eyes open and my body was running on empty. Brings me to the full time job... Had my interview a week ago. I don't know how it went really...I just know I was really nervous before it...but right now...what happens...happens. If it's not the right time for me to get a full time gig in radio...then it's not the right time. I know I've only been doing this for almost 3 years...it wouldn't surprise me if I didn't get the job. I think I could do the job...but we'll just see. But getting the full time would drop the other 2 for the time being. Did I mention that I'm tired? :-(

Just Thinking

I know it's been a little while since I've posted...I've been busy. In the middle of another 13 day working stretch. There has however been some exciting developments in looking for a full time job. The midday person on Lite decided to leave and therefore that leaves a full time opening...one of which I have applyed for. I don't know what kind of chance I have in getting it...but either way it's great experience for me to go through the interview process and see what it's like anyway. I have an interview set up for Tuesday and to say I'm a little nervous would be an understatment. I have to meet with 3 people. The first 2 shouldn't be a problem because I know them and think I'll be more comfortable with them. The 3rd one is out consultant who I've never met and according to my boss is going to ask some tough questions. I always get nervous before interviews. I keep running through my head what possible questions they could ask me and all that fun stuff. All I can say is we'll see...and I'll be keeping you posted on here. In the meantime I'm doing a lot of fill ins for middays and afternoons this month...good experience anyway. Moving on now...I've been so busy at work that I haven't had much time to see Rich...and that's probably the worst part. The time we do get to be together goes by way too fast and then one of us has to leave...and it's the worst feeling in the world. I was up for a day in half or so last week spending time with him and his daughter...then I had to come back to go to work. I knew I was going to see him a little later that day when he came up for work...which was great...but knowing that I wasn't going to see his daughter for awhile...that's become hard too. The thing that carries me through the week most of the time is knowing Saturday comes around and I get to see Rich. All I can say is it's hard to have a relationship when you don't get to see the person that much...I know many of you probably can relate. But I love him...and that's all that matters! :-)